Friends With Benefits
by SicklePickle
Summary: Romantically retarded Sasuke and Naruto both realized that sex without emotions involved was the perfect way to not deal with with the stress of dating. So they are now both determined to accomplish this... with eachother. SasuNaru. AU. Humor.
1. First Go

_**AN**_ : Hello, Minna! It is I, SicklePickle, and I am here with another fic!

Now I know what you're thinking: _"What's with another fic? Re-upload Narcissist Diaries, you bitch!"_ And ugh, yes, I found it, thanks to a very awesome person, and I'll be re-editing it as of today, so if you're willing to put up with my crap for another week or so, you won't be disappointed!

I must say, writing this fic is a breath of fresh air because I can now show my hilariously awesome GENUINE personality in this instead of always having to drag the inner teenage, psychosocial angst out of me to write up N.D. I swear my (fantastic) readers must imagine me to be some antisocial, jittery, lonely nutjob. On the contrary, I'm quite relaxed and easygoing, and NOT insane (Or at least, I don't think I am...)

_**Disclaimer**_ : Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto, not me. If I had HALF the money that man has, I wouldn't be living in an apartment in gritty, raunchy Brooklyn, New York. I'd be in Japan living it up with Rieko Yoshihara, the creator of Ai No Kusabi. :-)

_**Rating**_ : M

_**Warnings**_: Contains strong language, awkward sex, humor, Sasuke being a prick, sex, dry humor, awkward budding romance, sex, more humor, and even more sex.

_**Friends With Benefits~***_

_**Summary**_ : Romantically retarded Sasuke and Naruto both realized that sex without emotions involved was the perfect way to not deal with with the stress of dating. So they are now both determined to accomplish this... with eachother. SasuNaru. AU. Humor.

_**Song Listening Inspiration For Sasuke and Naruto**_: "On The First Time" by The Trip (There's not much info about this song, but it's about awkward sex, so it fits this chapter perfectly.)

_"On and on, I did not recall,_  
_On and on,_  
_Gonna move too fastly,_

_Slow down,_  
_Take care, Take it easy now,_

_A little bit more,_  
_Everything's alright!,_  
_A little bit more,_  
_Everything's just fine!,_

_Slow down,_  
_Take it back to how it feels, On the first time..."_

* * *

**_Not_ _Beta'd_** : Ignore the grammatical errors, please!

* * *

**_First Go_**: _No Bullshit, Or Rather, Taking A Test_

* * *

#$%&

* * *

"I-I'm, like, totally taking a left right now, dattebayo!" A young male shouted frantically into his mobile phone, increasing the speed of his slightly new automobile to reach his desired person as fast as feasibly possible.

Running a delicate, tanned hand through an unruly, thick nest of dandelion blonde locks, pearly white teeth clench onto plush, rose lips in anxiety, not even bothered when blood began to dot due to the abuse. Only one thought plagued the young male's mind.

_I can't screw this up..._

_Again!_

The destination came into view, and he breathed a sigh of relief. "I-I t-totally see you now!" He replied to the voice, but the line went dead shortly after a loud curse.

'Probably just bad service...' He thought to himself, before grinning big once he spotted familiar long brown hair and short skirt. He parked near the still figure and quickly got out, before opening his umbrella, it was raining ramen and pocky outside, and he didn't want his favorite pumpkin orange jeans and matching vest to get wet.

He approached the still girl, a blush dusting his whisker-tattooed cheeks. "Ayame-chan!" He gushed, wrapping a free arm around his soaked to the bone girlfriend, not noticing the deadly aura she spilled out. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to her frozen cold lips. It was when she still didn't move the blonde grew concerned. This time, he really looked at her. She looked a mess. Her hair was drenched and plastered against her face, her makeup ran down her cheeks and she glared daggers into his face through furious, bared teeth.

He stared in confusion, before realizing it. "Ayame-chan!" He gaped, suddenly. "What happened to your umbrella, 'ttebayo?"

She didn't budge. "It. Blew. Away..." She hissed, low, and dangerously.

He stared, puzzled. "Huh? Just now?" He asked. Geez, his girlfriend really confused him sometimes.

She began trembling. The blonde wondered if she was cold.

"_No_...three hours ago..." She seethed, pretty sure her teeth were going to succumb to the pressure she had on it and wilt to ashes upon her tongue.

The male stared down at the fuming girl in question. Three hours? Why would she lose her umbrella? Did she lose it on purpose?

"Oh..." He trailed off, for some reason, Ayame looked angry. His wide, cerulean blue eyes brightened up again. "Yosh! On to the movie, dattebayo-" He cheered, only to be cut off.

"_The movie was over two hours ago_!" She shouted suddenly, and the blonde haired male flinched back in surprise from the volume. "You were supposed to meet me here four hours ago, which is why I'm standing here, cold and wet and _pissed off_!" She continued to shout and the blue eyed young male stared, flabbergasted. Ayame never yelled, he thought. 'She must really be upset...about what, I wonder...'

"_Fuck_!" She began screeching. "I can't do this anymore! This, us, _**damn this**_! I'm breaking up with you, Naruto!"

Naruto's eyes widened as he gaped in shock. "B-but, why? Have I been treating you badly? Am I mean to you? Have you been feeling some type of way about me, dattebayo?" He asked, genuinely growing surprised and hurt.

Despite damn near hypothermic, Ayame allowed her face to soften a bit. "It just won't work out anymore... It's not you, it's me, okay?"

Naruto blinked and continued to plead with his girlfriend. "But Ayame-_chan_!" He interjected, frowning. "I can, like...totally change, and shit, dattebayo!"

Ayame glared again. "Naruto, when is our anniversary?"

As she expected, he froze, a nervous giggle escaping him as he absentmindedly scratched the top of his head. "Uh...it's uhm...Ch...Christmas or some shit like that, right?" He offered, and Ayame almost saw red.

"Today! It's _**today**_! Just like my birthday was two days ago, and just like the anniversary of my mother's passing was last week! You don't remember anything important about me!" She hollered and the blonde flinched again. "A real man is supposed to at least remember things like that!" She screeched, stomping her foot in anger. "But I bet if I asked you my bra size, you'd know!"

Straightening up, Naruto graced his girlfriend with a dazzling smile. "Of course I'd know! It's a 32-C! See, I remember! So can we make up now, dattebayo?" He chirped, cheerfully.

She stared up at him, her jaw dropped. It was almost astounding just how oblivious and naive he was to her feelings. "Grow up, Naruto...everyone else has..." She whispered, shaking her head. And with that, she turned around and briskly walked away from him, not even caring as she was once again engulfed in the excessive, pressurized rain.

The blonde pathetically called after her, sadly not aware that he was, in fact, making it much worse. "W-wait, Ayame-chan, if we break up, who's gonna make me ramen now? Can't we just stay together so that you can keep cooking for me? D-don't go, dattebayo!"

Deflating a little, he watched with a saddened face as his now ex girlfriend walked away, not turning to look back even once.

"Awwwh...who's gonna cook ramen for me now?" He muttered, miserably up at the dark, gloomy sky.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

"_Sasuke_."

Almond shaped obsidian eyes didn't leave the screen of his phone as a close friend replied to his insult in the group chatroom with an even more sarcastic quip. A slim, straight nose scrunched up at the vulgarity of the comment, but then thin, pink lips twitched upwards at the rebuttal. He sat, stretched out on his dorm room bed, clad in only royal blue, silk boxers, deeply engrossed in his phone's activities, and in his opinion, looking like how a twenty year old young adult should.

"_**Sasuke**_." Rung out again, but his eyes still didn't leave the screen. The young male, in all honesty, with his heart shaped face, framed with long, jet black, shoulder length locks that spiked up in the back, flawless ivory skin, tall build and lean, toned body was nothing short of a God thrown down accidentally onto earth, and deserved to be treated as such.

But even so, the third time his given name was barked out so firmly that he had to rip his interested eyes away from his mass conversation with his group of obnoxious fools that managed to leech themselves into his life with no intention on leaving and label eachother his 'friends', and grace them boredly over the voice's semi-nude figure.

Sabakuno Temari, his girlfriend of two years, glared down at him sternly, one hand placed on wide, mature hips, and gunmetal blue eyes bore deep into his own. The longer he stared, the long he started to see the beginning signs of age on the twenty eight year old blonde woman, like frown lines, because she never smiled, and crows feet, because her eyes were always narrowed.

_Shit, she was getting old._

Why he decided to date a woman eight years older than him, and the sister of one of his closest friends, in the first place, he had no idea, he guessed it was one of those _'It had sounded like a good idea at the time'_ type of things.

She was cold and serious and surprisingly, showed less emotion than Sasuke himself. It had been attractive as hell in the beginning, dangerous even, but as the time went by, and days melted into months, he began to realize that when dealing with the unfeeling woman, it was like he was dating, kissing and fucking himself, and that was, in a nutshell, strange as shit.

"What, Temari?" He deadpanned, pretty damned skippy his conversation with his friends was alot more entertaining than the pair of tits attached to the cold, monotone machine that was his girlfriend.

"What is my favorite color?" She asked, her face remaining expressionless.

Sasuke couldn't help but sneer a little. He was missing an entertaining conversation for this unnecessary shit? His eyes quickly glanced back at the chatroom, frowning as he realized his friends had begun questioning why he wasn't replying back.

"You know I don't deal with that kind of bullshit, Temari." Was all he said, before reassuring his friends that he was very much still there.

She shifted a little, still naked from their 'earlier activities' save for a small towel, ran a hand through her dirty blonde hair, and sighed, before grabbing for her clothing. "What is my zodiac sign then?"

Keeping his face impassive, he looked up at her again. He didn't like that she stood next to him, almost loomingly, like she was above him or something. It unnerved him.

"Don't know, don't care." Sasuke replied, quickly shooting down his dog lover friend's good news with an absolutely rude 'Who cares, Mutt'

"Then what day was it when we first started dating?" She asked, shifting intimidatingly.

"Wow, is your hearing _finally_ going?" He grunted out, growing increasingly annoyed. "I told you already, I don't concern myself with any of that."

He could practically feel the freezing chill of her glare but ignored it to tell his red haired friend to lighten up, and that what he said was _'Just a joke, no need to be so butthurt'_

"Who the _hell_ are you texting for your attention to not be fully on me?"

_Ah, yes... the jealousy_, he mused, a smirk now tight on his face. One of the main reasons why Sasuke stayed with the blonde woman til now. He managed to get some rises out of her because of it, not that he was a cheater of course, but he loved to make her think he was.

Shit, if he had to pretend to be a bigger prick-bag than he already was, then it was well damn worth it for at least he had finally managed to get some emotion out of her.

He thought about telling the truth and say all of his friends, he really did, but decided that he wanted to piss her off, so instead, he decided to say someone guaranteed to make her entire being light up with blatant antipathy. "Ino."

And with that, teeth were bared and fists clenched and unclenched like a professional boxer ready to go eighty thousand rounds. What vandetta she had against his enlivening female friend, he had no idea, but it was always entertaining to see his girlfriend's once in a blue moon display of ire.

"And here you are, with the nerve to be texting that whorish wench in front of your own damned girlfriend?" She seethed.

"Yup." He replied, shortly. He definitely wasn't going to tell Temari that, in truth, Ino was in fact a lesbian, and had no interest in him whatsoever, because then what was the point if he couldn't aggravate her anymore by dangling his social status with the other girl in front of her?

She then sighed heavily, much to Sasuke's disappointment. "Do you care about me at all, Sasuke? Did I really just put in two years with you for nothing?"

He stared up at the apathetic, pretty face of the blonde woman, before thinning his lips. "Honestly, Temari, what the _fuck_ do you want from me?" He asked, his voice dettached due to his main attention being his phone, or rather the inhabitants he was associating with.

"I want to know if I am wasting my time with you, Sasuke." She replied through narrowed eyes.

He quirked up an eyebrow, quickly growing bored of this conversation and the now fully dressed woman in front of him.

"Well, _are_ you?" Was all he said.

He then watched, shamelessly fascinated as her jaw tensed up.

She stared, quiet for a moment, and Sasuke braced himself for Temari's screaming and his mental laughter, before she spoke again. "I am going to walk out of this door, and count to ten, if you are not outside with me by ten, then you can consider yourself single..."

Before the raven could get the gears in his blasted brain turning and formulate a decent reply to his blonde haired inamorata, the dramatic slam of a door was what he was met with.

"One..."

Obsidian orbs eyed the door, an 'are you fucking kidding me?' expression conspicuously beautiful on his face.

"Two..."

She was not fucking serious...

"Three..."

This was the maturity level of a twenty eight year old woman, really?

"Four..."

Was she really expecting him to get up?

"Five..."

He was wearing only boxers for fucks sake!

"Six..."

What the fuck would him going outside in the public dorm hallway in only boxers prove?

"Seven..."

Not a goddamn thing, that's what!

"Eight..."

Holy shit, was this happening?

"Nine..."

_Wow, this was really happening!_

Grunting in irritation, the now pissed off raven rose to walk across the room to the exit.

By the time he reached the door and pulled it open, Temari was gone, and he was now standing in the hallway of Konoha Uni's residence hall, with probably hundreds of wanting eyes now on him. One girl even slammed face first into a random wall, and all Sasuke could do was facepalm at the sheer stupidity of the students around him. "For fucks sake..." Was all that escaped his lips as he glared at the lustrous eyes and cameras that refused to leave his body even as he turned and slammed his dorm room door shut.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

An obnoxious, resounding knock had broken the silence of the room.

"Enter." Was the bored answer.

Naruto entered the room, and quickly spotted his tall, lean friend on his portable laptop, typing away on some assignment that probably wasn't due until a month from now.

_Damned nerd._

Tossing himself onto his best friend's bed, he flopped onto his back and stared at the back of the raven's head with enormous, cheerless eyes. "Sasuke...what's wrong with me?" He asked.

Sasuke turned around in time to see the forlorn look. He couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at it. The blonde's cute face and pitiable expression was rendered useless on him. After all, he'd been friends with the younger male for fifteen years and counting, nothing the dobe did stirred a single emotion from him, excluding absolute indifference, of course.

"You mean... above _**all**_ of the other reasons?" He asked, smirking at his blonde friend's frustrated cry and moved just in time to avoid the pillow being thrown at his head.

"You're such an asshole, teme! I just got dumped by Ayame-chan, and I came here for comfort! This is the third girl to dump me in a year! A year, dattebayo! Something must be wrong with me! I might just be unlovable! Oh no, I'm going to die old and alone with thirty cats!" The blonde exclaimed, dramatically falling back onto his stomach on the bed.

Sasuke felt no sympathy. "What do you expect, Naruto? The girls, no, women you date want roses for no reason and for you to remember bullshit like the first day you two kissed in full detail and blah blah blah. That is only what an extremely bitch-made man with no other life other than his relationship can give them, which you, thankfully Usuratonkachi, are not, let alone a man in general." He shrugged, not sugarcoating his words in the least. His disconsolate friend lifted his curly, spiked head in response.

"I'm a sophomore in college, goddamn it, and I'm only nineteen... I should be able to have fun and not be tied down when I'm still young...why can't someone just accept me for me, and not try to shape me into who I'm not...?" Came the whined words.

Frowning at the dismal the blonde displayed, Sasuke spoke. "You and me both, dobe..." He snorted, dryly.

Blue eyes rose up to look at him. "What are you saying, teme? You and Temari are like the most perfect, bastard couple ever...you don't have relationship issues, only us working class folk do..." He commented, smiling weakly.

Sasuke sucked in an irritated breath in response. "Not anymore, dobe. Temari broke up with me. And we've been together way longer than you and ramen noodle girl, yet you don't see me sulking. It's just a relationship, it's not written in stone that you're unlovable. Get over it."

Huffing, Naruto sat up on the bed. "You're always so blunt, you bastard..." He glared, before sighing heavily. "Why do girls want to settle down so fast?" He asked out loud to no one in particular. "Why do they want to throw away their youth and not get to really enjoy it?"

Sasuke stared in well disguised awe. "That is probably the smartest thing I've ever heard you say, dobe.." He chuckled as the younger male scowled at him. "And I don't know, they end up letting themselves go at a young age, and become bitter old bitches..." He trailed off, glaring at the floor, pretty sure that when he marries Temari, she'll be an old bitch before the kids even pop out of her.

"Relationships...are so...draining..." The words were slow and slurred and the raven immediately knew the other was falling asleep.

A messy raven head glanced over at the slumbering blonde, before he heaved out a deep, ragged sigh that almost rendered his body boneless.

_Damned Temari._

He rose, and dusted off an expensive silk button up, equally costly black slacks and ventured over to his temporary sleeping quarters. Said quarters were, before a certain fair haired twit entered in his usual cacophony filled fashion, serial killer spotless, but now housed the limp body that rose and fell with every inhaled and exhaled breath.

Dark orbs bore into the sleeping face, a piqued look in his eyes almost as if he half expected the intensity of it to rouse the much smaller male awake. A sudden beep tore Sasuke away from his one sided staring contest, and once again his attention was majorly on his cellular phone.

Which was under the blonde.

A dark eyebrow twitched.

_Goddamn it._

Placing one knee onto the bed, long, ivory fingers danced over the lithe body for his main source of true enjoyment, besides his counterpart that he was currently molesting, of course, that and his girlfriend, or was it ex now? He didn't know, they were always hip and hip, and without her constant, nail against chalkboard nagging, everything felt far too foreign to be genuine.

His fingers found their way under the blonde's stomach and once they enclosed around his little silver machinery of wonder, he felt like doing twirls of jubilance if he was convinced that no one would pop out and catch him in the act. His paranoiac ways were a blessing and a curse.

Suddenly, the orange clad lump of flesh shifted unconsciously and moved onto his back and took all of Sasuke's damned arm with him, dragging him close, forcing both his knees onto the bed and causing him to hover over the utterly unaware blue eyed menace.

Sasuke's nose brushed against his oblivious assailant's, and he couldn't help but let his mouth thin at the feeling of vexation from seeing the usually rambunctious younger male so mute, save for the cold puffs of air that ghosted against his cheeks from plush, rose colored lips.

Color left the already milk pigmented skin, endless dark eyes widened, and a moment went by, before a sick thought ran by in his mind. So sick in fact, that a deep grimace found its way onto his face. It had been quick, speedy and fleeting, just there for the slightest moment, but the thought had still been there. And it had been as disturbing and disgusting as he didn't know what.

Sitting calmly back on the bed, he palmed the cellular device, and alerted his friends rather rudely that the bumbling moron had been promptly dumped and to prepare for the water works about how he couldn't purchase his beloved "ramen" without the girl glaring or potentially poisoning him.

He sat back, looking at the dead weight blonde, frowning deeply when he realized he had been carefully observing his crony's features. Another scoffed out sigh left his body as he looked away again.

"**_Gross_**..." He muttered.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

"Holy shit, I can't believe it, _hahaha_!" The tanned male tilted his shaggy chestnut brown head back to bark out a loud, boisterous laugh. His red, triangle tattooed cheeks threatened to reach his ears from the grin that adorned his face. "I can't believe both of you guys got dumped on the same day! Especially you, Mr. Heartthrob! Guess you aren't as irresistible as you thought you were, huh?" He snickered, while his circle stared in growing horror and wondered if Kiba had a death wish.

"Hey, shut up, dog breath!" Naruto exclaimed, a flush of embarrassment on his cheeks. "I really liked Ayame-chan!"

Kiba snorted. "Yeah, just like you really liked Shion, and Shiho, and Tenten and-"

"Alright, goddamn it!" He butted in. "I can't keep a relationship to save my damn life! I friggin' admit it, dattebayo!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, before theatrically sliding back down, much to Kiba's sadistic enjoyment. Obsidian eyes narrowed and decided to come to his companion's rescue in a subdued, asshole-ish fashion.

"I'd shut the fuck up if I were you, _mutt_." Sasuke hummed distractedly, and decided he was more than prodigious enough to be engaged in a chatroom conversation his other group while sitting with his original circle. He quickly shot down his strawberry blonde haired female friend's invitation for "coffee" in her dorm room, though. "Coffee" being the obvious ploy to finally bestow her ensharpened claws and drag the male down into God knows what void pit of nothingness.

Tearing his eyes away from his cellular, his eyes flicked up to a flinching Kiba. "You do realize that I am now single, and Hinata comes in a close second to competing with Temari's double-d's. Don't try me... You know what they say about quiet girls...don't you?" He trailed off, an acrid smile on his face when saw the brunette gulp in anxiety at the mental nightmare of the raven haired male tainting and deflowering his sweet, pristine crush.

Naruto didn't realize Sasuke's intentions, and pointed at his friend. "Why you gotta be such an asshole, teme? Are you sad 'coz your girlfriend dumped you?" The obnoxious blonde hollered, making the male in question cringe with belligerency glowing in his eyes.

"Whatever." Sasuke huffed at Naruto, a little less than enthusiastically. "We'll get back together in time, Temari just wants me to be more... _susceptible_..." He paused, and he, Naruto and Kiba shuddered at the atrocious thought of an emotionally in-tune Sasuke. "It's what women do."

"Um, I resent that, Sasuke-kun." Ino snapped, rather petulantly. "I don't do that, and I'm a woman." She eyed him patiently, almost bating him to reply.

He stared at his almost swain with a horrifyingly blank look. He supposed all of this was her fault, considering he wouldn't have been dealing with this Sabakuno bullshit if the damned blonde haired enchantress would've agreed to shack up with him all those years ago in the first place. But no, she just had to prefer the apex between her own legs, instead of his. However, instead of tastelessly bringing up the mutilated subject, he decided to be a prick instead.

"You're a lesbian. You don't count." He said, as a matter of factly, before placing his palm under his chin in a philologist expression. "But you can't quite count as a man either, considering you go for a-cups."

Even Gaara, Temari's semi-homicidal, cherubic faced younger brother had to widen his jade green eyes from the vehemence of the retort.

The aforementioned a-cupped young woman shifted next to her steady of three years, her discomfort more glaringly obvious than if it were stapled to her forehead. She hid her childish face behind thick, bubblegum tresses, and thought it'd be best if she remained silent.

Sasuke glowered at the sheepish pinkette with an ill disguised snarl. What did his confidante see in that weak little wench anyways?

Ino rushed to her sweetheart's defense with ease. "Why do you use every chance you can get to bash Sakura? What is your problem? Why are you so mean to her?" She growled. Why was her best friend always a prick whenever her amore came around?

Sasuke bared his teeth, unapoplectic. "Simple. Because she is an eyesore!"

"What did she ever do to you?"

"She hurts my eyes, that's what!"

"You are such an asshole!"

"And your carpet-munching buddy makes my stomach turn!"

Meanwhile, Naruto watched the scene in front of him with saddened eyes. Little did all of his friends know, Sasuke was a lot more human than he led on.

And as Sasuke's bestest friend in the whole wide world, the blonde felt it was his duty to make his buddy feel better. Jumping up off Konoha Uni's park bench, he slapped the waspish older male on the back, and grinned apologetically at his friends. "Sorry Gaara, Ino, Sakura-chan, Dog breath, me and Sasuke gotta go handle some bizz'niss. Ja ne, dattebayo!" He called over his shoulder, while tugging the still aggravated raven in his direction.

"Whatever." Was all Sasuke said, before roughly shoving his shit back in his bag, and let himself be dragged away by his very considerate blonde partner in crime.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

The duo reached a random Sakura tree, and Sasuke slumped against it before reaching the ground. "Handle some 'business?' Nice one, dobe..." He muttered, dryly, while hiding a genuine smile from the goofy younger male. He failed, and Naruto saw it anyways and plopped right next to him. "I had to get you out of there, Sasuke-teme! You looked like you were ready to kill Sakura-chan...or cry..."

Sasuke raised his head, staring at the blonde, long and hard, before one of his mega-rare grins graced his face. Naruto had seen it five times in the fifteen years of knowing the heavily guarded male, and every time, he stopped breathing and just basked in the radiant awesomeness of it, and felt like something died within him, when the baby pink lips went back to scowling right afterwards.

He smiled at the thought of being one of the four people that got to witness it, besides Sasuke's brother, mother and Ino.

"We should go for ramen. I'll buy, dattebayo!" He cheered in exuberance. Sasuke had to raise an eyebrow at that. "What's with the special occasion of you actually paying, Usurantonkachi? It's not my birthday, is it?" He asked.

Naruto pursed his lips before smiling brightly. "Nah, no occasion, just from pal to pal, and considering you just got dumped, and the fact that you're hopelessly in love with a lesbian, your life is pretty pitiful right now!"

Sasuke's face twisted up in a nasty frown. "Gee, thanks..." He muttered, before looking over the smaller male's shoulder, an ironic smirk finding its merry way onto his face. "As a matter of fact, I think you're going to need some ramen yourself, Blondie..."

Blue eyes widened and the cute features on the blonde's baby face scrunched up in dismay. "_Aaaahhh, **noooo**_!" He exclaimed in utter chagrin at the scene. His beautiful Ayame-chan was hanging off the arm of one of the guys from his philosophy class, Aoi, was his name.

Tears bubbled up in his eyes. "I can't believe it!" He pouted, sniffing. "It's only been eighteen hours, fifty four minutes and twenty eight seconds since we broke up! How could she move on so fast?"

He then threw himself into his friend's (un-awaiting) arms and buried his wet face into the shirt that probably cost more than his own damned soul. "Sasuke-teme!" He wailed, pathetically. "Hold me, 'ttebayo!"

Rolling his eyes, he shoved the blonde off of him, before raising his hand and bringing it down across his annoying friend's face. "Get a hold of yourself, dobe. I thought only girls cried about this kind of shit."

"Oww..." Naruto whimpered, cradling his now red cheek. "But how? She was my everything, dattebayo!"

Sasuke massaged his temples, feeling a headache form behind his eyes. Was this how Sasuke looked mentally after he was dumped by Temari?

_Dear God, he hoped not..._

"You dated her for three months, dobe. Three. It's not even that serious. Damn it..." He mumbled, the massaging doing nothing to quell the throbbing pain of his skull.

"What do you mean? I have a lot of feelings for her!" He defended.

"If she was your everything, then how come you don't know her last name?" He asked, his eyes narrowing on its own accord.

As expected, Naruto shut his mouth. "I-I do!" He stammered, unconvincingly. "I-It's...uh... Teraki...right?" His blue eyes darted around, what for, Sasuke had no idea.

"It's Ichiraku, dumbass! Goddamn it, you go there everyday, how can you not know that?" Dammit, Sasuke hated yelling, but it seemed like it was a necessity when engaging in conversations with the bull headed, stubborn dobe.

"Well, I'm sorry!" The watery eyed male shouted back. "I'm sorry for being stupid! I guess I don't deserve Ayame-chan, or anyone for that matter! I guess I'm just gonna die alone then!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, despite the headache. "You throw yourself into relationships with anyone that asks you out, you loser. You don't **have** to be in a relationship, you know..."

His face scrunched up again in confusion. "What?" Naruto asked, not quite getting it. "But if I'm not in a relationship...then how am I supposed to...y'know..." He trailed off, looking away and gesturing to between his legs.

And for a moment, Sasuke thanked his ability to be patient, because right now he just wanted to scream and strangle his childhood friend. "You don't have to be in a relationship in order to be intimate, stupid..." He muttered, running a tired hand through his hair, before resting his head back on the tree. "I know I'm not. Not anymore. Fuck Temari, and fuck relationships. Right now, I'm just going to fuck and live life comfortably... Like Gackt."

"Huh? You're giving up, 'ttebayo? All you have to do is apologize to her, and she'll come back to you with no hesitation!" Naruto clamored, and Sasuke grunted at him. But he didn't notice, and kept babbling. "Besides, I think you really love Temari, even more than Ino!"

Illimitable, caliginous eyes opened slowly and Naruto flinched back on instinct, the look on Sasuke's face screamed 'Don't go there'.

Grumbling to himself, Naruto's eyes adverted. And the dark eyed male sighed for the fiftieth time that day. "We, dobe, us...we don't need to be in relationships." He started. "All it is... Is drama, and fucking women trying to turn us into someone we're not. The both of us need a relationship that is sort of like... Taking a test... You go in, you do your thing, and when it's over, you pat yourself on the back, and never look back until the next time..."

"Like taking a test..." His companion muttered, thoughtfully. A bright grin met his face. "You're so wise, teme!" Naruto laughed, and playfully nudged his taller counterpart. Rising and dusting off his orange jeans, he held out a hand for Sasuke and smiled a little when he took it.

"C'mon, teme, let's go back to your dorm, ya'know, coz you're the only one without a roommate and shit!"

* * *

#$%&

* * *

The movie was called 'April Story' and it was borderline codswallop. Sixty seven minutes of the dark haired male's life, gone, and he could never get it back. And his polar opposite, of course, found it was more inspiring than 'Moonshine'

"Awwh, see, teme? Why can't any of my relationships be like that? We fall in love and live happily ever after! It's just a shame we don't ever know what comes after the final scene, dattebayo..." Naruto trailed off, thoughtfully.

Sasuke snorted in response. "Yes, we do, it's called 'hentai'. Then the bitch lets herself go, and then you're trapped with that for the rest of your life, unless you're smart enough to break free from it..."

Naruto stared, his mouth agape, before closing it and shoving a random pillow from the bed into Sasuke's face. "You're so cynical, dattebayo!" He snickered. "Don't you want to grow old with the person you love the most? I know I do!"

Narrowed eyes again. "And with that mentality, that every girl you meet is 'the one', you'll never be able to keep a relationship, let alone get married and grow old with her..."

"Fine!" Naruto huffed, before laying back on the sizable bed. A tense silence flew by, and the blonde spoke up again. "So...uh... I've been thinking about what you said earlier today..." He uttered, softly.

Sasuke automatically knew what the blonde was speaking about, but decided to make him admit it out loud. "That you're a dobe...?" He asked, smirking.

Not expecting that, Naruto nodded. "Yeah, that I'm a..._wait_! No, damn it!" He shrieked and Sasuke chuckled at his gullibility. "Then, what? I have no idea what you're talking about, Naruto-chan..."

Seething, the light haired male sighed, before fidgeting. "Uh...that I don't need a relationship in order to...y'know..."

The smirk widened. "No, I don't know."

Too easy.

Crying out in frustration, Naruto tugged at his thick tresses. "Damn it, Sasuke, to have sex, okay? There, I said it! Are you happy now?"

"Elated." Sasuke grinned again, huh, a smile and two grins in one day? Leave it to the dobe to get these kinds of reactions out of him. "So, what have you concluded?"

"That there's no way in hell that I can do it!"

Sasuke's lips then thinned, he expected his best friend to grow some balls, follow in his footsteps, and learn to be realistic like himself, not pussy out before he even tried it. Unbeknownst to the moron, it actually pained him to see the blonde annoyance's heart always getting broken. "Why do you say that?" He asked, his eyebrows twitching.

Sitting back up, Sasuke couldn't help but scowl at the tearing up blonde. "Because teme, if me and a girl engage in a relationship, doing only...that... I'll end up getting attached, and then I'll fall in love with her, and then she'll leave me, and then I'll be depressed, and then-"

"Damn it, dobe, _shut up_!" Sasuke groaned, massaging his temples again. "What will the girl have to be like in order to guarantee that you won't fall for her?"

"I don't even know!" Naruto cried. "Even if she isn't pretty, I might just fall for her because of her personality or something!"

Sasuke opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. He blew out a breath. "So, you're saying no matter what the girl looks or acts like, you'll fall for her?"

A frantic nodding of the head.

Sasuke growled, now irate. "Damn it, dobe, you're giving me a fucking headache again!"

The blonde sniffled, hurt. "Well, I'm _sorry_-"

Sasuke frantically cut him off. "**_No_**!" He shouted, not wanting to deal with his friend's waterworks, before sighing yet again. "Just... Let me think... Because this applies to both of us... A relationship in which the two only use each other for intercourse, no emotional attachment whatsoever..." He said, lowly.

Naruto nodded hurriedly, encouraging his intelligent friend to keep assessing the situation they were both placing themselves into.

"No drama, no anniversaries, no clinginess, no emotion at all..."

A nod.

"And you have to be completely unattracted to the person for this to work... With the guarantee that you will never fall for them...at all...ever."

Another nod.

"And you're saying that it is damned near impossible to do this with any female, because you will inevitably fall for her. Am I correct?"

One more nod.

"For fuck's sake..." He lamented, and grimaced again when that sick thought from earlier came back full force. A deep shudder of disgust ran down his spine. "Damn you, Naruto..." Sasuke mumbled, exhaling heavily. "I just came up with an idea. Despite how repugnant and nauseating it is, I think this will work well for the both of us..."

Naruto stared at the taller male, awestruck. "You can help me? How?" He asked, a grin threatening to split his face open.

_Yes! There was hope for the blonde after all!_

Sasuke rose off his bed, eying the blonde warily. "Yes, but I'm pretty damned skippy that neither of us are going to enjoy this..._**at all**_."

The blue eyed male shook his head, his grin never faltering. "It doesn't matter! The girl can't be that bad, right?"

Sasuke shifted all his weight on one leg, and looked away.

A deep breath to ease the nausea, before looking down at the now standing blonde.

"I'll do it..."

Naruto tilted his head, confused. "Do what, Sasuke-teme?"

Clearing his throat, Sasuke was sure he was going to from vomit a moat from disgust soon. So, to distract himself from the bile rising up in his esophagus, he sent a polite text to Gaara. Polite being, 'I'm bored, bitch, entertain me'

"I'll...take the..._ test_ with you..."

Big, puzzled blue eyes unnerved him. "What test, teme?"

_'Take deep breaths, Sasuke... _

_It's not his fault he was dropped on his head as a child..._

_Whatever you do, do **not** hit him...'_

"Goddamn it!" Sasuke growled, losing his patience on the clueless blonde. "I mean that I'll do... _**it**_...with you, dobe..."

It then it finally clicked, and Naruto's otherwise comely face contorted into a hideous expression of horror.

"Y...you mean, you'd be...m-my...?"

"Yeah..." Sasuke trailed off, his eyes still not meeting the mortified blue. "B-but why? You're _**Sasuke**_!" The blonde sputtered, like it explained everything.

Dark eyes rolled. "Believe me, I know that, every single time I look in the mirror..."

Naruto glared. "Not funny, teme. I didn't even know you liked guys..."

This time Sasuke did look at the scowling blonde, but only to stare at him like he had just been told that he was the key to saving the world. "Dobe, you don't just **_fuck_** the kind of women I've fucked, and then like guys...it's impossible." He spoke slowly, stretching every syllable as though his crony were just a mere child.

"Yeah, but..." Naruto started, still doubtful.

Sasuke ran a hand over if face in exasperation. "Are you attracted to me, Usurantonkachi?"

Naruto's curly, spiked head snapped up to meet Sasuke's gaze. "W-what? No way!" He replied, shaking his head repeatedly. "You're a guy, there's no way in hell!"

Sasuke stared back, not offended in the least. "Would you ever fall for me?"

Another head shake, with no hesitation.

An exhale. "Good, then it's settled. We will never be attracted to each other... This is why it will work so well. Besides, you trust me with this more than any female, don't you?" He spoke, lifting up his pinky. "This, honestly, is a little gay, no, scratch that, **_really fucking_ gay**, but I'm doing it because you are my friend, and I daresay, may or may not enjoy your company. So, deal? Just until one of us are ready to be in a relationship again..."

This, surprisingly, had been the most contemplative Naruto had ever been, or well, not since he had to choose from shrimp or miso ramen all those years ago.

And as crazy and weird and strange as it was, Naruto wasn't surprised with himself when he linked his smallest finger with the long, boney one of his polar opposite. The idea was insane, and horrifically immoral, but it worked. Two very straight individuals release each other's tensions, without having to worry about any emotions involved, and since Naruto was admittedly borderline obsessed with the female population and fell in love with someone new every month, he didn't have to worry about heartache when they grew tired of his forgetful ways.

"Deal..." He found himself muttering, and once again the room was heavy with the aura of unanswered queries, and it made the blonde antsy to start babbling. He settled for one question for now.

"So, uh...when do we...um..."

Sasuke ignored the uncomfortable blonde and resumed his conversation with Gaara from his cellular, perking up when said redhead sent him an 'I've got some bad news for you' that came with an attached picture. Anxiety bubbled within his guts and sent them churning. The image that then met his eyes made his entire being freeze up.

It was hurriedly captured, and was anything but high quality, but it had been enough to send Sasuke's eyes and throat burning.

Temari sat across from an unknown man, from what he could see the man had an atrocious posture, at a restaurant that he recognized as the disturbingly expensive one he had dragged her to the night before. The bright, genuine smile on her face proved that it was anything but a charade.

He jaw began to ache from the abuse of weighted pressure he placed on his teeth, and no matter how many daggers that he mentally incised through his cellular, it didn't make the truth any less fucked up.

Temari wasn't waiting for him.

Temari was done with him.

_Temari had moved on._

His left leg bounced up and down repeatedly from the now negative, pent up energy threatening to force his body to release it in the most vicious, spiteful way... Like burying his fist into the man who was dumb enough to shack up with the woman everyone knew belonged to Uchiha fucking Sasuke. His family damn near owned all of Japan, and he was beginning to think that man purposely wanted Sasuke to hunt him down.

His nails dug heavily into the borrowed linen, and if anyone were to see him, they would just think he was in a contemplative mood, but Naruto, who damn near knew the Uchiha more than he knew himself, automatically knew something was up with him.

Sasuke's murderous fantasies were cut off when his cellular was promptly snatched from his grasp. Gaping uncharacteristically, he eyed the blonde, a sudden shame burning within him at the stern expression his blonde crony wore.

"Uh uh uh, Sasuke-teme, you'll get your cellphone back when you calm down, and look less like you're plotting on somebody." Naruto scolded, placing a tanned hand on his hip, successfully imitating the countless times he received this treatment from his mother.

But, Sasuke wasn't having that. "Give me back my cellular, Uzumaki..." He hissed, low and dangerously. He just wanted to mourn his now tattered relationship in privacy, maybe even drink away his sorrows. As bitchy and batshit crazy Temari was, it still hurt. Real fucking bad actually. But, no, his damn ray of fucking sunshine best friend just had to try and turn his negative energy into something productive.

Naruto grinned. "You called me by my surname. You must be really mad, huh?" He teased, loving the way Sasuke was probably mentally torturing him now.

"Dobe..." Sasuke warned, his eyes alight with utter misplaced anger.

"You want it? Come get it, 'SaSa-chan!" He cooed. Internally, he was rather proud of himself. He was the only one who could calm down the choleric raven when he got like this,the only one strong enough to take his God-awfully lethal punches, and rid him of his excess zing.

Expecting words of asperity, the blonde was more than flabbergasted when he was suddenly flat on his back, dazed and confused.

Sasuke loomed over him, an exuberant, sadistic smirk on his face. He wagged his retrieved cellular in petulant victory. "It was inevitable, dobe. In all honesty, you really have no clue what you're fucking with, do you?"

So fatuous, so egotistical...

_Damn him._

With a sudden surge of strength, the bellicose blonde reached out his leg to trap it under the Uchiha's ankle,dragging him down, before straddling him. Naruto cackled at the other's dumbfounded expression.

"Take that, you prick! Not so high and mighty now, are you-"

And goddamn it, Sasuke had him on his back again, successfully preventing the blonde's movements by pinning his arms above his head.

Naruto fought tooth and nail, but it proved blatantly futile, and Sasuke's smirk grew tenfold.

"I wonder...were you always this debilitated, or is this a special occasion?" The raven taunted, before growing serious. "Look, dobe, I just want to sulk in peace, maybe even contemplate that asshole's demise a little. Just leave it."

But Naruto wasn't having that. "Well, fuck you too, then! And you're not gonna just sit alone like a loser! I'm going to make you feel better no matter what you say, 'ttebayo!"

Sasuke eyes rolled in response, before pushing himself off the blonde, already growing aggravated of Naruto's tiresome palaver.

But once more, he was at Sasuke's side again, his babbling deafening to the Uchiha's weeping eardrums.

"You're my best friend, you bastard! So no matter what you say, I'll gladly do whatever it takes to make you feel better!"

_I don't need this_, Sasuke groaned to himself, and in actuality, he didn't. The cacophony was highly unwarranted, especially when he knew all his crony was doing was just bating him for an argument.

After more deadly assaults to his hearing, he turned in breakneck speed, facing the blonde. His stomach bubbled with more antipathy than a little bit. He liked his best friend, he really did, cared about him in ways the stupid teen could never imagine, but he had enough of him, and his help. His fucking 'help' was nothing more than just heedlessly stomping on the knife already deeply embedded in the Uchiha's bleeding heart.

He sauntered up to the blubbering blonde, each and every step as hollow and dangerous as Sasuke's eyes were.

"Do you know what I do when I'm stressed like this, dobe?"

And thank God, he became silent.

Sasuke answered to the silence. "I have sex... So, do you know what that means...?" He voiced, clipped and toneless.

They were nose to nose now, the pumping of adrenalin pulsing in his ears. "N...no...?" Naruto squeaked out, a bad feeling now in the pit of his stomach.

Narrowed obsidian. "_Now_..."

Cerulean widened in realization of the implied meaning behind the command. "...N...now...? Y..you mean...?" He whispered, in utter dismay.

"Yes. You and me..._**now**_, dobe..." Sasuke growled, his headache from earlier hitting him full force.

Naruto stared back, his expression nothing less than mortified. "Wh-what? B-but we're so not even prepared and shit, dattebayo!" He stammered, throwing away the fact that he'd very much willingly agreed to the physical binding into a dark corner of his disconcerted mind.

Sasuke walked over to his sleeping quarters, not even bothering to respond. He grabbed his bag and pulled out the offending object, before facing his companion.

"I accidentally stole this from Ino when I packed up before, but don't worry, she has tons. She won't miss it..." Sasuke started, wrinkling his nose in abhorrent disgust.

Naruto blinked slowly before approaching his dark counterpart. Sasuke was holding what seemed to be a creatively illustrated shounen manga, grabbing it, he flicked through the pages, puzzled. "What does this have to do with us, teme?"

Something then caught his attention. "Hey..." he mumbled. "What's that guy doing to that other guy...?"

A tense silence.

"Holy shit!" The blonde shrieked, flinging the repugnant thing away. "Why does Ino even have that? I thought she was a lesbian! The hell, 'ttebayo? I'm gonna have to bleach my eyeballs now!"

Sasuke leaned over, picking up once again, the newest issue of 'Junjou Romantica', he flicked through the pages also, though his repulsion was notably much more subtle compared to the blonde. "I agree with you one hundred percent, dobe... However, we need this to make... matters... more comfortable for you..." He said,then grimaced at the explicit nature of it, there was nothing romantic about this shit at all... It was just pure porn.

Naruto's face then contorted into an expression of horror again. "M...more comfortable for me? W...wait! No way, dattebayo! Why do I have to be the one to...y'know? Why not you?" He damn near screeched.

Cringing at the volume, Sasuke's eyes twitched. Maybe this was a bad idea after all, maybe he should just go use another girl and leave the blonde dobe to be alone and miserable.

"Because, dobe." Sasuke replied, sighing out a ragged breath. "I'm four inches taller than you, thirty pounds heavier than you, and not to mention my cock's eight a half in-"

"Shut up!" Naruto screeched again, high and shrill, and it was like nails and chalkboards. "Dammit, fine!"

It was then that the high energy dissipated and Naruto was then left standing awkwardly, his eyes glued to the carpeted floor. Sasuke suddenly became intimidatingly taller, and it left the blonde suddenly fidgeting.

"S...so...uhm...uh..." Naruto stuttered, his face alight with embarrassment. Sasuke promptly ignored him, his eyes gracing over every sexually fueled illustrated scene._ If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this right_, he scowled to himself. In bed, he was a perfectionist, and it would be no different, just because he was about to..._**bed**_...the dobe.

"Alright." He then suddenly voiced. "We're going to start." It was not a question.

Big, cerulean orbs stared up unblinkingly. "So, what do we-" His inquiry, however was cut short because something prevented him from furthering it.

And that something was Sasuke's mouth on his own.

It was so abrupt, so expeditious, that Naruto believed that squawking like a little girl, and backing away, his hand clapped over his mouth was more than justified. "Wh-what the hell was that, 'ttebayo?" He blabbed, frantically.

A perfectly sculpted eyebrow rose. "It's what people do when they're about to-"

"That's not what I mean, and you know it, teme!" He interjected, pointing viciously at the indifferent raven. "I thought you said no emotions involved at all! And from what I can recall, kissing is a sign of emotions being involved!"

"Are you done?" Sasuke asked, monotonous. "And to answer your stupid ass question; hell fucking no. Now when I'm closing my eyes, underneath me is Otsuka Ai, not Uzumaki Dobe, so don't ruin my fantasies by opening your annoying mouth, got it?"

Naruto gaped at him, his mouth shutting closed at his words. "Fine, be an asshole!" He growled, but his other threats and whining died up in his throat when his back met the firm softness of Sasuke's bed, with said boy bent over him, almost loomingly.

Silence reined between the pair, and Naruto aimed to break it. "Teme-!" He tried once more, and yet again, Sasuke's lips found his.

All protests were choked down as his counterpart's mouth worked against his with disturbing ease.

Well, that and tanned, thin wrists had been wearing the Uchiha's long, strengthy fingers very much like handcuffs from the ferocity of its grip. But the familiarity of it left cerulean orbs glaring something serious at the older male. He recognized the feeling immediately. The anxiety, and that damned helplessness again that appeared everytime he went tip for tap with him.

_Naruto was being made Sasuke's bitch._

His body went boneless as the humiliating enormity that was this emasculation soared through his being like a rabbit on an acid trip. A sudden slow suckle upon his growingly swollen lips left him shuddering.

Since Sasuke proved to be quite into his Jpop singer apparition, Naruto decided to voice out his own.

An image popped into his mind, and it sent his on body on overdrive. From his otherwise effete state, he returned the skilled liplock just as fervently.

"Mmnn..." Naruto groaned against Sasuke's surprisingly soft lips. "You are such a good kisser... Mrs. Uchiha..."

If this were a movie, Sasuke was sure he'd hear the distant sound of a record scratching off of the music that was supposed to fit for this specific scene. The Barry White tunes he envisioned was boorishly ripped away, and damn it if Sasuke didn't love that man's music when having sex.

He ripped his mouth off the dobe's, and stared. Just stared. The consternation on his face imminent, jaw slack, and eyebrows furrowed.

"A...are you fucking serious?" Sasuke stammered, genuinely horrified. It had been a decade and then some the last time Sasuke showed this much emotion; he was turning seven and his older brother, Itachi, decided to be a prick and get his group of equally prick bastard friends to practice their new dodgeballs on him.

It had been a bad time.

Naruto looked away, blatantly ashamed. "Well, I'm sorry! I can't help it, your mom is hot!"

Sasuke hid his face in his hands, the explanations only worsening in this circumstance. "Of all the women in the world...Oh my fucking God..." He muttered, chagrined, before looking down. "Oh, and what do you know? The image of you wanting to fuck my mother killed my hard on. Thanks, dobe. Fucking. Thanks."

Flinching, the little blonde gulped. "You're not mad at me, are you, teme?" He asked, in a small voice.

And now Sasuke felt like shit.

"Whatever..." He sighed. "Let's just... Continue." Shifting and bending over the blonde, their bodies pressed together, and lips met again.

Since Naruto's arms were once again pinned at both sides of his head, the lack of manliness he felt in this position came back with a vehement vengeance. His nerves were shot to hell though, once Sasuke's tongue swiped delicately at his bottom lip.

Naruto glared.

_Stupid Sasuke and his immaculately correct movie kissing._

Alas, the making out as if they were two insecure virgins ceased once Sasuke's mouth began to find refuge on other places.

Thick lashes brushed against a tan cheek with every tight blink, and the raven's mouth found a blemishless throat. Differentials of a sexual nature danced amongst his cluttered mind, mostly Temari, his experiences with her were unforgettable, considering she only showed her too true feelings during intimacy.

But goddamn it, this wasn't Temari. This was not soft, mouthwatering curves, but lithe, firm, barely there muscle. So he had to go with instinct when dealing with the body below him, he did not know what the blonde liked in bed, but judging by the quickened breathing, the dobe seemed to be enjoying his ministrations. Or rather, 'his mother's'.

_Input Sasuke shudder._

Butterfly kisses littered the top of the tanned throat and trailed down towards the collarbone, not knowing what to make of the smaller body suddenly jolting, arching upwards, and groaning softly.

Sasuke's nose brushed against the fabrical blend of cotton and polyester that adorned the blonde's torso. The offending orange... _**thing**_had to go.

His fingers gripped both of the tanned wrists and pinned it above the blonde's head with one hand, while the other removed the younger male's top in the most considerate way Sasuke knew how.

And considerate being, he savagely shredded the article of apparel off the lithe body in the most austere way possible.

With a shrill squeak, Naruto's jaw met the floor. "Th...that was my favorite fucking shirt, you asshole!" He hissed, crisply.

Ignoring the apoplectic aura of the blonde, Sasuke rolled illimitable, slanted eyes and tossed the lacerated thing over his shoulder, heedlessly.

"It's disgusting and it got in my way." He shrugged, simplistically at his scowling counterpart. He leaned over the edge of the bed, flicking through more illustrated sexualities of the manga, unflinching at the feel of blue eyes glowering at his back.

Why was the blonde so angry anyways? It's not like the raven had put a gun to his head and forced him into this physicality only agreement, though the Uchiha was starting to believe otherwise from the antipathical aura of his stare.

Okay, so maybe Sasuke wasn't the most gentle lover like the man in the book, who was all romanticality and sensuality with his sultry smiles and spine tingling whispers, but as disenchanting as it was to admit; Naruto was a man, so why the hell was Sasuke supposed to be apprehensive? What was it about this moment that was supposed to have turned him into such an awful situationist?

Unsheathing out his mental sword, he harshly incised it through expendable thoughts. These disturbing 'be gentle' cogitations were unwarranted to the highest degree.

The dobe was a man, for fuck's sake! If there were any pain, he could take it.

...Absolutely.

...Positively...

...Not really.

Naruto was a...special case, the Uchiha realized. He was impeccably more in tune with his emotions than Temari ever was. Then again, a brick showed more emotionally inclined than Temari.

Scowling, the raven's mouth descended downward, until he reached what were supposed to be large, fleshy mounds.

But weren't.

Frowning, Sasuke's eyes bore into the flat panels, almost as if it was something alien that he founded, rather than it being something he also anatomically shared.

"Well, it's nothing like the mammary glands I'm used to..." The Uchiha started. "But I suppose it will have to do..."

Before Naruto could hiss out a nasty rebuttal, his breath was stolen out of his body as Sasuke's tongue flicked over a spot that Naruto was pretty sure was only supposed to cause pleasure to females.

Eyes fluttering shut, comely, rose petal lips parted to emit another groan from them, this one much higher in pitch and colloidal in want.

"Aahh..."

If there was ever a fathomable reason as to why Naruto ever wanted to strike himself, it would be now! He sounded like a desperate whore in front of his best friend and it was embarrassing as hell.

But dammit, Sasuke's mouth on his chest was heavenly, and the raven just had to be the sole reason for his ample pants and mewls ringing out in the quiescent room like gunshots.

A candy pink tongue danced over the blonde's midsection with memory trained ease. Sasuke was not promiscuous in any way, but he knew his way around the bedroom, he had memorized his ex swain's body, with an almost eclecticism.

Naruto cringes at himself after a rather bawdy mewl escapes his lips. Sharp, white teeth lightly graze the sunkissed skin, and sends the entire body below him shuddering.

Fuck, Naruto hissed to himself, only girls were supposed feel this good when they had sinfully delicious mouths on their chests.

Or at least that's what it said in his hentai manga.

Nevertheless, the cold puffs of breath and warm moistness of his best friend's...mouth organ...sent him trembling and arching and gasping, very much like the boy from Ino's freaky, homo porn book.

Naruto's face lit up with heat, another gasp forcing its way out of his body. He supposed this was how Ayame or his other ex girlfriends had felt whenever they...did it.

A sudden tingling and fluttering in his lower body left Naruto's jaw dropping in horrid, horrid realization. Shaky cerulean eyes slowly followed the jet black, spiked head as it lowered from his chest, to his stomach, then to...

Blue orbs were now the size of dinner plates.

And dear God, Naruto had a boner.

And Sasuke's mouth was the cause of it.

The blonde, no matter how much superfluity he fought with, could not form words, but rather heavy panting and gasps.

Sasuke was just as much of a debacle as his crony was, if not more. He just had a better way of obscuring it. He felt his body go on autopilot, and it hadn't quite registered to the raven that he had, from memory, pushed slim, orange clad legs apart until his he felt the tip of his nose meet the very prominent protrudance that was the blonde's...tent.

At that moment, the room became taciturn, and cerulean and obsidian finally met. The flush on Naruto's cheeks made Sasuke briefly wonder if his own expression of disgruntlement matched his.

The blonde was the first to break the taciturnity. "S...Sasuke...?" He began. "A...are you...g-gonna...?" It physically hurt to continue, so he didn't.

A shaky breath escaped the usually apathetic raven. "Y...yeah..." He spoke, and it did not contain the usual bastard-ness.

"O-oh..." Naruto stuttered out, not sure he found this position favorable, but did nothing to remove his amigo's head from between his legs.

_I am about two seconds away from abating this entire thing, kicking him out and taking a nap_, Sasuke thought in irritancy as he leaned up, to undo the blonde's zipper, before dipping his head back down.

The jeans slipped off with ease.

_Fuck._

Taking a not so subtle swallow, a lengthy, ivory appendage tugged down the eyesore that was the blonde's frog boxers. It damn near pained him to bring them down, but he did, and they slipped down with ease as well.

Sasuke refused to open illuminant, slanted eyes, before bracing himself, more sick thoughts floating amongst his mind. One in particular, _did the carpet match the drapes?_

Abating unwarranted thoughts, he opened them, only to find a scowl make its merrily way into his face.

Leave it to the dobe to be the only man in the world with a _"hardwood floor."_ Sasuke felt his masculinity cry in despair at the sight.

Not a single strand of hair on the lithe body. What the fuck?

"Are you sure you're a man, usurantonkachi?" He grunted out, like his face **_wasn't_** in between the blonde's legs.

"Sh...shut up, t-teme!" Naruto maundered, his own manliness threatened at the raven's words. "Just coz I'm kinda hairless doesn't make me unmanly! You look like more of a girl than I do! And I'm pretty sure all those girls you dated were closet lesbians! I still don't eveh know why I'm the one that has to...y'know..." He trailed off, his face far too alight with heat to continue the unfinished verbal castigation.

Despite just how queer and aberrant this situation truly was, the more venom that was spit from those plush, kiss bitten lips, the more it urged him on to shut his thoughts away.

By now, Sasuke wasn't abashed with himself when, before he even realized what he was doing, his hand lifted a tanned thigh over his shoulder.

His cognition shrieked in his mind, demanding to know what the fuck he thought he was doing, but it was all shoved to hell once his head dipped back down and his lips dotted Naruto's inner thigh with feathery light kisses.

With a sudden arch, a disturbingly erotic blend of a moan, mewl and a cry sent the blue eyed boy writhing.

_What are you thinking?_, Sasuke's subconscious bellowed within the confines of his mind. Sasuke couldn't answer back if he could, because in truth, he wasn't thinking. At all. Especially since he parted his lips to nip, mouth and suckle at the hyperstimulated, trembling softness of that area, earning more moans and soft cries of pleasuring stimulation from his childhood...

Friend?

Brother?

_Everything_, Sasuke thought fleetingly as his teasing tongue inched higher to his _**everything's**_ desire, people like Naruto don't just get a interrelation category. No, his dumb ass blonde was more than that.

"Ohh..." The blonde gasped out loud but stabbed himself on the inside for sounding like some chick in one of Kiba's hentai flicks. Sasuke tried not to focus on the spine tingling, jean tightening sounds the younger boy made that rang out in the borrowed space and echoed rather nicely off the walls. He instead thought of Temari, and her new swain, he thought of how the special edition Anita O'Day record he ordered a week ago hadn't gotten here yet, and he thought of how his bliss of routine had now been shattered because Temari dumped him and he was about to fellate his best friend.

Naruto, however, did not have the jubilant luxury of being able to form words like the onyx eyed boy between his legs. He couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, God, he just...

Fuck...

Simply put, he'd never been more aroused in his life, and Sasuke hadn't even gotten to the actual... part yet either.

To say Naruto was ready to slaughter Sasuke in frustrated vehemence when he pulled his mouth away to reach for the manga again was a bold, dramatic, flamboyant understatement.

"What the hell, teme? Come finish what you started!" He exclaimed, obnoxiously, his voice like nails to a chalkboard in Sasuke's mind.

Sasuke scrunched his nose up in abhorrence and ignored the blonde's palaver and looked the manga over. If the romantic, dominant man in the comic had been a woman, the fellatio scene would have been much more appealing, but Sasuke was far too giving in bed (which is ironic because any other time, he didn't give a fuck about anything) to skip out on oral, even if his partner right now was someone he'd never be attracted to, ever.

Gazing over each illustration, his eidetic memory took in everything, every single tongue trick and hand grappling the man used on the young male in the book burned itself into his dark irises.

Dropping the now useless, disturbing, homoerotic reading material, he turned to the very nude dobe, and scowled. He resumed to his earlier position, pushing those super-slim, rather long, shapely legs apart before lowering his spiked, raven head once again, his cold breath puffing over the dobe's not-so-small soldier, that stood proud and desperate for attention.

Snorting to himself, he took a firm hold of it, unabashedly, imitating not only the 'Rabbit' man from the book, but also his past girlfriends, and darting his candy pink tongue out to give an experimental lick, slowly dragging up, from base to tip.

The act itself wasn't...entirely damnable, per say, well, it still sort of was considering Sasuke just didn't swing that kind of way. But he believed it was worth it seeing just one stroke of the tongue send Naruto crying out in a feminine, almost innocent and sweet tone, and bite at his swollen lips in a poor attempt to save himself some dignity and handling (what's obviously) his first blowjob without anymore of his ego being mercilessly pounded on.

Once Sasuke began to use his entire mouth to engulf as much as his mouth could fease, the blonde he was pleasuring arched again and moaned and panted to the high heavens like a bitch in heat.

"Aahh." Was all the blonde could pathetically mewl out. It was weird at first, he knew. He'd known the raven loved to.. _**down**_girls whenever he "did the do", he was never shy about that, but, he'd never once dared to cogitate that now that they agreed to...relieve eachother, that he'd do it now.

Not that he was complaining though, he muttered to his subconscious that hurled every anti homosexual slur at him in blatant atrocity and self antipathy, some he never remembered ever even hearing.

That wondrous mouth of the older boy, the one that sneered and deadpanned, and kissed his beautiful girlfriend, and goes down on her, and tells her he loves her, (probably in a sarcastic manner, but the feelings are still there) and call Naruto stupid, and hissed at Ino's wide-forehead girlfriend, is now on his whorish, attention loving erection, slurping and sucking and licking and he writhes (even though the raven's long, slender hand keeps him pinned there) and moans to his heart's content, but there's just one disconcerting word on his mind and lodged up in his throat and fights to come up, like bile when he drinks too much or mucus when a girl breaks his heart once again and cries himself to sleep in pure anger and sadness, asking himself why can't he ever be loved.

But he doesn't say it.

"That's...ohh, **_fuck_**.." He gasps out, his hands above his blonde head and tangle themselves in the sheets. It's barely above a whisper and said boy works and laps at his arousal in oblivion like it's his job, and his naturally sharp nails dig into his thighs, and a long, drawn out cry of exhausted euphoria threatens to rip from his throat, because he felt his climax approaching but he never wants Sasuke to stop.

Naruto's sure his nails tore streaks down the sheets for clawing so hard at it, and his throat was going a little sore from the moaning and it's only a blowjob, but he can't give it anymore thought, because he sees white and he's crying out from the sheer ecstasy of it, but Naruto could almost swear he felt Sasuke chuckle around him

The blonde does not know what exactly happened next, but the raven lifts his infinitum eyes and quirks an eyebrow when cerulean eyes are wide with disenchanting horror.

"D...did you...?" Naruto stammers, before mentally punching himself in the face. When did he become the king of sentence cliffhangers?

Sasuke stares back, unflinchingly. "Spitters are quitters." He asserted, like it was supposed to explain everything.

"O...oh..." Naruto muttered, not truly, comprehensively getting it. "Um..." He began, heedlessly abandoning the awed thoughts of what exactly his best friend did with his...fluids.

Reaching under his pillow under the blonde's head, he loomed over the younger male and pulled out one of his handy, dandy contraceptions.

Biting off the top, he unwrapped it with sexually professional ease (Much to Naruto's chagrin) and looked back down at his nude, fair haired counterpart.

"It appears we don't need the book anymore, I can put two and two together as to what's supposed to betide now..."

Naruto's lips did not even spur a chance of parting, before Sasuke claimed them again. Cerulean eyes fluttered closed and he kissed back as fervently, and he simply blamed it on the fact that he was still very much upset about his beautiful Ayame dumping him, and needed affectional contact.

Yes, that was the exact reason.

But that was glaringly blatant, considering he will never be attracted to men, ever.

His hands found Sasuke's shoulders, and the blonde's own breathless pants against those thin, expressionless lips were the only sounds he heard, besides the shuffling of Sasuke's slacks and boxers being pulled down slightly to probably put on the...

Already large eyes widened tenfold.

_Oh shit, this was really happening._

His sharp nails dug into the ostentatious fabric as he felt his legs being parted. He distantly wondered why so many guys went gay in the first place. Like, was butt sex a one way ticket to heaven or something? Surely it wasn't all that.

In one fell swoop, Sasuke's very sizable...mini Sasuke was in there, and holy fuck, did it hurt.

Most would grit their teeth and learn to bear with it.

But then again, Naruto wasn't like most.

"_**Holy shit**_!" He screeched and Sasuke flinched in response. He ignored the raven's questioning gaze and began to thrash around.

"Aughh! Oh my God, the _**paiiiiin**_, dattebayo!"

Grunting in response, a look of discontinuance danced upon the onyx eyed male's beautific features.

"I told you it was eight and a half inches, dobe. Now stop tensing and you'll get used to it-"

Promptly ignoring the male above him, Naruto continued his theatrics. "Holy balls! I'm dying, aren't I!?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Really Temari never behaved like this. She took everything she got in bed like a power ranger. But then again, this was an entirely different hole he was dealing with, a hole that should and always remain an exit, not an entrance.

"I can't believe this! I'm, like, really gonna die!"

Sasuke scowled. "Naruto-"

"I can't believe I'm gonna _**die**_ just becoz' I'm having sex with my best friend!"

By now, Sasuke didn't know whether to laugh or facepalm. Sighing because the blonde's cacophony still hadn't ceased, he pushed tanned legs apart and pulled out slightly before pushing back in as deeply as he could fease.

Before Sasuke could repeat the action, to his jubilance, it shut the blue eyed boy up, and sent him gasping and arching off the bed in sudden surprise.

It was blatant that he was doing something right, so he repeated the action, driving hard into the lithe body, his nails digging into the underside of tanned kneecaps.

However, to Sasuke's utter, pure, white horror, he had nothing to distract himself with, so when Naruto voiced his opinion of the stimulating sensations that now flowed throughout his body in the form of lewd, x-rated cries and desirous groans, Sasuke's face went alight with a disturbed flush.

Eyes filled to the brim with perplexity, Sasuke just could not grasp that the ecstasy fueled vibrato that danced around his eardrums was from the same short, skinny, blonde annoyance who laughed and cried all the time and had that annoying speech impediment that buzzed around his ears annoyingly since he was six.

"A-aah...ohh, f...fa...ster..." Escaped the now aphrodisia blonde's lips. Those sharp nails once again above his head to claw at the sheets, not caring to know that if he continued to shred the sheets, his nails would become brittle and weak.

His jaw dropping uncharacteristically, Sasuke gritted his teeth in panic. He had to find a way to quiet the younger male's porn noises quickly before the Uchiha died of red-faced discomfort.

Reaching up a hand, he slapped it over the blonde's moaning lips.

_**Hard.**_

With a yelp of sudden shock and pain, Naruto's cloudy haze of utmost pleasure dispelled and his hands flew over to cradle his now even redder lips.

"What the fuck, 'ttebayo!?" He shrieked, glaring daggers into the now disgruntled Uchiha.

Sasuke frowned, desperate to defend himself. "Stop with those stupid fucking noises, it's weird!" He spat in rebuttal.

_And something else_, Sasuke thought to himself, but didn't think too much about what exactly those sounds did to him.

"Well, I'm sorry!" The blonde hissed. "It just felt really good, how the fuck else am I supposed to sound? Fine, I'll try to quiet down for you, is that alright?" He grumped.

Speechless for once, Sasuke sighed, parting those damned tanned thighs again. He chose to quicken the normally slow pace a little, now determined for this to end, hearing his best friend's provocative vocalization, it made him stiffen up and go all red in the face.

Untrue to his word, Naruto voiced his pleasure by softly crying out repeatedly, one hand tangled in Sasuke's comforter and the other digging in the raven's shoulder, all the while Sasuke hid his cherry red, burning cheeks into the crook of the Uzumaki's neck, successfully bringing the boy below him to climax all over again, the lithe body shuddering and breathless groan escaping those damned lips of his. Sasuke followed after, far too freaked out with this entire experience to make a sound.

Lifting his head, endless eyes met cerulean, and it was then, that Sasuke really took in the blonde's disheveled appearance. From the sweaty, wild cornsilk hair, half lidded, darkened eyes, panting, swollen lips and glazed over expression, he looked a little...

Before Sasuke could register what exactly he was doing, he lowered his head so their noses touched. It seemed his subconscious was determined to claim those lips again. Almost a centimeter away, rose lips seemed to part in anticipation.

Or at least, until the blonde spoke.

"So...is there a chance that I'm gonna, like...get pregnant now or something?"

With the illusion shattered due to the blue eyed male's imbecility, Sasuke scowled and ripped himself off the stupid boy and thrown away his now used contraceptive. Looking down at his now ruined shirt, he growled to himself before ripping the door open and stomping away to the bathroom.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

It was now two in the afternoon and Sasuke felt like murdering someone in cold blood. Being a business major, his classes were alot more susceptible to group and partner assignments. Leave it to his fate to not only have one of his fangirls as his assigned partner, but that lazy, stupid motherfucker, Nara Shikamaru who stole Temari from him was his partner also. His devil in human's skin older brother had randomly called him and told him he'd be popping up at his university soon. And to put the cherry on the top of his fantastic fucking Monday, he'd hadn't seen Naruto since Friday and he was supposed to be on his way to visit him and his circle right now.

_Fuck._

The only thing that calmed Sasuke's unstable nerves were the sweet, poetical lyrics of one of his favorite American jazz singers.

_"Skylarkkk..._  
_Have you anything to say to me?_  
_Won't you tell me where my love can be?_  
_Is there a meadow in the mist,  
W__here someone's waiting to be kissed?  
__Skylark..."_

Pulling out one of his handy cigarettes, he placed it between his lips, and fished around in his pocket for his lighter. Lighting the fag, he inhaled with a long drag, before slowly blowing the smoke back out. He sat at a nearby bench, the university's recreational garden area looking much bigger now that he was tired and out of zen.

Looking down, he watched in indifferent fascination as the pumpkin orange high tops stopped right in front of him.

Dead obsidian eyes looked up at the fidgeting blonde. Sasuke's fought off a scowl. "Hey, dobe..." He greeted, nodding his head to him.

"Hi, teme..." The tense boy whispered, softly. "Uhh, how was your weekend, 'ttebayo? Kyuubi popped up outta nowhere and we spent the weekend camping. We even saw a bear, isn't that funny? Hehehehehe..." He trailed off with an awkward, broken off giggle of nervousness.

"Hilarious..." Sasuke deadpanned, not caring to beat around the bush. He sighed for the eightieth time today. "Look, dobe. We're going to have to talk about Friday, eventually...might as well just cease the pseudo pretension now."

Naruto shifted his weight on one leg and looked away. "W...we still have that agreement, right, dattebayo?" It was low, and had Sasuke not have been so close, it would have fallen on deaf ears.

His head snapped upwards to look at the abashed blonde. He thought that of all things, the dobe would try to abate everything and try to banish the encounter to a corner of his mind.

"Yeah..." Sasuke maundered.

"Oh..." Was the blonde's rebuttal. Suddenly, he straightened a little. "Teme? Uhh, s...so, when are we-"

"What's up, bitches?!"

Jolting and yelping like a kicked dog, Naruto blurted out what's been on his mind the last few days.

"He forced me, I swear!"

"...Huh?"

Turning painstakingly slow, Naruto's wide eyes took in all of his friend's matched facial expressions of confusion.

Scratching at the back of his neck, he sheepishly giggled in response and avoided the chill of Sasuke's cold glare. "Ehehehe, what's up, guys?"

Ino flipped her white blonde ponytail over her shoulder and interlocked her fingers with her pink haired steady's, and sat.

Sasuke looked away.

Gaara and Kiba took their seats next to Naruto, who in turn, sat next to Sasuke. Such close proximity sent Naruto on edge, making him skittish and jittery.

Oblivious Kiba grinned wide. "So, Whisker-face, how was your weekend-"

"I did **_not_** have sex this weekend!"

Had Sasuke not have been one of the most expressionless people on the face of the planet, he would have choked on his spit, but settled for tensing up his jaw and narrowing his cold, dark eyes instead.

But Naruto kept rambling, obviously not used to going days without announcing his life story to everyone. "A-and it totally wasn't the best sex I've ever had, and I totally didn't get a blowjob this weekend either!"

Sasuke wanted to smack him! What the fuck was the idiot doing running his mouth like that?

"A-and it _**so**_ wasn't by someone with a really, _really_ awesome mouth either-"

Onyx eyes widened.

"And you t-totally don't know the person either, not at all-"

_Oh, hell no._

Drawing his fist back, he used all of his power to dig it into the idiotic blue eyed male's abdomen.

With an "oof" of surprise and utter pain, the blonde fell off the bench, onto the ground, curled up and cradling his abdominal wound.

Jade eyes looked up at Sasuke. "What's wrong with him?" Gaara asked, poking at the wheezing blonde with his foot.

"What's **_right_** with him?" Was Sasuke's grunted rebuttal. He glared daggers into the injured boy, and ran an exasperated hand through his hair.

"Fucking dobe..." He whispered, horrified with himself when he felt a smile tug at his lips.

Something told the raven that this "agreement" between them would not end very well.

_Fuck..._

* * *

_**AN**_: Well, folks, did you like it? Was it good? Please let me know if I should continue or not, please!

So yeah, I dunno, I liked it and I hope the lemon scene gave you guys all boners, coz it did for me! :-P

The song Sasuke listened to on the bench: "Skylark" by Carmen McRae. I pretty much modeled Sasuke in this after me, so I made him a jazz-fag. Don't judge him...or me.

_**Reviewer Question**_: If you were to date either Sasuke or Naruto in this fic, who would it be, and why? The always forgetful Naru or the egotistical, expressionless Sasu?

Anyways, reviewwwww. Because if you don't, then this fic is going straight into the recycle bin.

See you next time! (Or not...)

Ja Ne!

_-SicklePickle_


	2. Second Go

AN : Hello, once again, minna! I return with the second installment of Friends With Benefits!

And must I say, holy shit, my inbox blew up so fast! My first review was around thirty minutes after I posted the story! I have about twenty four in total, and only for one chapter! Thanks, guys, you really made a depraved, broke, soon-to-be-college girl very happy. :)

_**Disclaimer**_ : Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto, not me. If I had any of the money he has, I wouldn't be attending a community college :-P

_**Rating**_ : M

_**Warnings**_: Contains strong language, awkward sex, humor, Sasuke being a prick, sex, dry humor, awkward budding romance, sex, more humor, and even more sex.

_**Friends With Benefits~***_

_**Summary**_ : Romantically retarded Sasuke and Naruto both realized that sex without emotions involved was the perfect way to not deal with with the stress of dating. So they are now both determined to accomplish this... with each other. SasuNaru. AU. Humor.

_**Chapter Warning:**_Contains yaoi lemons, shoujou-ai, some het, Sasuke being a prick, anger, violence, a Sasu/Naru/Tema fight, and like every good Romance/Humor fic, we need some ANGST! But don't forget the fluff, and the hilarity that ensues afterwards :)

Oh, and there's quite a bit of yaoi incest here as well... for my 'Cest fans out there, the ending of this chapter's for YOU! :D

* * *

_**Song Listening Inspiration For Sasuke And Temari **_: "Girlfriend" By Phoenix

_"Tired out, not a miracle in days,  
Deciders for the lonely,  
Whispering tears...  
You try out for nothing then you drop dead,  
Not a miracle in years,  
Leisure for the lonely,  
Whispering unnecessary unless you're in..._

_Die and succeed..._  
_I say it out loud but you just don't care,_  
_Farewell, til you know me well..._  
_Farewell, til you know me well..._  
_Girlfriend...__"_

* * *

**_Not_ _Beta'd_** : Ignore the grammatical errors, please!

* * *

**_Second Go_**: _In Which Sasuke Should Have Just Hung Himself...__  
_

* * *

#$%&

* * *

Dialing the memorized digits, the blonde waited.

Ring...

Ring...

Fucking _ring..._

_"The caller cannot be reached. Please hang up, or retry dialing the number-"_

Retry.

Dial.

Ring...

Ring...

"_The caller cannot be reached. Please hang up or retry dialing the number again-"_

"Damn it, teme, pick _**up**. Fuck_, I could be dying, and you would, like, never even know, dattebayo!"

After boundless, utterly superfluous attempts at getting in contact with the bullheaded raven, Naruto then proceeded to decimate his phone with his foot, simply because he actually wanted to cry in frustration but Kyuubi had called him a crybaby, so he saw to prove his bastard brother wrong.

Wrong thing to do.

_"Ffffffffuuuuuucccckkkk...!"_

An ardent explosion of pain shot through his little being and he jumped back, determined not to scream like a little girl that just got her pigtail pulled.

He did anyway.

Wiping away stray, extremely **_manly_** tears of pain, the blonde then looked down as to _**why** _his wondrous, god-like foot was just assaulted.

Oh right.

He was barefoot.

"Everyone's against me today, 'ttebayo..." He swore, before rubbing at the now wounded under-skin. Fine, he'd murder his frog phone later.

_Why won't he answer? _Naruto thought, pouting. Sasuke always answered his phone, even when the blonde had called shrieking one day at three in the morning that he had a spider in his bed, and demanded the Uchiha come to his dorm four flights up and check it out. In actuality, the '_spider_' was in fact a thread from his pillowcase, and Sasuke made sure to shove his foot deep up the blue eyed male's ass for that, especially considering that was the only day Temari wasn't busy and slept over.

_Bah, who needs her anyways? _He frowned. He disliked seeing Sasuke upset, especially when the enormity of his negative mood stemmed from her in the first place. Sasuke really loved her, and still did, but nothing good came out of stressful relationships.

The blonde then grimaced when realized that the older, dark eyed male was the only source of his cognitions lately. Ayame hadn't crossed his mind since she'd promptly told him to go fuck himself with a steel pole when he had visited her at the ramen shop three hours after she had dumped him, to ask if she was kidding about breaking off their jubilant three months of romantic exuberance. Her hair was still wet from the rain and Naruto almost sworn he saw steam brewing from her ears.

"I still don't understand why she dumped me..." He maundered to himself, maybe she just couldn't handle having such an awesome boyfriend and felt insecure around other girls. After all, he **_was_ **a colloidal buffet of blonde goodness. And women wanted him. Lots of women. Beautiful women. Of all shapes, sizes, and colours. With curves, and boobs and stuff.

Yes, that was it.

That was _definitely _it.

"Yeah, right, dobe. As if women like that would fight over **_your_ **dumb ass..."

Naruto glared. "Shut up, teme."

"No good comebacks, eh, Usurantonkachi?"

Ocean eyes narrowed. "I would have more comebacks, but I left them all in your mother's mouth!" He growled. Ha! Take that!

"Ooooooh, that got me right in the heart, dobe..."

"Damn it, you asshole, I-"

_**Wait.**_

It had actually taken Naruto a couple of brief moments for his mind to formulate that the abstruse Uchiha was in fact, _**not **_in the room at this present moment, and the blonde had actually been conjuring up the entire conversation. Rather badly, now that he realized it, he didn't even _try _to make the older male's voice the deep, velvety baritone that always graced itself upon the blue eyed male's godly eardrums.

_Damn it, mocking the teme isn't even fun unless he's here! _He lamented to himself. With a shrill growl of antipathy, he jumped up, his blue gem eyes alight with measureless determination. "That's fucking _**it**_, 'ttebayo! I'm gonna go find the teme and kick his pale ass!"

Jumping up, he slipped on his daunting carrot orange hoodie, and equally magnificent, orange low-top sneakers and threw the door open, determined to hunt down the so-called "dark haired epitome of majestic sexiness" that was his best friend.

It would be a dangerous mission, he decided. He would have to search far and wide, conquering obstacles, ravishing sinful women, and fighting off dragons and other dangerous debacles in order to reach his companion. As far as he was concerned, Sasuke had been kidnapped by the dreaded two headed demon dog, Cerberus, and it was all up to Naruto and his awesome blonde hair-dedness to retrieve him from the flaming tower of doom-

_brrggghhh_.

-Uhh, well, right _**after**_ he got some ramen.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

_"I'd like to say thank you very much and good night, I'd like to say peace. yeah, and happiness, happiness, yeah happiness..." _

"Music died the moment you did, Hendrix-sama..." Sasuke mumbled behind his cigarette. He sat, cross legged against a random tree, headphones dangling from his ears, as the left handed god of all gods filled them to the brim. Sure, he was old fashioned, but old school musical talent sure as hell beat the new school _**garbage**_ that Naruto and Kiba listened to by a milestone. Seriously, _An Cafe_? _G-Dragon_? What the fuck?

But enough of that.

Today was, dare he say, _exalting. _He didn't have his class with woman stealing Nara or leader of the Sasuke fan-club, Ami, his father had hot, scalding coffee spilled on his lap-

**Input Sasuke smile.**

-And he hadn't seen runny mouth Uzumaki all day either. Now, Sasuke never fit the class of those who ran from their botherations, when shit hit the fan, Sasuke was always well equipped with an umbrella.

But this was a differential of the utmost colloidal degree.

His... _liaisons _had been different with the blonde before.

_Sleep had definitely been a formidable opponent last night_, he decided, it already had been hard to sleep over the weekend, but it became even more damnable since that blabbermouth had voiced his too true feelings of the matter in front of his circle yesterday. Rather explicitly, actually.

It took all of his might to obstruct the coloration threatening to tinge his milk pigmented skin the minute the blonde imbecile open his damned mouth. He somehow doubted that Naruto would have given his name away, but still, the abashment was still felt when he heard his companion speak on about his skills in the bedroom. Anyone _else _can brag about how remarkably errorless he was as a flame, hell, he'd smirk at the boost of his already industrial sized ego, but this, this was _disparate_. This was fucking _**Naruto**_. The blue eyed, short, skinny little exasperation who only dined on ramen and cried for every little thing, the one that picked fights with him for nothing, and chased everything with a vagina-**  
**

_-And gasped, and cried out and clawed, and arched and came and ruined Sasuke's ostentatious, costly shirt-_

Futzing with his lighter again, he relit the neglected fag and inhaled in the cancerous gas, slowly before exhaling it out.

It didn't help.

"Fucking hell..." He maundered, once his obsidian eyes spotted familiar pink-and-blonde. In fact, the familiarity of the pink was what sent Sasuke's stomach lurching.

Now, he did not hate Haruno Sakura in any way, that hate was saved for Itachi, it was just her... _existence _that embittered the dark eyed male. How **_dare_ **she call herself a woman? Seriously, she had _nothing_, she had breast like a ten year old boy, no curves, no ass, nothing, just... just fucking _**forehead**_.

His acerbated eyes took in the scene, Ino's taller, curvy frame against the lithe, tiny frame of her inamorata as they shared a kiss-

_**Input Sasuke glare.**_

-until Ino muttered something and Sakura's normally emerald eyes darkened.

_Huh, _Sasuke mused, _it almost looks like she's going to-_

_**Wham.**_

Had Sasuke _not_ have been the master of the obscuring his ardor from humanity, he was sure he would have been doing cartwheels.

The busty blonde stood, rooted to the ground, glaring vehemently down at the shrieking pinkette, completely unimpaired by the intensity of the probably ear-ringing slap that had just been delivered to her face.

The yelling ceased, and to Sasuke's sadistic enjoyment, the much smaller young woman began to weep, smacking away Ino's hand when she reached out to her.

_You_ _cry when the going get tough? _The raven scoffed internally. _You wouldn't last a day in my 'hood, pinky, let alone my **house**._

And it was true, the only one allowed to show that they actually **_felt_ **was his mother. The Uchiha mansion was just fucked up like that.

With a sudden surge of power, Ino rushed forward and grabbed her, and Sasuke mentally munched down on popcorn.

Or at least until his almost swain smashed her mouth against the other's.

An umbraged glower found its way on the raven's comely face.

What the fuck was this, _Gone With The Wind_? How did it ascend to an almost Mike Tyson brawl, then descend to making out again?

Resting his head back, he was now piqued with himself for anticipating a fight in the first place. Some friend he was.

It was already dolorous being in love with two different women.

Now even more **_so_ **that said women both don't want him.

His cigarette fell, uselessly to the grass.

It was then that Sasuke realized that everything sucked major donkey balls.

"My life's a fucking farce..." He digressed, before getting up and dusting off his slacks, 'Eleanor Rigby' playing on deaf ears.

Checking his cellular phone, he checked the time. Two hours until his next class.

He cruised en route to his university building, deciding he would continue to ignore everyone's frantic phone-calls and study for his Linguistics exam, he was already fluent in English, Italian, Creole, and Icelandic. So far, his future as an international information broker seemed eminently bright.

However, it seemed the French language took a liking to pinning him down and raping him up the ass.

_What's that phrase again? _He grunted, almost expecting his cognitions' rebuttal. _Bonne nuit? Fuck..._

With diffident thoughts of Itachi shoving French fries down his throat in order to help him '_study'_, Sasuke's focus set adrift, and didn't notice the dangersome aura a few feet from him until it was too late.

"Sasuke."

Stopping, he turned as haltingly as he could fease.

No.

No.

_Nonononono-_

"Temari." Spilled from his lips, short and clipped.

He paused his current song, and looked her over. In the four or five something days he hadn't seen her, and she looked ten years younger, her normally conservative attire was replaced with her loose curled hair, form fitting purple dress and heels.

"I see you disregarded wearing actual **_clothing_ **today." He said, a vehement undertone in it. Sure he was being petulant, but what the hell, wasn't dumping him and jumping on another smart asshole's cock enough? What _**else **_could she possibly do to fuck with his already brittle psyche?

Her teal eyes sharpened. "Do not anger me today, **_Uchiha_**." She retorted, crisply.

_Last name basis now, _He sighed, _Fuck, that hurt alot more than I thought it would..._

"Look, alright, _Inquisitive-san, _I'm fucking busy, yeah? I don't need any tiresome colloquy to prevent me from continuing my day, that _you _in fact, ruined. Now speak your baseless fighting words, and allow me the amenity of keeping it pushing."

If Temari didn't pimp-slap his ass to oblivion, he would have done it to himself! He was supposed to have capacious amounts of self control at his disposal, his father would roll around in his grave if he heard Sasuke ever speak that coarsely to anyone, let alone a woman, especially considering that his father was very much still alive.

Much to Sasuke's chagrin, she just shook her head. "You'll never change, will you? You're..._piteous_."

Stiffening, illimitable, boundless eyes narrowed to slits. "Excuse me?"

Temari isurrected the malignant question with ease. "You'll never change, and you'll stay reprehensible, and loathsome, and abhorrent, and **_lurid_-**"

_Wait. _

Sasuke was starting to get dizzy, this blatant, pent up information too exorbitant for him to take at such a rapid rate. "Hold on, wh-"

Abased once again, Temari spoke, her attitude grating the Uchiha's already delicate nerves. "And you're so repugnant and detrimental and nocuous-"

It was then that Sasuke found his wayward voice, his eyebrows twitching in annoyance, every word she spit from those comely lips of hers hitting him harsher than he anticipated. "Did I really just pause off '_Smooth __Criminal_' for this?" He voiced out, its usual insouciance adrift. "Goodbye, Temari."

With that he turned, to swagger crisply away from his ex flame as abroad as he could fease. Being abreast to her was the equivalent of ripping off each of his fingernails.

He had managed to place exactly _one earbud _in his ear, before that infuriating, lovely voice of hers rang out again.

"_**Why don't you want me back**_?!"

Desisting his footsteps, it was then that he turned back around, even his almost torpor attitude damned to hell.

Temari's usual dispassionate eyes were lit with raw emotion, her mascara smudging. It was then that Sasuke had finally seen her supposed in-tact demeanor in splinters.

This wasn't a game anymore.

_Temari was crying. _

_"_What do you want from me, Temari?" discomfiture embedded in his voice as if it were stabbed there. "What the **_fuck_ **do you want from me?"

"I **_hate_ **you!" She shrieked. "You are the _bane _of my existence! Why do I even **_love_ **you-"

"That's right." Sasuke mocked. "Let it all out. I'm the utter most abominable beau in this side of the universe, aren't I? Well, why don't you tell me why you _really _dumped me then while we're at it-"

"_It's because of_ _that_ **_blonde_**!"

Freezing up, he glowered down at the heaving, blonde bombshell. "For fuck's **sake**, Ino is a fucking _**lesbian**_, don't you see her tonguing down that girl over there, they're like six feet away from us-"

"_Not her_..."

Puzzlement made its merrily way onto the beautiful Uchiha's features. "Come again?" Sasuke rasped.

Temari then proceeded to glare at him like he just ruthlessly slaughtered seven kittens. "Not. _Her._ _**Him**_." Her voice descended to an antipathic hiss.

Sasuke then stared as if she'd suddenly grown a third breast. "What does Naruto have to do with-"

"You **_know_ **_what he has to do with it!_" And damn it, she was screaming again, her anger crackling down to abjection. "As long as he continues to coincide with you, we will **_never_ **be what we once were...does that mean _anything_ to you? He will always get in the way of us...you understand that, don't you?"

"This is ridiculous." He groaned.

She narrowed her drenched eyes. "You would leave in the middle of the night for him, you moved from Oto to Konoha for him, and you turned down your acceptance of Hebi University to attend here, because he was too of an _imbecile _to have decent grades-"

"**_Watch your lip_**." Sasuke suddenly hisses, making her flinch. _The only one who can bash the idiot is me, _He nodded to himself.

"Will there ever be anything I can do... for me to ever be of higher priority than him?" She sobbed.

Before his brilliant mind could formulate a decent rebuttal to those words, her soft, tear-drenched lips found his.

He kisses back.

She tastes like sadness.

And smells of fags.

..._Temari doesn't smoke..._

Ripping his mouth from hers, he almost makes her stumble, the revulsion in his limitless eyes evident.

"You even _**smell** of_ him." The raven snarled. "The fucking _nerve _of you to even-"

"Come to Suna with me." Temari then pleads suddenly.

Jaw snapping shut, the spiky haired young male stared, aghast.

_I would do fucking **anything **to escape from this extraneous bullshit right now. _He growls to himself.

Growing weary of her tiresome, bipolar palaver, the Uchiha was about ready to burst and strangle the ever loving shit out of his ex. Where did she get off with these mixed messages? Every inhabitant in the earth knew that Uchiha Sasuke's emotions were never to be toyed with.

Civility and docility be damned, he was a hair away from an assault charge.

"_Sasu**keeeeeee**!" _

_Fuck. _

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuck._

_No**. **_

_**Fucking. NO.**_

_He could handle Temari's psychotic, mental breakdown, but not-_

"Oh, God, no..." Sasuke lamented.

Only one person on God's green earth yelled his name like that.

He turned, his back to his watery-eyed inamorata, to face the angry pair of sapphire eyes he'd been trying to forestall from seeing.

_Alright, _He thought, _there's a tree right over there, if I sprint fast enough, I can make it to the tree and hang myself... However, I am missing a key component...__ a noose...fuck, well, my necklace can suffice, I suppose..._

Heaving out a deep, ragged sigh, he trudged to the explosive, choleric blonde. Behind him, he heard Temari again.

"It's rare that people find their soul-mates in this earth, Sasuke!" She cried, softly. "Are you really going to give up a stable future with me for _**him**_? You can't follow him for the rest of your life, you _know_ that! He'll get married, and he'll move on, and you won't be of importance to him anymore! Can you _unequivocally _tell me he's worth it...?" The last few words descended to crackled whispers.

Gritting his teeth, a wave of misplaced acrimony washed throughout his entire being. It only ascended tenfold once he reached the babbling, lithe blonde.

Naruto obviously did not pick up on the malignant aura his companion had, and was determined to tell the Uchiha off.

"Teme, how _**dare** _you ignore my calls! I even called my cousin to ask where you were, and she was all like '_Child, please, I ain't his keeper_!' why do you even hang out with Karin? She is such a bitch, 'ttebayo! But anyways, I am so fucking _mad _at you, you prick! I know you got my sixty six phone-calls! I could have been kidnapped and shit, and you would, like, totally been unaware! You gotta be more responsible, like me, dattebayo-"

With a sudden surge of expedition, he fisted a handful of curled, blonde spikes and lifted the smaller blonde's head, until they were nose to nose.

Destitute eyes uncharacteristically alight with odium, Sasuke's next words were maundered against, plush, startled, trembling lips.

"_**Stop. Talking**_..." It was a demand, and it did not contain the slight bit of playfulness it usually did.

Roughly letting go, the Uchiha stalked off, passers by smart enough to move out of his way.

Naruto was, in short, a debacle. What the fuck happened? Sasuke was never malicious to the blonde no matter how much he went on about. Looking over to the direction the dark eyed young male came from, he spotted Temari-a very scantily clad Temari-but Temari nonetheless. He almost flinched when her already hard eyes almost crystallized from the immensity of vehemence she put into her stare. With a sniffle, she stomped away, leaving the overly curious blonde no choice but to investigate.

_Even if Sasuke wanted him to, or not..._

* * *

#$%&

* * *

When did today turn into such shit?

Sasuke, with his costly, ostentatious Yohji Yamamoto combat boots, smashed into his door, sending it flying open, however it did nothing to dispel his enmity. Once he reached his temporary sleeping quarters, he sat onto the borrowed bed, and lowered his head, running both hands through his hair, he exhaled hard enough to almost leave him boneless.

Did the enormity of his life really circle around the blonde idiot?

Sure, it was true that he traveled cross country to move to Konohagakere, would jump up at all types of night if the blonde asked him to, and turned down an acceptance to an Ivy League school to attend this crappy, public university filled with dick-head kids who didn't want to do anything with themselves, because his blue eyed counterpart's grades were only accepted here, but it didn't mean _**anything. **_

**_It did not mean that he placed Naruto above anyone else. _**

Even the _cognition_ of the Usurantonkachi being number one in Sasuke's life was laughable.

But even so... two, three, four years from now... a newly married dobe, with kids and a career, and enjoying life...

Without Sasuke...

Rising, he looked under his bed, and retrieved his desired object.

_Decisions, **fucking** decisions..._

* * *

_#$%&_

* * *

Taking an industrial sized gulp, blue gem eyes took in the slightly marred doorknob of his polar opposite's dorm room. A shaken hand clasped onto the cheap gold and pulled it open.

The apprehensive blonde sighed out a shaken breath, before stepping in. He saw Sasuke out and about with something, and decided to make his presence known. "T...Teme? uhh... are, you...y'know, still mad?"

_Please don't hurt me_, was what he really wanted to say, but Uzumaki Naruto was an extremely _**manly man**_, and tough, strong manly men didn't beg to be spared, even by their own best friends' ire. Surely, the blue eyed male had _some _dignity left.

"Quite the contrary..." Sasuke hummed, disconcertedly, folding up each and every article of clothing he had immaculately, with ease.

It was then Naruto knew something was askew.

"S...Sasuke?" The younger male murmured, taking in his companion's now queer surroundings. "What are you doing...?"

"Packing." The dark haired male said, short, clipped, and tonelessly.

"O-Oh..." Naruto then nodded, perking up a little. "You going away for the weekend or something...?"

Dissociated eyes finally found his. "Or something..."

The blond's delusive smile finally crashed and burned off his face. "What's going on, Sasuke...?"

Precluded dark eyes again. "I'm moving... to Suna.."

Beryl eyes widen.

_Wait..._

**_What?_**

"Wait..." Naruto started, "Sasuke, h-hold on, alright? Wh-why are you going to-"

"Temari and I are back together."

It was then the room became quiescent, taciturn, and eminently tense.

_But...Konoha...and our friends..._

_And our_ _**agreement**_...

A slim, tanned hand tangled itself in fair curls. "I-I thought...I thought you and her-"

Abasing the blonde, Sasuke snorted. "Things change, Naruto, as do people..."

He then found his voice. "You c-can't just _leave, _teme! What about our friends? All of us?! We're good together! We're like... Fleetwood Mac, y'know? Except we're not all fucking each-other!"

Sighing in a blatantly malcontented fashion, Sasuke shrugs. "Shit happens, people move on..." Was all he maundered.

The almost lethargic attitude the raven sported made the fair haired male almost see red. "Is that to be said about me too. Don't you **_feel_** anything about leaving me behind?!" He finds himself screaming.

_Ahh, yes, the anger..._Sasuke muses, as an acrid smile finds its way tight on his face. He'd anticipated it, but nothing topped actually experiencing the usually jubilant fair haired young male's once in a blue moon indignation.

"Well, if the shoe fits, ne, Cinderella?" A grin of embitterment almost split his face in half.

_This is the closest I've come to actually crying, _Sasuke realized, his introspection now melancholic.

Naruto did not return the mocking upturn of lips. "This is **_not_ **a joke, you asshole-"

"**_Isn't_ **it, though?" Sasuke interrupted, his grin splintering as an acerbic chuckle escapes his lips. "I lose either way, do I not? There's never a **_median_ **in this life, right? I've come to realize that I'm foreordained to fail, so why not? Why **_isn't_ **it all a joke?"

Despite being damn near ready to tear his psychologically brittle best friend a new one, he allowed his face and eyes to soften. "What's wrong with you, teme? I thought you were happy here-"

Sasuke scoffed in response. "_Happy_?-"

"Happi**_er_**..." The blonde corrected, dejected at the admittance that his counterpart was, in fact, _not_ sunshine and lollipops like he deluded himself to think. Sasuke frowned in rebuttal.

"There's no prospect here, no foundation, nothing... besides, why do _you _care?"

Such a buoyant tone caused Naruto to freeze up, his eyes unblinking and wide.

Still, Sasuke went on. "Unlike you, Usurantonkachi, I think realistically of things, do you expect me follow you like an adrift, domestic pet, country to country, decade to decade for the rest of my existence? Do you _really _think we'll be best friends forever? You should remove your pre-pubescent rose-tinted glasses, and quit fooling yourself into believing that I'm actually _important _to you-"

_**BAM. **_

It was the sharp, caustic, sting that erupted from his cheek that brought Sasuke out of his temporary psychosis. Blinking slowly and digesting that Naruto had in fact slapped the living hell out of him, Sasuke came to, and looked down and saw, really _**saw**_ the agony in those ocean eyes.

_I am such an ass sometimes..._Sasuke winced to himself.

"Naruto-" He started to say.

Acerbated, the blonde shook his head. "Don't bother..." he whispered, before curtly turning, and stomping off.

The sudden slam of the door told Sasuke painfully that the scene that just unfolded was in fact, actuality, and such made him slump onto his bed, his face buried in his hands as his thousandth sigh escaped him that day.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

Temari sat, one of her many textbooks scattered along the grass, her beautific eyes absorbing every word. She inspected her cellular phone again.

Sasuke should have disembarked from his dormitory room by now.

She sighed, before growing despondent.

_I should not have let my mastery of my emotions unhinge in such a way, _She grumbled to herself.

However, Temari was not a robot in which everyone's notions were preconceived to be.

She felt.

And she felt _hard_, goddamn it.

And seeing that little blonde boy doing by any means possible to show that Sasuke _didn't _need Temari was teeth-grindingly distressing.

She did not like Uzumaki Naruto, she decided. He was the bright yellow wall bulwarking Sasuke from anyone possessing his heart. And that kind of cultivation the young male felt for her ex/not ex was anomalous to say the least.

It was then her cognitions of dilapidating a certain blonde boy were ceased once she noticed her raven haired boy casually walking towards her.

She'd prepped herself for everything now.

One thing was for certain, she would _not _lose control of herself today.

He approached her, nodding his head to her, his mannerisms returned. "Temari."

"Sasuke." She offered. "Why don't you sit?"

"I'd rather stand." He asserted, no emotion evident in those illimitable eyes.

Ignoring the pang of hurt, she spoke again. "Have you decided?"

He nods. "Oh, yes, I have. I really, _really _have..."

A feeling of ambivalence danced in the pit of her stomach. "Well...? What is your answer?"

"My answer is..." He started. "...Go fuck yourself..."

Jaw tensing up, her eyes narrowed. "You'll soon realize that you are making an ample mistake, Sasuke..."

He snorts in response. "Perhaps..." He maundered. "But until then... once again..._ go fuck yourself_...bye Temari..."

With that, he turns on his heel to strut away, Temari uselessly calling after him.

"He won't always be there, you know!"

"He won't..." Sasuke called over his shoulder. "But I will..."

He left the seething, busty blonde to sizzle in her own pot of karma, and headed to the recreational area, '_Immigrant Song' _pumping in his ears.

_Right now, he had a dobe to find..._

* * *

_#$%&_

* * *

It took a few minutes before celestial, melanoid eyes founded the affable bushel of blonde tresses.

And from the looks of it, it seemed he was busy.

With _who _was the question.

The young woman was, rather beauteous in a '_You cheat on me, I rip your balls off' _kind of way. Tall, with dark, almost cimmerian skin, a long nest of vibrant red hair, and an appealing, curvaceous body. She grinned brightly at something stupid the blonde had said, and pulled at the blue eyed male's wrist, before scrawling something down and swaggering away.

He approached the dobe, and watched in fascination and chagrin as the younger male's entire demeanor splintered into a cheerless scowl.

Kicking at the grass below his sneakers, Naruto averted his eyes. "Here to call me names one last time before you shove off for '_home_'?" He frowned, dispiritedness eminent in his voice.

Smirking a little, Sasuke rolled his shoulders, his day already ascending now that the blonde was here to amuse him.

"Usurantonkachi...I _**am** _home..."

Disconsolate eyes went alight to its usual cerulean. "Y-you're staying, 'ttebayo?"

_Oh, __**now his** speech impediment makes an entry again... _Sasuke thought, rolling his eyes. "Yes..." He grumbled, fighting off a smile as Naruto fought off a seizure of felicity.

_Don'tjumponhimdon'tjumponhimdon'tjumponhim..._

Ah, fuck it.

Pouncing on his much taller friend, he wrapped his arms around the raven's shoulders in a firm embrace, a dazzling grin lighting up his already winsome face. "Fucking _A_!" He cheered, in exuberance. "I would've gone _nuts_ if you woulda left, dattebayo!"

"You'd miss me?" Sasuke smirked.

"I'd **_need_ **you..." Naruto countered, pulling away. As he did, a flash of black met his eyes.

Shifting all of his weight onto one foot, Sasuke eyed his companion with insouciance. "Well, dobe, I saw you engaging in meaningful colloquy with a red haired woman. What was that all about?"

"O-oh..." Naruto stammered out, coloration tinging his cheeks. "Well, her name's Karui, and she was looking for her brother Killer B, she doesn't go here, then we started to talk and stuff, 'ttebayo..."

That caused Sasuke to quirk an eyebrow. Killer B? That buffoon was in kinship to a sophisticated, all together woman like that?

_Then again, my older brother is Satan, so who can I judge? _

He then grasped the blonde's wrist to inspect the neatly scrawled digits along the tanned palm.

A sinistral idea sent him smirking again. "Is this her number?"

The blush ascended tenfold. "Y-yeah..."

Deific, profound eyes twinkle with mischief. "Is this _permanent_ marker?"

Puzzled, ocean eyes met his. "No, why-"

Without missing a beat, Sasuke brought the smaller male's hand up to his mouth, his expert, _oh so experienced _tongue glided across the scribble. The appalled gasp that escaped from the blonde made Sasuke's perilous upturn of lips escalade sevenfold.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he turned away and began to walk off, Naruto shrieking profanities while trying to salvage the now heavily marred ink. "Goddamn it, teme! Why'd you fucking **_do_ **that, 'ttebayo? You just ruined my chance of possibly attaining true love!"

Not turning away, Sasuke spoke through his smirk. "Consider that the calamity of karma for slapping me earlier. You hit like a little girl by the way..."

Hearing the frustrated cry behind him, Sasuke was almost question-less that-

"_Damn it, you asshole! Come back here so I can **fuck you**** up**_!"

-Naruto would start chasing him.

Sasuke then picked up speed and sprinted, the little antagonized blonde behind him, steam brewing from his ears.

A genuine smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

_This fucking dobe will be the death of me, I swear..._

However, Sasuke preferred his life ending with a raging, blue eyed midget blonde in it, than without...

* * *

_#$%&_

* * *

Neither raven nor blonde could foretell when the unavoidable situation would transpire again.

It would betide again, yes, but never at this very moment.

**_BANG._ **

Naruto would have yelped like a kicked dog once his back cudgeled against the solid wall of his polar opposite's dormitory, if his lips weren't immersed with moaning or contending against the older male's own.

How it ascended from Naruto attempting to go Bruce Lee on Sasuke's ass, to descending to making out and blindly knocking the raven's valuables down in the haze of dominance, the blonde had no idea. But it had been a week since they first... _did the do,_ and with seeing Ayame around campus with that taller, much more physically fit Aoi Roku-blah blah blah, and Sasuke pulling his disappearing act, the blue eyed male had been pent up...

But not because of Sasuke, no way.

He'd never... _want_ Sasuke like that...

Ever.

So the main source of his sexual frustration has got to be his sweet, beautiful Ayame-chan...

Because he loved her so, so_** much. **_

Yeah, that was totally it.

Not Sasuke..._at all_.

Brought off the wall, Naruto's lips refused to leave Sasuke's, and as more exorbitant trinkets fell to the ground, Naruto's legs wrapped around the much taller male's waist as they sightlessly stumbled to the bed.

Heedlessly finding it with an impeccable retrospect, lips broke apart and the raven's mouth found sanctuary in the form of a certain blonde's throat, earning a soft groan of endorsement.

His arms pinned above his head again, it brought Naruto a bit out of his cloud of sexual obscurity.

"D-don't...forget... _nnn_... I-I'm still-_ahh_, pissed, a-aright, 'ttebayo?"

"Whatever..." Was the maundered words against his chest as Sasuke once again, proceeded to lacerate his orange chemise.

Flinging the repugnant thing over his shoulder, Sasuke's mouth lowered down the the tanned, blemish-less skin again, mimicking his ministrations from seven days prior.

Naruto glared.

Sasuke didn't care.

The feeling of accomplishment ascended thirtyfold once another groan emitted from gasping, plush, kiss-bitten lips.

Once again, he allowed himself to be miffed for a brief moment, still piqued by the lack of breasts.

"I truly do not think..." The Uchiha started. "I'll ever get used to this..."

"You're **_really_** fucking asking for it, aren't you, teme-_aahh..._", his breath was once again stolen out of his body as Sasuke's tongue flicked over susceptible skin.

Eyes squeezing shut, a bawdy moan escaped from comely lips.

_C'mon, dignity, you can come along and help me **any day** now! _The blonde pleaded to his cognitions.

"Aahh...mnn..."

Naruto at least wanted his arms free so he could bury his face in his hands, and scrape up the last bit of his masculinity, however Sasuke's intentions were crystal clear once he saw the raven's entrancing mouth de-escalade down to between his cloth covered thighs.

Oh fuck, he's going down _there _again...

Did it make Naruto any less manly if he admitted that he was joyously anticipating it?

Oh, well.

_"Ahh...lower...almost... there..." _Naruto pants out, without thinking, far too lost in the haze of euphoria to bother with anything otherwise.

Sasuke froze for a minute, his celestial, godlike brain trying to formulate exactly what had just betided.

_Did he just... **adjure** me to go down on him? _

_Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatth efuckwhat-  
_

The raven's mind was in disarray.

If that wasn't daunting enough, he made the industrial sized mistake of looking down.

Melanoid eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

Richard fucking C_hrist, _Sasuke had a stiffy.

Off of his best friend's lewd, bawdy breathless command alone.

Color splashed onto his milk pigmented cheeks.

_Now isn't **this **position familiar?_, Sasuke thought in irritancy as he leaned up, to undo the blonde's zipper, before dipping his head back down.

The jeans slipped off with ease.

Again.

Then those repugnant orange plaid boxers...

_Fucking hell..._

Sucking in a shaky breath, Sasuke's lips parted, darting his candy pink tongue out to give an empirical lick, slowly dragging up, from base to tip.

With a sudden arch, an x-rated cry sent the blue eyed boy writhing.

"_Fuck_...!" The blonde gasped out loud, arching off the bed. It if was one thing the blonde would admit begrudgingly, was that his companion's mouth was fucking _empyrean_... no wonder Temari sojourned with his bastard best friend for so long.

All thought and the aptitude to form words were shot to hell, only the competence to moan and mewl and cry out stayed.

_Talk about sensory fucking overload..._

It was only subsequently Sasuke's second time... _downing _the dobe, however it disturbingly began to feel like he was just orally pleasuring any other girl, despite the two being anatomically different.

Engulfing the tip of the blonde's heated desire, he reveled in the cries of ecstasy that echoed off of his burrowed walls like gunshots.

"Nnn...haahh..." He gasps out, his hand darting out almost without his own permission, and gripped an ample, thick nest of raven tresses that lovely mouth for more of that sensuous, wondrous moist heat.

The blonde, in all honesty, just didn't want the raven to stop.

Sasuke's eyes went wide with disenchanting horror as his head was roughly gripped on and his mouth was shoved deeper onto the blue eyed male's arousal.

What the fuck? The Uchiha hissed in shock. The blonde was not _small_, and had Sasuke been someone else, he would have coughed and sputtered, but he was the lord of the emotionally impersonal, so he just settled for increasing his suctions and glowered up at the whimpering, writhing smaller male.

With an inaudible, shaking gasp, Naruto climaxes, and Sasuke's glare ascends tenfold as the blonde's essence trickles down the raven's esophagus.

Rising to a kneeling position, Sasuke absentmindedly licks at his soaked fingers. Once they are deemed untarnished, he grabs for his contraceptions.

He bites off the top, before pulling it out, now persevered to end this. He was still eminently horrified by the blonde's lewd behavior during the fellatio, and even more with himself since he became aroused by it.

Naruto's lips did not even spur a chance of parting, before Sasuke claimed them again.

His hands found Sasuke's shoulders, and the blonde's own breathless pants against those thin, insouciant lips were the only sound in the quiescent, borrowed space.

Sasuke, never the one to give a fuck about anyone's feelings, pushed into the blonde, not even caring enough to ease in.

Even though it was nowhere near as arduous as last time (this contraception had its own lubricant), it still fucking hurt. But, determined to salvage some of his pride, he grit his teeth.

"Fucking hell! That hurts, you asshole!" Naruto seethed. "Just make it feel good already, 'ttebayo!"

Grunting in response, a look of hesitance was in those boundless eyes. "Will do, captain." Sasuke mocked.

Naruto then proceeded to ignore the Uchiha. "Come the fuck on, I'm in paaaaainnnnn!" The blue eyed male continued.

Sasuke scowled. "Dobe-"

"C'moonnnn~" Naruto whined, obnoxiously. "Make me come, you bastard! _Please_?"

Sasuke ended up pinching the bridge of his nose to contend against red heat threatening to dust his cheeks. _Does he not comprehend what it is he's asking of me? Oh my fucking god..._

In irritancy, he pushed tanned legs apart to his chest, pulled out slightly before pushing back in as deeply as feasibly possible.

Anything to prevent the vulgar, discomfiting words that spewed from those damned lips of his.

Repeating the movements a few more times, to his immense relief, it sent him gasping and arching off the bed in aphrodisia.

Crying out to his heart's content, Naruto was secretly grateful the thick walls that were built in single dorm rooms, because these shameful fucking noises kept escaping him almost without his control.

"F...ahh...aster...aahh..." Escaped the hazy blonde, his blue gem eyes half-lidded and glazed over with euphoria.

Heeding to the blonde's jean-tightening begging, the raven picked up the pace, using his crony's throat as his own personal canvas.

"Aaahh...ah...aaaah...S...sa..."

_If I didn't know any better, it sounds like he's trying to say my-_

_"_S_...Sasuke_!"

_**Wait...**_

Jaw dropping, Sasuke stilled as the crying out blonde climaxes again. Sasuke does as well, once again, too disturbed to make a sound.

Holy.

Fucking.

_Balls_.

Through wide, unblinking eyes, Sasuke looked down at the panting, throughly ravished younger male.

If that wasn't stupefying enough, plush, swollen lips found his and slim tanned hands find his hair again.

Kissing back, he bit onto the smaller boy's bottom lip, while his hands traveled down the smooth stomach to in between those slim, tanned, trembling thighs, emitting an exhausted moan.

The fair haired male shuddered into the kiss, his companion's long, graceful fingers danced up his thighs, not even completely touching, and already he was getting another boner.

Still not in the right state of mind, or at least, that's what he deluded himself into believing, Naruto parted his lips to pant out. "A...again?"

Breathing just as heavily, Sasuke looked down at his own mini-soldier. "Yeah..." He muttered, before quickly smashing his mouth back on the blonde's.

With moderate movements, the blonde's raspy, hoarse voice emits much more wearisome cries, as Sasuke brings them to climax all over again.

When it was over once again, the blonde imbecile decided to open his mouth.

"So...am I gonna-"

Slapping a tired hand over those alluring, yet infuriating lips, Sasuke scowled. "_No, _you are not going to get pregnant. Now stop _**fucking**_ asking, Usurantonkachi..."

"Oh..." The blonde whispered, embarrassed. "...Teme?"

"...Yes?"

"...You owe me a new shirt..."

Raising an eyebrow, Sasuke flashed the blonde his sullied button-up, that Naruto did not only climax on once, but _**three **_times.

"Ehehehe...touche, dattebayo..."

* * *

_#$%&_

* * *

Exactly fourteen hours passed since his..._affaire_ with the blonde, and his celestial bliss has ended.

He now finds himself in business class.

Fuck.

He _h__ates_ business class...

_"_Uchiha-kun, you are up next." Professor Ibiki asserts.

Rising from his seat, Sasuke collected his mid-term paper and walked over to the front of his classroom.

Hitting the lights, Sasuke then began to read out his assignment on the class projector.

"In today's economy, students with a major in business from an accredited school can be in high demand. Within today's business universities, students can chose from a wide variety of majors ranging form the traditional business and general business to more specialized degrees such as human resources, supply chain logistics and information technology. Modern corporations are complex organizations and seek a wide range of specialists to help them manage operations..."

It is then that Sasuke is being motioned to by one Nara Shikamaru.

The raven scowls.

_Woman stealing, lethargic bastard..._

Shikamaru points to his forehead repeatedly, looking determined to communicate with him.

"What?" Sasuke hisses/mouths to the ponytail adorning boy.

"Your face..." He mouths back.

It is then when Sasuke looks up at himself that he sees bright, glow-in-the-dark marker all over his forehead and cheeks.

_NARU WAS HERE, DATTEBAYO_ was what it read, along with several little fish cake illustrations.

It was those invisible, only seen by UV lights kinds of markers.

Eyes alight with vehemence, Sasuke grits his teeth.

"I am going to _**slaughter**_ that fucking dobe..." He hisses to himself.

* * *

_#$%&_

* * *

"Ahhh, today was a good day, 'ttebayo!" Naruto cheered in jubilance. He stretches his orange clad legs, and grins over to Kiba who stares at his beautiful, angelic crush, Hinata, in a melancholic fashion. "Don't worry, dog-breath, you'll get your chance!"

"No, I won't!" Kiba cried back, dramatically. "And it's all because of _**that **_guy!" He shrieks, pointing over to a man that was currently in deep conversation with the Hyuuga woman. His face was obscured by his waist length, chocolate brown tresses. Kiba then exhales in exasperation as the much taller male brushes his lips against the younger girl's forehead.

Insouciant to the brunette's dramaturgy, Naruto rolls his beryl eyes, and looks over to Gaara, who had for quite some time been looking over at the long haired male a few feet from them as well. "Eh? What's wrong, Gaara, 'ttebayo? Don't tell me you like Hinata-chan too..."

A smile twitched at his pastel pink lips, Gaara shook his head, remaining quiescent, his jade jewel eyes remaining on the stranger's back.

Ino squinted to look. "Hmm, that's a Hebi University bag, isn't it? What's someone from Oto doing in Konoha?"

Sakura pursed her glossy pink lips. "I don't know. Maybe it's a long distance relationship?" She offered.

Ino snorted in response. "As if _that _will last..."

Sakura punched her sweetheart's arm. "Ino! That is so mean to say!"

Kiba perked up. "No, no, that's awesome! Then she'll get tired of him and dump him, and then I'll have my shot! Thanks, Ino!" Grinning, the two exchange high fives and Naruto bursts out laughing at the pout on Sakura's baby face.

Suddenly, the air becomes apoplectic, and Sakura's emerald eyes widen over Naruto's head. "S-Sasuke-kun..." She whispers.

Naruto's laughter is shot to hell, and he haltingly turns to see the looming, cold statue that was the Uchiha.

Ocean yes are wide with alarm. "S-Sasuke-"

His words were cut off as he is grabbed roughly by the front of his shirt, and pulled off the bench. Yelping, he is then dragged away, struggling and spitting profanities by the taciturn Uchiha.

All the while, four pairs of eyes watch astoundingly.

"What do you think happened?" Sakura asked in a hushed whisper.

"I have no idea..." Kiba muttered. "But I have a weird feeling it has to do with markers..."

* * *

_#$%&_

* * *

Once again, Naruto found himself being flung onto Sasuke's bed like a useless trinket.

The blonde opened his mouth to yell at the Uchiha, but shut it once he saw the malignant look the raven haired male's eyes.

Standing over the blue eyed young male, Sasuke suddenly looked a thousand feet tall.

"Naruto..." Sasuke spoke, casually. "I must say, you _really_ shamed me in class today...what do you have to say for yourself?"

Glaring, the blonde was determined to salve his nobility. "You got in the way of me and Karui's love! Consider that payback, you asshole!"

Undoing his button-up, and his belt, Sasuke tilted his head. "Oh?"

Naruto was then shoved back onto the bed, the taciturn Uchiha straddling him.

"If I were you..." The older male maundered against trembling, plush lips. "I'd start making amends now, dobe..."

"Uh..." Naruto stammered, parting his legs absentmindedly. "I'm sorry...?"

An acrid smirk danced onto Sasuke's face. "I will tell you now... this will **_not_** be fun..."

* * *

_#$%&_

* * *

Ayame curled a lock of long, chocolate locks as she walked en route to her new sweetheart's dorm. She had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach as she passed by the sixth floor to the stairs.

"_Gaaaahhh...!" _

Freezing up, Ayame allowed a hand to cover her gasping mouth. Sure, it was usual for men to bring lovers and swains to their dorms, but this one-

"_F...uck...aahh...!" _

_-_Was very vocal.

Ayame's entire face lit up with heat as the sharp cries rang out in the empty hallway.

Dark eyes darting around, she found herself walking more towards the obvious display of satiating eroticism.

Pressing her ear against the door, Ayame let her perverse curiosity get the best of her.

"_S...ahh...Sas...uke, I s-swear-nnn...to god...I'll fuck...ahhn...ing make you pay, goddamn it!" _

The moaned out, danger-less threats brought a giggle to the brunette girl's lips. It was funny how the girl wanted to look tough during intimacy, but crackled under the pleasure like the rest of them.

Smiling deviously, she saluted this 'Sasuke' person, and walked off, making sure to check her nose to ensure she wasn't bleeding profusely.

She could have sworn though, that voice almost sounded familiar...

"Nah..." She rolled her eyes at her own silliness, before heading to Aoi's dorm room, hearing those lewd, sexy cries got her revving to go.

* * *

_#$%&_

* * *

"_I left my home in Georgia...  
Headed for the Frisco Bay...  
Cause I've had nothing to live for,  
And look like nothing's gonna come my way..." _

Sasuke sat, imperturbable as he lit a cigarette, now thoroughly satiated. Having exculpating all of his pent up aggression and affliction of the day on the dobe's body. nothing could possible mar his exalting day.

_Knock, knock_

Pausing off his music, he rose to walk to his front door. No one knocked on his door, so it was blatantly not any of his friends.

Throwing the door open, his eyebrows twitched, bracing himself for an annoying fangirl. "Yeah? Speak your peace or fuck off..."

"Is that any way to speak to your kin? I should turn you over my knee, Otouto..."

Stiffening, Illimitable eyes widened as he took in the much taller, and athletically built mirror image that was his older brother.

"Satan-" Sasuke stammered. "I mean, _Aniki_, what brings you here?"

The raven's reply was a dazzling, panty-dropping smirk that was saved for reporters and brainless women he was about to bed. "Why, can I not come and pop up and sojourn with my _**adorable**_ little brother?"

Scowling, Sasuke wasn't having that. "How about said **_adorable _**little brother tell you to state your purpose or go and fuck off to the Himalayas or hell, or something... preferably hell... I seem to favor that option."

Looking over his nails, the enticing, always alluring long haired Uchiha's smirk widened. His crimson eyes glittered with mischief and it was then Sasuke braced himself for harassment, whether it was mental, sexual, or both.

"I am austere about turning you over my knee... And unless you are into public liaisons, I would suggest you change your tone, **Sasuke**..." As he spoke, his blood pigmented eyes sparkled with sadistic glee.

Sighing, he chose to have mannerisms, not because Itachi was older and deserved to be treated with respect, but because he was in fact, sick enough to sexually violate him in front of his friends. And the entire world for that matter.

"Darling aniki, smart, wonderful, handsome aniki... what brings you to grace your wondrous presence in my unworthy one?" He grumped, a sardonic smile on his face.

Scarlet eyes narrowed. "That is befitting, I suppose. Alas, dear otouto, I heard the news of you being promptly dumped and I am here to compel you to _not _decide to end your piteous life just because the love of your existence has thrown you away."

Fighting off the urge to throttle his elder kin, Sasuke snorted instead. "How..._thoughtful _of you..."

An immaculately sculpted eyebrow then rose and the malignant smirk returned. "So, tell me, otouto... what have you been doing to dispel your... _urgency t_o be intimate...?"

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke murmured inaudibly to himself. _You'd love the thought of me jacking off, wouldn't you, you sick bastard..._

Shifting, Itachi tilts his head, suddenly perking. "Quickly, dress yourself. We are going to dine... at a place of our _caliber_, of course."

Pursing his lips, Sasuke nods. "Are you paying?"

That damned fatuous smirk again. "Are you willing to re-compensate in sexual favors?"

Sasuke glared. "Fuck off-"

_"Sasuke, you son of a fucking bitch, 'ttebayo!"_

Stiffening, the brothers watch as the back door is thrown open, one in disenchanting, pure horror, and one in curiosity, as the little blonde barges in, soaked to the bone, and only a scantily measured towel hanging low on his hips.

Naruto, far too livid to think properly, points at the startled raven and glowers in iration. "Do you know that I had to fucking _limp _to class, you prick?! My fucking pelvis is killing me, and it's **_your_** fault for being so rough-"

Celestial eyes widen in horror.

Insouciant eyes flash with perplexity and _something._

"I swear to god, teme, next time, _I'm_ on top-"

Oh, _fuck_ _no_.

With an almost herculean speed, Sasuke scraped up all of his power into his right arm and hurled his philosophy textbook at the clamoring blonde.

It hit the younger male square in the forehead, and in shock and pain, the little fair haired teen squawked before crashing to the ground.

Heaving angrily, Sasuke almost dreaded looking back into those carmine, bastardous eyes of Itachi's.

Despite successfully shutting the younger boy up, an all knowing smirk danced upon his older brother's flawless features.

Claret eyes flickered to the injured blonde. "Hello again, Naruto-kun. It has been a while, has it not? Say, Sasuke-chan and I were en route to dine... would you like to join us?"

"O...okay..." The blonde whimpered from cradling his forehead.

A sensuous, secretive smile met Itachi's face. "I'll leave you two to... _discuss your differences..._"

With that, the tallest male turned curtly, and closing the door, but not before taking hold of his younger brother's wrist.

"Oh, and otouto?"

Sasuke frowned at the tone. "...Yeah?"

The smile returned. "...It's about time..."

Sasuke stared at the retreating back, before his jaw tensed with vehemence.

Naruto never had a chance to get up, because as soon as the door closed, Sasuke's size 13 boots were crashing on his stomach.

"You. have. the. biggest. _**mouth**_!" The Uchiha hisses out with each kick. "Did you even look around to see who else was here before you started your fucking palaver?!"

"Bastard!" The blonde yelped. "You just hate me cause I'm black!"

Rolling his eyes at the dobe's overused movie quote, he removed his foot from the blonde's stomach. "Oh, please. You're barely even brown, besides, that movie was overrated and not to mention tasteless..." He maundered, offering out a hand for the fair haired halfwit to take.

"Hater!" Naruto gasped. "Kiba and I love that movie!"

"You both would..." Came the uttered response. "Might as well get dressed, dobe, and fast... I'm not into being sexually humiliated in public because I took to long to get ready...

Blinking at the embittered, whispered words, Naruto looked over at the piqued Uchiha. "What did you say, teme?"

Shaking his head, the lethargic raven sighed. "...Nothing. Nothing at all..."

As the blonde dressed, Sasuke tried to entertain himself, and tried not to think of the very exposed, very vulnerable tanned skin his tongue and hands ran all over less than a day ago.

Freezing up, Sasuke then remembered his kin's words...

"Wait..." Sasuke murmured, perplexed.

_What did Itachi mean by 'It's about time...'?_

He couldn't possibly mean...

Looking over, he then snorted as the dobe tripped over his own feet and fell ungracefully onto the floor.

Shaking his head, his lips thinned.

Nah.

No way in fucking hell...

**_...Right?_**

* * *

___#$%&_

* * *

_**AN**_: Aaaaaaannnnnndddddd, done! Well, did you like it? Yes? No? Maybe so? :P

Well, until the boner-rific lemon scene, I absolutely hated this chapter. However, everything had to happen accordingly.

_**Sasuke's Chapter**** Playlist**_: Man, that boy loves music XD

Stepping Stone/Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix (12 Minute Version)

Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles

Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson

Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin

Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay by Otis Redding

If anyone has some 50's jazz/60's rock/70's metal songs to offer for Sasu to bump to, feel free to tell me!

Oh, and did anyone like the slight Uchiha-cest in this fic? I did *drool*, however ItaSasu is not a main pairing, so sorry 'Cest fans.

Oh, and to answer your reviewer questions:

One reviewer asks: '_Why didn't Sasuke, you know, prepare Naruto?' _

_a. Well, you see, dear. Sasuke is a dumb-ass who thinks he knows everything, if he would have continued to read the manga and not stopped after the fellatio scene, he would have known never to go in "that hole" without some form of lubricant, which was why Naru was in so much pain. Luckily, I made his pain laughable. _

The same reviewer asks: _'I've never heard of Aoi (Ayame's boyfriend) Is he an O.C?' _

_a. No. I don't believe in using O.C's, there are __**waaaaaayyyy too** many characters in the Naruto series to waste brain cells trying to create an O.C. Aoi Rokusho is the missing nin from Naruto part I, he wields the sword of the gods, and humiliates Sasuke by beating the shit out of him, furthering the want to go seek out Orochimaru. _

_Karui is also an actual character. She is the nin from Kumo that fights in the war in Shippuden. Sure I could have used a more relevant female character, but i dunno, there's something about red haired anime characters that I just adore 3_

_**Reviewer Question**_: Since this is a ROMANCE/Humor fan, and love will eventually unfold, who do you think will be the first to fall, Sasuke, or Naruto? And if you can, explain why you think think person will fall first.

P.S.: _**Something is wrong with **_**_Temari. Can_** you guess what it is? If you guess right, you get Itachi wrapped up in ribbons covered in whipped cream! Now I _know_ you want that! XD

Anyways, reviewwwww. Because if no one does, this shit's getting canned!

See you next time! (Or maybe not, it's up to the reviews...)

Ja Ne!

_-SicklePickle_


	3. Third Go

AN : Hello, hello, hello, minna! I return with the third installment of Friends With Benefits!

Must I say, holy balls, fifty + reviews for only two chapters? Mind=blown. I would like to thank all of you for your reviews, and I'm glad to see I have absolutely zero flamers on this fic so far. Which is good, coz I'm a few french fries short of a happy meal, and I don't react well to criticism...so a flame comment would be painful... **for that person.** Lol, just kidding. I couldn't be crazy or dangerous even if I tried.

**Disclaimer**: Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto, not me. I cannot stress this enough.

**Rating** : M

**Warnings**: Contains strong language, awkward sex, humor, Sasuke being a prick, sex, dry humor, awkward budding romance, sex, more humor, and even more sex. Fugaku being a prejudiced idiot, etc.

**Friends With Benefits~***

**Summary** : Romantically retarded Sasuke and Naruto both realized that sex without emotions involved was the perfect way to not deal with with the stress of dating. So they are now both determined to accomplish this... with each other. SasuNaru. AU. Humor.

**Chapter Warning: **Contains yaoi lemons, shoujou-ai, some het, no **Uchiha'cest **this chapter, (Sorry 'Cest fans!), strong language, dense, jealous Naruto, scheming Itachi, conservative Fugaku, y'know, the usual...

And some Angsty!Sasuke. Which is extremely cannon, because we all know that actual Sasuke is immensely emo.

Oh, and enter a **new **romantic interest! He was mentioned briefly in the last chapter. Oh, Naru, I hope you figure out your feelings soon!

And for the ones who didn't get what was wrong with Temari, you'll find out in this chapter!

And for the one reviewer that wanted Sasuke to speak French, I wrote the beginning part for YOU! :D

* * *

**Song Listening Inspiration For Sasuke and Shikamaru **: "Heartbreaker" By Metronomy

_"I heard she broke your heart again,  
So now you're gonna come and see me,  
We're back to the start again,  
When's she gonna set me free?  
_

_I've been there time and time again,  
The girl's no good for me and you,  
She hurts me too...  
_

_Well now, that girl may have friends in the business,  
__And great qualities that I have yet to see,  
But in my eyes, she's done us wrong,  
Enough times for you to side with me..._

_I heard she broke your heart again,_  
_I heard she broke your heart,_  
_Well, that girl's a heartbreaker..."_

* * *

**Not Beta'd** : Ignore the grammatical errors, please!

* * *

**Third Go**: Of French, Parties, And Jealous Dobes...

* * *

#$%&

* * *

"-So, then, y'now, I tell her that and wham!, she just smacks the living hell out of me for no reason, 'ttebayo!"

**Input Sasuke facepalm.**

"Dobe." Sasuke starts off, imperturbably as usual. "You do **not** just tell a woman she's gained weight and then have the nerve to be nonplussed when you are suddenly struck. I made that mistake with my mother once. It was the first time a woman's ever flexed nuts and I actually felt something akin to fear. I honestly do not feel sorry for you."

"Prick!" Naruto then hisses, his beryl eyes alight next to the red welt on his cheek. "I was just telling the truth! I thought girls liked honest guys!"

"You have a lot to learn, nakama..." Sasuke maunders, shaking his spiked head in reply. Looking around, his isn't surprised when he notices his elder kin darted off somewhere, and ditched him and the dobe.

Washroom my ass, The raven snorts to himself. I saw that dark haired waitress following you to the back room...fucker.

The dark haired male is then ripped from his cognitions once the blonde sitting across from him emits an obnoxious squeal/squawking sound. "Holy fuck! It's Karui! The girl from before! How do I look? Are my clothes okay?" He clamors and stares ahead over his counterpart's shoulder. "I'm gonna go, like, get her number again. Promise you won't fuck me over this time, alright, teme? Or I'll kick your ass real good, dattebayo!" Despite spewing blatantly baseless threats, the Uchiha finds himself nodding in affirmative.

"As you wish, Sergeant Dipshit..." Sasuke drawled, saluting the now standing male with his middle finger.

The piteously eager blonde almost skipped to the dark skinned woman, who then immediately noticed him due to his eye-blindingly bold attire.

Sighing in displeasure, the raven pulled out his cellular and places both earbuds into his ears. If he was going to have to wait on the blonde as he gushed and fawned over anything with tits, he was going to do it with some entertainment.

_"There's no point in asking_  
_You'll get no reply_  
_Oh just remember, don't decide_  
_I got no reason, it's all too much_  
_You'll always find us_  
_Out to lunch_

_Oh we're so pretty_  
_Oh so pretty_  
_We're vacant..."_

Damn near sagging against the seat, the abyss-eyed male smiled to himself. To the Uchiha, music was the equivalent to sex.

However, a sudden tense feeling left him ineffectual of tranquil.

He immediately knew the feeling.

Watchful eyes were greedily pinned onto him.

Straightening, he then sighted the unblinking ones.

Acute.

Sharp.

Pigment-less, silver eyes.

He had seen this subdivision of eyes before, on Itachi, on his father, on himself when he looked deeply at his own reflection.

Discounting the discomfiting feel, Sasuke drove his apprehensive body to relax.

It's just another stalker... You have **alot** of those... Those vultures are terribly akin to the boogeyman...If you don't believe in them, they'll go away-

The chanted, conjured mantra immediately ceased once Sasuke's left earbud decided to commit seppuku and caper itself from the Uchiha's ear canal.

Distractedly, still with closed eyes, lithe, long, ivory fingers sightlessly danced amongst the air.

It was when they collided softly with dulcet, warm appendages that were not his own, had sent Sasuke jolting. Jolting in an awfully recognizable feeling that sizzled throughout his being. He'd felt this before once, it was when his now ex swain had allowed him the amenity of finally getting intimate with her eight fucking months into the relationship. He thought this feeling died and would never revive itself, especially considering it was a random being at his university cafe.

Boundless eyes snapped open, his nose was then bombarded with a gratifying scent of cinnamon, and his eyes finally sighted his left earbud. There it was, chilling in someone else's ear.

Ignoring the betrayal of the inanimate object he thought was his friend, Sasuke gaped, rather uncharacteristically as the silver eyed enigma he was forestalling from seeing, currently stood next to the sitting Uchiha, the mysterious peach lips pursing up in thought and something.

Neither dark haired male moved an inch until the long haired conundrum spoke, in an enchanting, vexatious tone of torched, melted gold.

"The Sex Pistols, eh? How... tasteless..."

The once felicitated, sitting male now froze up.

Did this fucking wannabe Paul Varjak just diss his musical preferences?

Even when melanoid, taken aback eyes met impish, tincture-less ones, the egotistical smirk never fell from the other's magnetic, winsome features.

A shift in the atmosphere seemed to cause the almost slow-mo scene to crumble and Sasuke had to look down at his table in growing horror.

Their hands were still connected.

In an awkward sort of interlocutor, but linked in dualism nonetheless.

The smirk widens, and Sasuke finds his bottom lip quivering in anticipation. For what? He did not know.

And like that, the mischievous looking male removes his hand (oh so painstakingly, nail-bitingly slow) and turns curtly before sauntering off.

Before he finds the exit, however, he looks back at the voice-less, seething raven, his aura and smile beckoning and come hitherance eminent.

Everything within Sasuke's herculean being shrieked what the fuck are you doing?! Alas, his body did not respond to his cognitions, and with one fleeting glance in his blonde crony's direction, he rose, following the stranger out of the door.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

Overcast eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"

Impassive silver did not budge at the tone. "I did not stutter, Sasuke-san. I simply refuse to believe 'It's Almost Like Being In Love' is the greatest singer-orchestra duet song of all time."

Sasuke wasn't having that. "Frank Sinatra and Count Basie paved the way for jazz. It would be shit without them. So why isn't it the greatest singer-orchestra duet song of all time?" He countered.

Hyuuga Neji, Sasuke found his name to be, twenty three year old Law student at Hebi University, was... disgruntling to say the least.

The duo shared the same tastes in classic literature, Japanese art and history, both bumped to American oldies and jazz and even purchased their costly, tailored clothing from the same designers in Milan.

Unfortunately, they also shared the same blunt, bastardy personality, which made it increasingly difficult to get on for very long.

Sasuke continued. "And what is this I hear about you believing that Jimi Hendrix-sama wasn't the number one icon of the '60s?"

Neji snorted gracefully in rebuttal. "I do not. Simply stating, there were much immensely talented individuals to be encrusted with the title of 'Icon'. Frankly speaking, I believe someone else deserves that title."

"Yeah? Who?" Came the grunted response.

A beat. "Etta James."

Sasuke then scoffs in disbelief. "Yeah fucking right, she was a fucking nutjob. A fucking loony with a fetish for acting startlingly uncouth at public restaurants. You might as well just give the title to Chris Connor."

"As if. Her last two albums were mundane at best. Sarah Vaughan deserves it."

"Kyoudai, please. She couldn't sing her way out of a paper bag compared to Dean Martin-"

"He is far too overrated for my liking. Sam Cook-"

"**What**? But Otis Redding-"

"Has absolutely nothing on Nat King Cole-"

By now, apoplexy filled the air and both were breathing hard, persevered to contend and bulwark their favorite artists to the death.

An easy smile of veneration met the older male's face, his eyes sparkling with something that looked a little like Ino's whenever Sakura would feed her with the pinkette's own chopsticks. "You have tastes of absolute reverence, dearest Sasuke-san."

The tone was glittered with enough coquetry to fill the Grand Canyon, however it was only dwindled down to an ego boost by the unaware raven haired male.

Unconsciously, the Uchiha haltingly fluttered his lashes. "I try." He smirks.

"But, I must confess..." Neji started, a philologist expression twisted into his features. "I did not expect any form of intellect to escape those lovely lips of yours... you've truly surprised me..."

The smirk slipped off.

"Excuse me?" Sasuke forced out, his illimitable eyes narrowing.

Neji did not sense the danger, and spoke without uncertainty. "Surely, you are not offended by my words..."

The younger male grit his teeth at the egotistical tone.

"Surely, you can suck my-"

"Sasukeeeeeee!"

Suddenly wincing in displeasure, he turns to see a ball of blonde, scarlet red, brown and pink inching towards him, and Sasuke fixes the now annoyed older male with a scorchingly crisp 'We shall settle this later' glower.

Naruto's face twisted up. "How dare you leave me, you bastard! You were supposed to be my wing man! I should totally kick your ass for tha-"

Ceasing his usually infinitesimal blabber, his ocean eyes take in the twin expressions of provocation. Sasuke sat at the chess table across from some guy with long hair and a pissed off look.

It was then when Naruto's eyes took in the deficient of space from the pair's legs and watching the brunette's fingertips twitch closer and closer to the raven's, that his stomach started to bubble with discomfort. For some strange reason, the blonde wanted-no, **needed **to get in between the two and escutcheon the Uchiha from those predatory eyes.

The small glances sent to the scowling, oblivious raven from the other sent the blue eyed teen on edge, his hands forming to fists at his side and his legs bouncing with now disposable, antsy zing.

Sakura was the first to blink slowly and speak up. "Oh! Um, you're the guy that was with Hinata-chan."

Kiba's glare did not go unheeded. "Yeah, so when are you guys breaking up-oof!" His sentence hung in the air once Sakura's tiny, leathal fist found his abdomen.

Being the bubbly, affable blonde he was, Naruto extended a hand, half to get the guy to stand the fuck up and get away from Sasuke, while the other half to extract information as to how and why he snatched up his best friend from under his nose. "Hi, new guy! My name's Naruto, 'ttebayo, and this here is Ino, Gaara, Kiba and Sakura-chan-"

"Yes, that's nice." Neji dismisses them with fatuous ease, and a wave of the hand, while Sasuke fights off a smirk when their jubilation splinters into dispirit.

For some disparate reason, it appeared as though Gaara was the most affected by the over-sighted, clipped words.

Not caring to be polite, The long haired male turned back to Sasuke. His enchanting smile returns, only for him. "I am much more interested in speaking with and learning about you, Sasuke-san. If I may join your circle at the moment, that is."

Sasuke shrugs, and the group placed themselves on the benches. The raven then pulls out his handy dandy cigarettes, but before he could perform such a usually simple task such as lighting it, something hovers over him.

And that something comes in the form of a blonde ponytail and big tits.

She places her hands on her wide hips, a soft, friendly smile on her lips that the Uchiha once begrudgingly fell for. "Je suis ici pour aider avec votre Français." She starts.

Sasuke is not impressed, and merely raises a brow. "Vraiment?"

She stares back, her royal blue eyes unflinching. "Vraiment. Maintenant je vous demanderai quelques questions. K?"

Uninterested eyes again. "Demander loin, l'amant de muffin..."

Her smile twitches in ill disguised vehemence. "Essayez-vous exprès ma patience?"

An acrid smile dances upon Sasuke's face. "De ne pas couler, le chéri..." He purred.

Instantly, she perks up again. "Je suis Ino. Quel est votre nom?"

When she reaches out her hand for him to take, he decides to be a prick. Lifting his hand, he drags his tongue deep across his palm, and shaking the blonde's delicate hand with only two un-salivated fingers. "Sasuke." He answers with ease. "Agréable pour vous rencontrer, ou quoi que..."

Ino seems satisfied. "N'importe quoi que vous aimeriez ajouter avant que nous arrêtons?"

Grinning, the Uchiha speaks. "Ouais... les seins agréables..."

Chuckling as the blonde girl huffs and stomps away, a sheepish Sakura in tow, Sasuke is now free to set his fag alight.

By now, Neji was giving him shameless bedroom eyes.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

"When is this godforsaken coffee going to kick in...?" Sasuke grumbled in despondency. "I put like, seven sugars up in that bitch..." Rolling his shoulders in dissatisfaction, he shifts all of his head's weight onto his open palm, trying, but failing hard to pay heed to the droning words printed on the overly costly textbook.

_"No reason to get excited,_  
_The thief, he kindly spoke,_  
_There are many here among us,_  
_Who feel that life is but a joke..._

_But you and I, we've been through that,_  
_And this is not our fate,_  
_So let us not talk falsely now,_  
_The hour is getting late..."_

Yes, it was true. Mathematics did, in fact suck major horse balls.

However, that was not the reason for the Uchiha's perplexed, oh-so con-fuzzled mind. And despite how grudgingly it was, he had to admit that he'd been neglecting his health lately. He hadn't had a decent meal in weeks, only binging on E-ma candy, coffee that was muddled in sugar, and Neuro drinks. (1) He had also began dedicating his life to scrubbing every iota of dirt from his dorm room, an offending bacteria couldn't even copulate without Sasuke being on its ass like white on rice, wielding a bleaching spray and sponge much like his ancestors with swords during the Meiji restoration.

The only thing that came out of this entire holed-up, hermit affaire was a sparkling, antiseptic dormitory, jittery hands and a brand new 'heroin chic' appearance. (2)

He did not like the way things were going, he decided, but what could he do?

Neji, the frustratingly mysterious prick he was, with his smoky silver eyes, and cryptic wordings, decided he and Sasuke were the next fucking Jeeves and Wooster, and hadn't left his side since. He had not seen Temari in three weeks, not counting the time he told her to shove a beautifully crafted bouquet of barbed wire, deep up where his cock used to nestle itself in every night.

And on top of that, Naruto had began "seeing" the Kumo woman, and the blonde's time was now either spent in one-sided colloquy (palaver) with Sasuke about her, popping up whenever the Hyuuga would make his (undesired) arrival, and finally, on his back for the Uchiha.

That was another reason for his cluttered brain, as their physicality-only concord deepened, all awkwardness had eventually concluded, and what began with just that ascended into longer, lingering touches, mouth over heartbeat, and lips pressing soft against annoying, moaning ones.

Scratching at his head, Sasuke decided that he would not get anything done in this disconcerting condition, and decided he would rise, call Neji and ask-no, **demand **the Hyuuga accompany him to the music store and then proceed to pounce on the long haired male, and force him to listen to 'It's My Life' by the Animals on ear-splitting repeat until he learned to like it.

_"Woohoo!_  
_When I feel heavy metal! Woohoo!_  
_And I'm pins and I'm needles! Woohoo!_  
_Well, I lie and I'm easy,_  
_All of the time but I'm never sure why I need you,_  
_Pleased to meet you!"_

Distractedly, Sasuke pulled out his trusty cellular, slid the affirmation arrow, and pressed his ear to the device, all the while not looking at the name on the screen. Had he have saw sense, he would have swerved the growingly dangersome aura emitting from his electromechanical buddy. However, lack of proper food, exercise and personable interactions with human beings had taken a toll on him, and his ability to forestall when shit just got real.

"Sasuke." A gruff voice speaks into his ear canal.

Stiffening, and fighting down the expendable urge to suck his teeth, stomp his feet, or throw a tantrum, the Uchiha tranquiled his beating heart and spoke with practiced nonchalance. "Father..."

"...How are you today?"

Dying, Sasuke snapped to himself, in wandering introspect. I think I've lost six kg, your business rival's son is my homeboy, and I'm also fucking my childhood best friend that you can't stand into my mattress every night. Oh, have I mentioned I've become OCD?

"Fine." Was all he said.

Clearing his throat, Uchiha Fugaku, Sasuke's ball-busting, youth-detesting, no-fucking-nonsense having battleaxe of a father, then decided to use his pseudo-affectionate greeting and wonderment of Sasuke's life and day, to reveal his too true intentions.

"It seems your... brother has arrived at your campus..."

From the dark, straining enmity of the tone, it seemed like it was still hard for Fugaku to consider Itachi his son, even after all of these years.

"So, he has..." Sasuke drawled, though on the inside he would rather snatch out all of his teeth with a rusted spoon than continue this piteous subdivision of conversation.

Since the raven was young, Itachi had always been the 'golden boy', the one who could never do wrong. He was errorless in everything he did, even graduated from Hebi University at the age of seventeen with an accelerated master's degree...

...In Law.

To say it pissed off Fugaku was a flamboyant understatement. The robustly built, graying man made sure from the age of the fetus that Sasuke and Itachi were never to pursue law, and drilled it in their minds that the vehemence felt for that particular academic, studying program was severely justified. Apparently, it all stemmed from one Hyuuga twins.

The duo were, still to this day, one of the richest, most hard-hitting, in demand lawyers this side of Japan had ever seen, and sent a sizable amount of Fugaku's crooked, business cronies to the joint.

So, when Itachi decided he wanted to become the Holden fucking Caufield of the Uchiha family by pursuing law against his father's wishes, then fucking off to marry his law school kohai at the age of eighteen, then knock her up, he was nothing more than the murderer of Furuta Junko in his pro-creator's eyes. (3)

Even so, his father's watchful eyes of reverence was cast upon the littlest Uchiha, who was fortunate enough to become interested in business.

Just not the 'business' aspect of business.

Marketing and the study of languages were all Sasuke could think about, even as a child, and it wasn't law, so Fugaku begrudgingly learned to accept it. However, twelve year old Sasuke morphed into twenty year old Sasuke, and he expected his bull-headed, dumbass "sperm-bank" that was lucky enough to snag a cavity-causing, courteous sweetheart like his mother for so many decades, to snap out of it and accept his eldest offspring back into his life.

That hope, was however, damned to hell, once Itachi joined the Hyuuga & Hyuuga law firm.

It was as if Itachi had a fucking death wish. That, or he just wanted Sasuke to forever be trapped within the infinitesimal catch-22 of the Uchiha family's dramatics for the rest of his days.

But enough of that, he hadn't used his brain properly in almost a month, and he didn't want to fuck it up further by tainting it with cognitions of his father.

Yuck. He'd rather conjure up thoughts of Kiba in a leopard speedo.

"-rrible business with those Sunagakure fools of course, I never did like those pale, halfwit larks. Sometimes I think to myself why I even associate with those peons that are so unbefitting of my time. I try to be charitable to those miserable, Sunese codswallop, and all I get is incompetence from them in return."

Sasuke finds a scowl tight upon his face. Another reason why he would rather chop off his balls than co-habituate with his father for more than a minute, was his illiberal, ignorant racism for everyone that wasn't Konese or Japanese. (4) Sasuke loved language, and other countries, especially Suna, which was a little next to Egypt. Subakuno Gaara already received shit for being Konese/Sunese mixed already, and didn't need it added onto the muddled criticism placed upon his thin shoulders.

The same with Temari, though her Sunese looks were forcibly toned down and she did not have the eye-blindingly carmine hair, or at least not anymore, since she dyed it when she was young to avoid any more negativity from those around her. His father appreciated her apparent self-hatred for her initial appearance, and her natural red hair, and did not look down on Sasuke for dating her, just only for being amiable with Gaara.

Sasuke was, in fact, damned skippy that the Sunese workers his father had were impeccable at what they did, they were most likely completely innocent, yet looked down on by their pale skin or their red hair.

God. It was like Tom Robinson all over again. (5)

"-Not to interrupt." Sasuke maundered, suddenly, actually meaning to interrupt. He knew what would be said about he couldn't stand the Subakunos or the Hyuugas if he let his father continue, so he saw to shut him the fuck up, and continue on his day. "But classes are about to betide. I shall call you later, father."

More like, cut off this sim card's service, destroy this fucking cellular, and then create a stealth-phone. (6) Sasuke snorted to himself.

Fugaku's insular clamor splintered down, much to Sasuke's blithe. "...Right. Well, I shall expect this call back later then, son. Have a nice day."

Die in a fire, you short-sighted bigot..."You too, father. Goodbye now..."

Hanging up as mercurial as he could fease, the young Uchiha then proceeded to dial his crony's number, and pressed the device, once again to his ear.

It didn't even ring once, before the silky, exacerbating voice answers. "Sasuke-san... to what do I owe this-"

"We're going to the music store, Hyuuga." Sasuke asserts, discounting the older male's devoir.

Although they both know that the silver eyed brunette automatically agrees, he decides to make matters difficult for the blatantly displeased raven.

The smirk in his voice was so obvious, the dark eyed male was sure he could feel it. "Now why would I abscond from the solace of my home, to attend-"

"Because." Sasuke cuts it, the pressure he applies on his teeth is enough to to wilt to dust down his throat. "When you woke me up at** four in the morning **during finals week last month, to accompany you to an art dealer to purchase that Barbara Hepworth sculpture you just had to have, I did not complain."

With a haughty, drawn out sigh, Neji agrees. "Fine. I shall be here within the hour-"

"You have twenty minutes."

Sucking in a scornful breath, Neji replies, defeated. "Alright, alright. Someone's obviously in dismay that their Rolling Stones and Temptations CDs have not yet come in the mail..."

How'd he know? "Neji, I swear to God-" Sasuke growled.

A supercilious laugh met his ears. "You've finally asseverated my given name. It sounds awfully beautiful being spoken from your lips..."

"Just fucking hurry up and get here, you imperious prick..." The raven groaned. "And bring that Mediterranean dish from Istanbul that you brought me from before. I'm beginning to be able to count my ribs, and I can't run from my my obsessive "fan-girls" as fast as I used to anymore..."

"As you wish, el meu amor..." (6) He purrs in rebuttal.

"You're fucking **lucky **I don't know Catalan yet, you son of a-" Before Sasuke can finish, he is met with the dial tone.

"Motherfuck..." He whispers, darkly.

Irksome was not even the word to express that man. Goddamn it, he didn't even know if the dobe even pissed him off this much, though, considering he barely ever saw the ditzy blonde unless he magically popped up whenever the Hyuuga was near, he was beginning to think the Oscar for most vexatious went to the Law student.

Sighing, Sasuke gathered his things to walk to the recreational center of the univerity, awaiting his tribulating doom.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

"This looks like an awesome spot, 'ttebayo! Ne, Karui-chan?" Naruto hollers, even though Karui is right next to him. She flinches at the suddenness of the volume, but does not show any signs of annoyance.

_Odd._

He was expected a punch in the gut or to be verbally abused, but received a pretty smile instead.

Which was exceedingly queer. Whenever he yelled next to Sasuke, the raven haired boy would always-

"Fuck, I'm doing it again! I _really _need to stop doing that!" He bellows, and Karui cringes full out now.

She is disregarded, however and Naruto breaks off their hand-linkage to tangle it in his wild nest of fair tresses.

If the raven haired male wasn't on his mind before, he certainly was now! What the fuck was going on? What used to make up his mind was forty percent girls and sixty percent ramen, now all it consisted of was a hundred percent ivory skin and abyss eyes.

Sure, their friendship had taken a beating in the last month, the blue eyed boy was admitting that. And despite what Ino and Sakura said about their female intuition-blah-blah-blah, it had nothing to do with his beautiful, awe-inspiring "girlfriend", (He hadn't really asked her to be his girlfriend, he just assumed they were dating), like they said, but that stupid prick with the long, girly hair and even stupider (if that was a word) eyes was trying (and succeeding) to steal his best friend away.

And hell no if Naruto didn't put in a decade and some change years with **his **teme, just to have some ballerina guy with stupid fancy clothes take his place.

As if on fate's queue, Sasuke appears ten feet from him, his long legs taking him probably to the library.

Nerd.

Naruto felt it was his duty as the Uchiha's best mate, to call him over and invite the obviously bored teme over to eat lunch with him and Karui.

The blonde's intentions however, were gutted with a rusted hatchet once he saw the tall male make his way to someone.

Someone with long brown hair.

**Input Naruto scowl.**

"-SON OF A FUCKING BITCH, DATTEBAYO!"

"Eh? Naru, what's wrong?" The redhead blinks, as the bronze pigmented male suddenly releases a cry of frustration, and digs angrily in his pocket to pull out his phone and stab at the cellular device's keys like he intended to kill.

Naruto does not answer, and instead texts the unaware male, his hands so shaky with sudden rage that he has to backspace a handful of times.

oi sasu! wat r u up 2? not masturbating i hope lol

He then watches as the male goes in his pocket to turn to answer his phone, the long haired asshole asks who Sasuke's texting-

As if that's your fucking business, you white eyed bastard!

-And Sasuke mouths the blonde's name, with a roll of the eyes.

So, it's like that, teme?

But a diminutive smile finds the cotton pink lips.

And like that, all anger leaves his body, and his mind is left cluttered and floundered and in complete disarray.

His hazy eyes flutter quick once the vibration of his phone brings him out of the temporary mental obscurity.

Chilling like a villain, dobe. And would it kill you to text in actual grammar for once in your life?

A dopey grin spreads on his whiskered face, but it is short lived when green, autumn leaves decide to free-fall and spiral down onto Sasuke's head.

Judging by the sudden smirk, and roguish eyes narrow, and glitter with something, Naruto knows to expect the brunette to do something devilish.

Stepping forward, the prick then has the balls to lean down slightly, and brush the pretty things out of the dark locks, all the while inching closer to the Uchiha's face. Sasuke's expression remains neutral, but it's enough for the scene to steal all the breath out of the fervent blonde's body.

It feels as though an industrial sized weight had been dropped into his stomach, because suddenly it feels tight, and his breathing is becoming labored, and it hurts. It hurts so much and all he can think of is that only he's allowed to touch Sasuke's hair, and no one else.

"K-Karui..." Naruto manages to stammer out, those his eyes don't even trace over to her. "I-I have to go...!"

She stares, startled. "What? But, Naru, what about our picnic-"

But the flash of blonde was already sprinting off. "I'll make it up to you, like, totally! Bye!"

When the ocean eyed teen finally made it to the two, he's bent over and heaving like he just rounded the earth in thirty minutes.

God, I'm getting out of shape, 'ttebayo...

He fixes himself up, though when frigid, diamond eyes are cast upon him.

Before he realized what he's done, the blonde has already launched himself into the raven's arms. "Teme!" He gushes. "It's been a while! Seriously, like, what are the chances that we'd run into eachother-yeah, hey, Neji-like this? Such a small world!"

Sasuke stares down at the grinning, fair haired ball of zeal in his arms, and raises a brow. "We saw each-other yesterday, dobe..."

Resisting the urge to punch himself in the face, Naruto recovers from his gargantuan mistake after a beat. "Yeah, but, eighteen hours is far too long for me to go without seeing my favorite teme in the whole wide world!" If possible, his smile has split his face in two.

Sasuke is not convinced, and voices his apprehension to the beryl eyed male's strange behavior.

"Dobe...? Are you okay-"

"**Awesome**." He stresses through grit teeth, almost ready to burst into tears from the sudden ascending of the dark haired male's stature compared to his. "So, where are **we **heading to, dattebayo?" Naruto could not have drawn out the word more even if it was spray painted on the walls.

Neji's eyes sharply sizzle at the back of his head, but soon accepts defeat. "The musical store..." He huffs. "However, I doubt someone of your kind would appreciate-"

"Well, off we go then!" Naruto cheers, cutting off the pompous male, and resisting the urge to toss his little frame against the other's and proceed to show him exactly what kind of person he was. He links his arm with Sasuke's, and the Uchiha is so used to the overly touchy nature, that the increasing touches between the two does not bother him anymore.

Inwardly, he smirks.

Take that, asswipe! I'm holding on to Sasuke forever, and you can't fucking have hi-

**Wait.**

Something was wrong here...

When did I have to always have Sasuke's attention...?

He's got other friends... He's got Karin, and Juugo, and Suigetsu...

So, why should it matter...?

It's probably just coz' Neji's a prick...

"Yeah, that's totally it..." He mumbles to himself.

It was just because he didn't like Neji.

But why didn't he like Neji, was the question...

Did it really even matter? The Hyuuga was a total asshole to him in the beginning, **and he was totally hanging all over Sasuke! **

And Sasuke doesn't even like guys, and will never like guys, at all, ever.

He and Temari will settle their differences, then will shack up again, and get married and have little bastard babies...

Yeah...

But for some immensely queer reason, the thought of Sasuke with anyone but him made him feel empty inside...

* * *

#$%&

* * *

Sighing into her black, sugarless coffee, Temari glowered at her reflection.

She couldn't drink it. It reminded her far too much of her soul, and hopes, and dreams.

_Hún er smá, hyr á brá,_  
_horfid á - sú er kná!_  
_Allir thrá ad sjá thegar hún tekur rúmbuna._  
_Hún dansar thá Kata,_  
_Med ljó lokka, lífsglöd, hún hefur yndisthokka._  
_Hún kann svo vel ad rokka rokk..._

Her elephantine sized mug filled with the nectar of the Gods went cold, and neglected and her stone-cut eyes watched the graceful, sauntering silhouette inch closer and closer to her. He takes a seat across from her. Why he chose the cafe that is right across the street from Konoha Uni, she had no idea. Though, she was convinced it was purposeful for him, and damaging to her.

Uchiha Itachi fixes her that captivating smirk again, and though it sends pleasant shivers down her back, she fell for one Uchiha once before, and would not dare become enchanted with the crazy one of the family.

"How's your wife?" She asks, condescendingly.

He swerves her tone with ease. "Still as beautiful as always. I just wish she would just get rid of that god awful blue hair of hers and go back to brown. She even wants to dye our daughter's hair when she gets to her teens. Can you believe that?"

The topic of family sends her flinching.

"I could have sworn you were gay..." She mumbles, but avoids saying it too loud. "How is life treating you, Itachi? I heard you've just had a birthday. How old are you now, _twelve_?"

Smirking, he replies. "Twenty six, actually. How old are you now, thirty five?"

Fisting her hands at her side, Temari fights to keep a pleasant smile upon her face. "No. Twenty nine. But thank you for you compliment, or whatever, by the way..."

"No problem." Itachi purrs. "It is nice being here, just the two of us. We should do this more often, shouldn't we, Subakuno-chan?"

"I'd rather rip off my clit with rusted pliers..." Temari answers, haughtily. "Just go ahead, and quit being so pretentious..."

"What?" He gasps, mockingly. "What are you implying?"

Temari cracks her stiffening neck, and is not pleased.

"Well?" The blonde woman raises an eyebrow, not caring to be complaisant. "Why did you have me come out here? I was _working, _you know. That thing you do when you _don't _want to disappoint your father, and have him hate your guts..."

"Oh...?" Itachi maunders, not stirred in the least. "But, should you not be preparing to take work off? For a few months, am I correct?"

She stiffens, and her entire safeguarding demeanor crumbles. The long haired Uchiha stares, unmoved by the doluor now in her eyes.

"I broke up with him, like you told me to..." She whispers, brokenly. "He hates me now-"

Blood eyes watch her, callously. "That is not my problem... Subakuno-chan, the only unavoidable things in this life are death and taxes... anything else, you have brought upon yourself..."

She does not reply, and he graces his unsympathetic eyes upon her dispirited form. "How many...?"

Temari sniffles a little. "Itachi-"

"**How.** **Many**?" He hisses suddenly, low and parlous.

Jumping in fear, she drags her eyes over her still flat stomach.

"...Four..."

An acrid chuckle escapes him, and he shakes his head at the absurdity of her confession. "You are... very deplorable, Subakuno-chan... I believe we are done here. Stay the fuck away from my little brother, or I will end you, you little harlot."

He rises, and she blindly reaches out and takes hold of his wrist.

He raises an eyebrow. Was she stupid? He's destroyed countless lives with just this one wrist.

"I-Itachi, I-I'm s-sorry about Shikamaru, and I'm s-sorry f-or c-cheating on Sasuke... b-but it happened and I can't change it... w-what am I supposed to do now? You have to t-tell me!" She sobs.

In an instant, he is behind her, and his lips hover over her shoulder.

"Simple." Itachi's smile is kind but his words are not. "You either fuck up your life, or don't... but do decide soon, Subakuno-chan, or I shall give you an all new meaning to **stomach** **pains**..."

With that, he straightens up, winks at the fervently blushing waitress, and swaggers off.

When he reaches outside, he sees Konan calling.

Picking up, an unalloyed smile makes its way onto his face.

"Hello, darling wife of mine... Oh, I'm just fine... Nothing much, just straightening out Sasuke's life without telling him, you know, the usual... "

* * *

#$%&

* * *

_"They only want you when you're seventeen,_  
_When you're twenty-one,_  
_You're no fun..._

_They take a Polaroid and let you go,_  
_Say they'll let you know,_  
_So come on.."_

The electronic beats and the singer's sonorous metallic tone blares its synthetic, robotic tune throughout the enormity of the house. The entire space is dark, save for the tawdry, colorful disco strobe lighting, and a bevy of underage (Sasuke was probably the only one that's old enough to actually buy and drink) K-Uni students writhing and dancing and damn near having sex on the home-made dancefloor.

The spacious living room, along with all of the couches belong to Naruto's circle. While he is with everyone else, drinking, cavorting and generally making an ass of himself, Sasuke sits, alongside Neji-

-_Fucking prick_-

-And reads, actually fucking reads, and not some trendy young adult novel either, but _The Original Thesis Of Dianetics _(7)

_Seriously, what the fuck?_

Neji spends his time, either formulating a tete a tete with Sasuke every two minutes, or giving drunk teens looks of disapproval, and every time the already proximate Hyuuga shifts and brushes against anything belonging to the raven's body, Naruto finds himself taking more shots. Kiba had his arm around his shoulder for the past forty minutes, and did not want to let go. Otherwise, Naruto and his liquor-buzzed, choleric haze of a brain would have tossed himself onto the smug brunette.

The music store fiasco was a complete and utter failure. Naruto did not know who the fuck those American jazz singers or British rock bands were, and he had to just sit there as Sasuke searched for the perfect record player and headphones, all the while Neji stood, and "helped" place each listening device on his head.

Hinata sat in amiable comfort next to her (surprise!) cousin, Neji. It turns out the only reason why that prick bastard came was because Hinata wanted to, and he had to look after her. Naruto liked Hinata, he really did, and thought she was really cute with her long midnight locks, alabaster skin, delicate features and monochromatic, lavender eyes. But right now, he wanted nothing but to shriek at her to get the fuck out and to take her weird, perverse kin with her.

The bottle of Shochu and Vodka had left the room a'twirl, and Naruto was desperate to hold onto reality. If he'd pass out or puke or die, then he would lose everything and not be able to keep track of Sasuke-

Fuck. He was doing it again.

Sasuke, on the other hand, was in a state of halcyon. Unbeknowest to that twat Neji, his Rolling Stones and Temptations CDs _**did** _in fact come in the mail today, he finally managed to have decent food even though said twat was insistent on feeding him, and autumn break was approaching, after that, he'd go back to Oto and visit his mother, Konan and his niece, Itanan. (8)

But of course, fate has a way of fucking the Uchiha up the ass.

Shikamaru stands, his usual placid eyes now clouded with something, Sasuke guesses he's been standing next to the weed smokers for too long and caught contact. He nods at Sasuke, and the raven in return nods back. For some reason, no animus is felt towards the uncaring teen at the moment.

Maybe it's the cannibus hovering above his head and blowing from passersby's lips, or maybe he's just growing up.

Fuck it, it's the cannibus.

Rising, because their is beckonance in the boy's aura, Sasuke tails him onto the balcony.

He does not feel a silver pair of disappointed eyes on him as he leaves, nor does he not feel the orange bundle follow quietly behind him.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

He sights the balmy male leaning against the railing, with earbuds dangling, looking very much like Sasuke himself on a good day.

He approaches Shikamaru, and impersonates his stance. The ponytail wearing male then offers him an earbud.

Sasuke instantly recognizes the semi-modern indie music playing. "Beirut?" The raven asks.

Shrugging, the human resources major replies. "They're pretty good." And smiles lightly when Sasuke takes one.

_"Let the seasons begin,  
It rolls right on,  
Let the seasons begin,  
Take the big game down...  
_

_And it rips through the silence of our camp at night  
And it rips through the night..." _

Blowing out a breath, Sasuke looks over. "Nara... bust me down a fag, won't you?" And takes the offered cancer stick, while mumbling a thanks. Lighting the fag, he inhales the gas, before exhaling. It is silent for a moment, and the music changes.

"_I know and I go,_  
_And I wait for you,_  
_Over I go on,_  
_'Cause I'll wait for you..._

_Faster, faster there's a little fall,_  
_The sky will grey, _  
_And my skin will dull_,  
_ Over I go on_,  
_'Cause I'll wait for you_..."

It is Shikamaru who breaks the comforting silence, his imperturbable serenity slightly crackling.

"...She's pregnant, Sasuke..."

For a while, it is quiescent. The taciturn slightly miffed by the sounds of cool autumn winds.

Closing his eyes, Sasuke answers. "...I know..."

Their eyes meet.

Both are dead.

Both are understanding...

"Whose...?" Shikamaru echos, almost inaudibly into the night.

Sasuke's expression of impartial fragility does not change.

"Does it _really_ even matter...?" The raven countered.

"No..." The brunette murmurs, and it goes silent again.

The older male finishes his cigarette, thanks the younger teen again, and turns to find the party again.

"She loves you, Sasuke..." Shikamaru susurrates, and Sasuke stops to look over his shoulder.

He gives the sad male a piteous attempt at a smile.

"I almost wish that meant something..." Sasuke answers back, and leaves, a shock of blonde following closely.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

When the now wearisome, tall male reaches the bathroom, he feels as if he'd been forced to re-read all of the Freudian theories a thousand times each. He looks at his reflection, and fights off a flinch at what he sees.

He sees an angry, hurt little boy, who's been beaten down by life, and who is too iron, too acerbic to cry. He's too thin, there are bags beneath his eyes, and not a shred of mirth can be found in those stupid, dark, slanted eyes of his.

The raven laughs morosely at himself, and his situation.

"What an embittering calamity my life has turned out to be..." He scoffs, but is cut from his emotive thoughts when the bathroom door is flung open.

"Alright, teme. I may not know what those words mean, but judging by your tone, it's not good. So cheer the fuck up, or else I'll be the 'woe is me' right outta your ass!"

Snorting, Sasuke rolls his eyes. "Enough with the cacophony, dobe. Let me mourn my life in peace."

Gritting his teeth, the impetuous blonde narrows his blue gem eyes. "Look, you asshole, either you listen to me or-"

Sighing in exasperation, he waves the blonde's threats away like biting gnats. "Yeah, yeah, you'll 'kick my ass'. We know, we know..."

"**_That's_ _it_**!"

Before Sasuke can fully comprehend what exactly is about to betide, the small blonde launches himself like a ragdoll, and the Uchiha hits the floor with a grunt. Pain suddenly appears in his jaw once he realizes the fair haired male has just jabbed him.

"Oh, it is **on** now, dobe!" The dark eyed male hisses, and shoves the shrieking obscenities blue eyed boy off of him with ease, to land a solid blow across the tanned face.

It connects, and the intoxicated blonde is left dizzy momentarily, before he can recover, Sasuke is already straddling him, and pinning his wrists at his side. Thrashing around, his energy depletes expeditiously, and he goes boneless in the older male's hold, and is left panting and dazed.

Smirking bitterly through his split lip, Sasuke taunts the effete boy below him. "Done?"

Naruto replies by spitting.

Eyes now alight with resolute indignation, the abyss eyed male tightens his hold.

"You son of a **_fucking_**-"

And then they're kissing.

Their lips fight, and Sasuke's sublime, perfect teeth tug on feathery, plush ones.

After a moment, his mouth then finds the blonde's neck, and he revels in the melodious groans that emit from the body beneath him.

His ivory fingers tear at the pumpkin colored apparel, and they discount that they are in fact in Aburame Shino's bathroom, about to get it on.

Besides, judging by the large collection of dead insect carcases scattered along his hallway walls, they both doubted something like this would freak out the boy who was probably wearing sunglasses since birth.

The Uchiha's tongue nips and suckles over the blonde's midsection with eidetic ease, and Naruto mentally uppercuts himself himself after a rather desperate moan escapes his lips. Especially when teeth glide lightly upon the bronzen skin, and sends the entire body below him shuddering pathetically, not even bother to remember that just two minutes ago, they were exchanging blows..

The Uchiha's hands fumble to find Naruto's pants zipper, and when he does, his hands briskly find their way down it.

"Aaah..." the tanned male jolts, and gasps, tearing his mouth away from the raven's to voice his feelings of the sensation. "_Fuck..._"

The orange articles of clothing are strewn across the sizable space, and the messy, inky haired head descends downward the now nude body, now all too used to what was supposed to occur.

Sucking in a breath, Naruto prepared internally not to make a fool of himself like all of the _other _times he was fellated by his pale skinned companion, but something told him that he was going to let himself down again, like always.

Those usually scowling lips easily wrap around the calefacted arousal, and Naruto is proud of himself when the only sound he musters up is a whimper and breathless pants.

They work at the hardened flesh with affluence, and the tanned male has to bite on his middle finger's knuckle to prevent being too boisterous. His hand was now freely tangled in the silky locks, as moved with every bob of the ivory skinned male's head.

"S...ohh, fuck, ah...s...st...op..."

_Damn it, just let me say something to you!_ He bellows in his mind, although he knows the... _occupied _raven can't hear him_. Can you stop trying to make me come a moat, and fucking listen to me for once in your life?! _

_"Ahh, _Sasuke...fuck...stop...it_..."  
_

Before his climax can come however, he's already digging his fingers into the locks between his legs and bringing the owner of said locks upwards.

"What?" Sasuke frowns, licking at the dots of the blonde's essence that spotted itself upon his lower lip and jaw.

"J-just keep going..." The hazy eyed boy slurs. "Do you have any-"

"No." Sasuke grunts out, annoyed. "I didn't plan on doing... _this _today... do you-"

"Y-yeah... for once... in my jeans..." Reaching out, he finds the crumpled contraceptive from his pants pocket and hands it to the now skeptical dark haired male.

Parting the tanned legs, Sasuke swiftly pushes into the smaller body, and dips his head down to cover over the yelp that would have been voiced.

"Shhh, dobe..." Sasuke hushes against the other's lips. "You can't be too loud. The party is winding down, and people will start to hear."

Blinking away stray tears (Of pain, or pleasure, Sasuke has no idea) Naruto nods, but then glares at the insinuation that only he is loud. (Even though it is sadly true.)

"F-fine...go..."

When tanned hands find his shoulder, it is his queue to start his movements, and the once pained groans have ascended to subdued, bawdy moans.

Sasuke knows that he is doing something right, so he repeats his actions, driving hard into the much smaller body, his nails digging into the underside of the tanned thighs. In turn, nails tear down at his back, possibly breaking skin, but Sasuke is much too focused to care.

The sensational ministrations sends the moaning blonde arching and crying out and scratching at the pale flesh or at the cold, tile floors.

"S...suke...fa...ster..."

Wrapping one arm around the gasping, arching blonde's waist, Sasuke complies, his tongue and teeth decorate the blemish-less skin. The cries of satiating sultriness grew, signaling that he was approaching climax. They do, almost in sync, and when Sasuke moves to pull away, he finds a small hand grabbing holding him there.

Their mouths are an inch away, and the heavily intoxicated boy parts his lips to speak.

"Sasuke..." He pants, his glazed over eyes trying to stare properly at the other. "Don't do this...with anybody but me..."

Halting in his tracks, said raven stares disquietly down at the confessing blonde.

_Holyshitholyshitholyshit..._

Trying to blink out the stupefaction that had now clouded his mind, Sasuke tries to form words.

"D-dobe..." He starts off, inwardly cursing the uneasiness of his tone. "What-"

He does not get to finish, because a sudden lurch in his body had sent Naruto jolting, and shoving the still startled raven off of him.

He barely makes it to the toilet before he's emptying his stomach of all its contents.

Wrinkling his nose in distaste, Sasuke begins to pet the up-chucking blonde's head.

_Don't do this..._

_With anybody..._

_But me..._

_But me..._

**_But me. _**

The heaving, tired thing then collapses into Sasuke's sympathetic arms, and he can't help but smile, if only a little, against the blonde's lips. He just thrown up, and it's gross, but he does not care.

Sasuke _then _proceeds to conjure that he did **_not_** in fact, feel the other's lips smile against his as well...

* * *

#$%&

* * *

It is the last day before autumn break, and his circle are once again together, discussing what exactly they will do with their dorm rooms now that their leases are all up. '

"Ino, and I are moving in together..." Sakura announces, shyly, and flushes when Naruto and Kiba cheer for her.

Kiba stretches in exuberance. "Welllllll, I asked out Hinata, and she said yes." His jubilation increases tenfold when he is rooted for as well.

"I'm relocating my dorm to the east wing this time, it is next to the psychology building, so it will benefit me better if I'm closer to my major's department..." Gaara speaks, though his eyes are on no one but the Hyuuga.

"I am on my last year of university, before I transfer to an official law school that allows me to take the bar exam..." Neji says, his gaze only on Sasuke. "Sasuke-san... what are you going to be doing over the break...?"

Naruto jumps in like a skydiver from a three hundred foot sky incline. "The teme and I are getting an off-campus apartment together, _thanks for asking_." The blonde grins, bubbily, but the undertone is enough to fare a warning to the long haired male.

Silver eyes harden to ice, and Naruto matches the glare with ease, an oblivious Sasuke bumps to "Top Billin", with his new headphones and is eminently oblivious to the waging war occurring over his shoulder.

Steel cold colorless eyes met narrowed beryl.

One thing's for certain, and two things were for sure, however...

This was a war.

_And it just started._

* * *

#$%&

* * *

_**AN**_: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, it is complete!

Did you like it? Because I sure as hell didn't! XD

But seriously, it's almost three in the morning, so I don't like much of anything right now. Sorry, heh.

**_French Conversation Translation: _**My French is rusty as hell, so point out if I made -some mistakes._  
_

-I'm here to teach you French.  
-Really?  
-Yes, really. I'm going to ask you some questions, k?  
-Ask away, muffin lover...  
-Are you trying to try my patience?  
-Of course not, darling.  
-My name is Ino. What's your name?  
-Sasuke... pleasure to meet you, or whatever...  
-Anything important you want to say now?  
-Yes, actually... nice tits...

(1) - The main reason why it took me almost a month to update. I've been really stressed lately with finally going to college, then trying to find a job, saving up money to move out, transferring from community college to Columbia, ect... Anyhoo, I've been so emo that I haven't eaten properly in weeks. All I've eaten were Halls since I'm so prone to sore throats, sugar filled coffee, water and Neuro drinks.

(2) - Following up from (1), since my appetite has been so shit, I now look Heroin Chic. That was the American/British model style in the late 80's/early 90's where models were using heroin, and were bone thin, had eye bags, and weren't realistically all that pleasant to look at. I now look like a tanned, curvier version Kate Moss, and it's horrible. I look like a bag of bones with big hips and long legs. I need to meditate or something.

(3) - Oh, God, Furuta Junko... the Japanese girl who was tortured, raped, burned, and sodomized repeatedly for 44 days until she finally died. It's safe to say the men who killed her are assholes.

(4) - I wanted to make Fugaku a prick. How can I make a fictional character a prick? By making them racist! So, since I wanted to make Suna a country, I decided to put Suna next to Egypt. So, you can be from Konoha ("Japan") and not be a certain race, so if you're from Konoha, and are any race, you're okay in old man Uchiha's book, just if you're from somewhere else, then you're nothing but Casey Anthony to him, I guess.

(5) - One of the central characters from _To Kill A Mockingbird,_ convicted of rape and then killed even though he was innocent, all because of the colour of his skin. Yeah, pretty fucked up.

(6) - Pre-paid phone, pre-paid card, you don't mail in the information sheet they send you, and your phone becomes virtually untraceable.

(7) - Catalan for "My Love" Trying to learn it, but it's goddamn hard.

(8) - By L. Ron Hubbard. It's a psychology book, and I love it. And I can so imagine Sasuke reading at a party. Lol.

(9) - So, yeah, it's not very creative, but what can I do? I'm Kate Moss, remember?

And yeah, alot of footnotes. I won't be surprised if you all don't read it.

_**Chapter**** Playlist**_:

Sasuke at the Cafe: "Pretty Vacant" by the Sex Pistols

Sasuke during Heroin Chic starvation mode: "All Along The Watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix (Surely you all should know I love that man)

Sasuke's Ringtone: "Song2" by Blur

Temari at the Cafe: "Kata Rokkar" by Bjork

Song Playing at the Party: Seventeen by Ladytron

Sasu and Shika Bonding Songs: Elephant Gun by Beirut and Crystal Balls by Grimes

Oblivious Sasuke at the End: "Top Billin" by Audio Two

_**Reviewer Question**_: Itachi: Good guy or bad guy? You decide, and provide why!

And yeah, minna, Tema's preggers. I know you guys are like "Nooooooo" but it's needed. But believe me, this is not gonna turn into Maury and Temari's not going to turn into a spiteful baby mama. My stories don't work that way.

Also, what do you think of Neji? If you say he's a douche, then I'm glad! I did write him that way purposefully. Really, I did.

P.S.: Naruto sorta kinda confessed something! How do you all like Jealous!Naruto? Yes? No?

Anyways, reviewwwww. Because if no one does, then I'll lose motivation, and turn back into a caterpillar! Don't let me turn back into a caterpillar! Keep me as a (slightly battered) butterfly, goddamn it!

See you next time! (Or maybe not, it's up to the reviews...)

Ja Ne!

_-SicklePickle_


	4. Forth Go

AN : I'm afraid I'm running out of decent greetings to put in this area, so I'm going to pretend to be Kevin Federaline, and say 'what's up, my peeps?' But it is I, SicklePickle, and I return, trudging along my fourth installment of Friends With Benefits! I demand applause, damn it!

The last time I checked this story, it has seventy plus reviews, but I must say it was surprising to say the least, to see my number of reviews cut in half for the third chapter. Still grateful though. But I figured, because it was just simply not funny like the other two chapters. Which is fine, I just gotta work harder at making you guys piss your pants with laughter. :)

By the way, I'm working my way back up to regular health, and I'm chugging weight gainer protein shakes like it's going out of style, life is good! I've been so happy that I don't even get mad anymore! So, I'm kicking life's ass right now, and I'm not even stressing the fact that after one year of community college then leads to expensive Stanford, then to UCLA Law, and then student loan debt that will take me decades to pay off, and I'll be so depressed that I won't find a husband or a wife, and I'll die alone with forty seven cats... nope... not stressing at all..._sigh_... damn it, life...

**_Edit! Janurary 7, 2013: I had to re-upload this chapter. For some reason, everyone else could view the chapter, but me. It's fixed now though, I believe. :)_  
**

**Disclaimer**: I wouldn't be dreading law school debts at only the age of nineteen if I owned Naruto.

**Rating** : M

**Warnings**: Contains strong language, awkward sex, humor, Sasuke being a prick, sex, dry humor, awkward budding romance, sex, more humor, and even more sex.

**Friends With Benefits~***

**Summary** : Romantically retarded Sasuke and Naruto both realized that sex without emotions involved was the perfect way to not deal with with the stress of dating. So they are now both determined to accomplish this... with each other. SasuNaru. AU. Humor.

**Chapter Warning: **Contains yaoi lemons, shoujou-ai, het, Jealous!Naruto, Spazzy!Hilarious!Naruto, Oblivious!Sauke, some Neji/Sasu development (don't kill me!), hilariously hilarious humor, sarcasm, dry humor, Neji/Naru faceoff, and basically everything in Naruto's POV. Oh, and did I mention Kyuubi arrives? No? Yes!

Oh, and those who were wondering what Itachi meant by asking "How many?" to Temari, he was indicating how many months, not how many kids, lol. This is not The Aristocats.

* * *

**Song Listening Inspiration For Naruto: **"Vocal Chords" By Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.

_"For awhile,  
I was stuck,  
I'll admit I was short on luck,  
You were bright, like a new day,  
All my troubles, went away..._

_And in every way you know I just want you to stay,_  
_Beats something else, you know I never worry about myself,_  
_And in every way, i know you still want to stay,_  
_And that's got to be the way it is..."_

* * *

**Not Beta'd** : Ignore the grammatical errors, please!

* * *

**Fourth Go**: Tip Toe Through The Carnage...

* * *

#$%&

* * *

"_S...aah...suke...love you..." _

_"So...nnn...much..."  
_

It was a dream, Sasuke was sure of it.

He was stroking soft hair, and kissing equally soft lips, and the person kept chanting confessions of love over, and over until they both reached climax.

At one point, Sasuke did not want to dream anymore because he saw a flash of blonde and did not want to be reminded of his unfaithful, four months pregnant ex-girlfriend...

She was a self-centered bitch, and he needed to get over her, and fucking _fast. _

Especially since dumb ass Shikamaru took her back, and blabbered unemotionally about loving her, and blah blah _fucking_ blah.

Yeah...

_Whatever_.

Back to the issue at hand, the dream, it was strange.

Especially the intimacy aspect of it.

When he caressed the trembling body, however, made the Uchiha want nothing to do than just exit the mental, conjured premises.

The skin was soft, yes, but firmer than Temari's, signs of fit abdominals were brushed by his fingers instead.

That, and the fact that there was a sudden deficiency of mammary glands.

No tits.

None.

At all.

Just flat.

Before the Uchiha could discover just what kind of flat-chested girls he was into, and prayed it was not Sakura or Karin, he is brought out of his sleep forcefully.

"_**Gyyyaaaaahhhhhh**_!"

It was a disaster.

The once amicable, strife-less slumber the Uchiha had the luxury of participating in was ripped from him as a clamorous shriek echoes through the walls like rapid fire.

Shooting up, the shirtless raven is wide eyed. Looking to the other side of his bed, he saw that the usual noisily snoring blonde was not in his bed.

_Probably in his own bedroom_... Sasuke thinks.

Jumping up, and walking down the long, narrow-some hallway quickly down his new apartment, he reaches the Usurantonkachi's own bedroom, and sees that he is not there. Leaving out and frowning in confusion, he reached the source of the distressed sounds, a sudden apprehensive feeling boiling deep within his being.

The tall male finds himself in the living room, and still uneasy, he calls out to his newfangled roommate. "Dobe...?" Sasuke sounds out.

He finds the blonde, crouching in front of their television, trembling heavily in dispirit as the credits from some romance movie ends with a semi-pleasant tune blaring.

"_God_!" Naruto shrieks at the top of his lungs, his hands flailing in the direction of the electromechanical object. "How could that just fucking _happen_?!"

Sasuke's brows furrow, and he calls out again, the spiked, fair head turning in the direction of the weary-eyed Marketing student, his eyes drenched with shed, and unshed tears. "I-I j-just watched one of the greatest love movies I-I've ever s-seen, I-I'm totally i-into it, yeah? It was totally romantic and awesome and shit, a-and then the girl ju-just goes i-into a coma again, and fucking _**dies**_!" Liquid sadness drips the tanned jaw, and he remains on his knees.

"L-like _why_, dattebayo?!" The upset flaxen haired male sobs dramatically in thespian grief. "W-w-why c-couldn't t-they just be _together_?! Why'd the writers hafta fuck it up?!" Naruto does not even notice the raven anymore. "I f-fucking even m-made the dumbass decision to w-watch _THIS SHIT_ instead of the MTV Japan Music Awards! I-I missed Rising Sun getting their fucking award because of this bitch-ass _**MOVIE**_! And I d-didn't even record it o-on T-Tivo either! W-what the fuck was I thinking?! _**How**_ _**dumb am**** I**_?! Fuck it, dattebayo, I'm j-just g-gonna curl up a-and just lay here, and hopefully _**die**_...!"

Without any response from the only other person in their shared quarters, the blonde then tips over onto his side and pushes himself into a fetal position, his dejection about not seeing his favorite band's shining moment on the television imminent as waterfalls of saline drip from his eyes and onto the carpet.

Incredulously, Sasuke just slowly fixes the bawling blonde with a frigid, ice-chipped stare, before looking at the digital cable-box.

3:37 a.m.

Sasuke had to be well rested.

Sasuke had an interview with MCT Japan (1) at eight in the morning.

By the sounds of the theatrical imbecility, it will take Sasuke _hours_ to fall asleep.

The raven now has two options.

Either bear with it, and chug a gallon's worth of energy drinks and arrive to the interview looking like Pete Burns after surgery.

_Or..._

Turn off the television, suffocate the dobe, then dispose of his body in the morning.

Although the latter seemed more beneficial to him, there was still the unsettling chance of being found out by the police. So either way, he was execrably fucked.

Sighing, Sasuke then cast his abhorrent-tinted eyes upon the still blubbering teen.

Rolling his bare shoulders, he then stalks up to the shaking blonde and, with almost herculean ease, he scoops up the blonde and tosses him over the shoulder. Ignoring the now irate protests of indignation and injustice, Sasuke cruises back to his bedroom.

_There was always the other option_, Sasuke mused.

Ah, yes. Option number three, and it had yet to end in miserable dereliction.

Shoving the infuriating halfwit onto his bed, and screwing the dobe until he became speechless.

Kicking open the freshly painted door, the smaller body is then tossed onto the bed in similarity of the many useless trinkets that decorate the standing male's desk. The blonde blinks through his tears and before his brain can formulate a response to his body to move, the taller male is straddling his pelvis.

Threadbare, fatigued eyes glower down at soaked ultramarine.

"We've only been here for two days, you tiresome idiot..." Sasuke starts, enervated. "Two **_fucking_ **days-"

"Fuck you, teme!" Said idiot screeches. "You just don't fucking understand the **_love_ **those two felt! Only to have it ripped away by some stupid ass writers with not enough common sense or compassion for the watchers to fill up a shot glass!"

Wincing in displeasure from the volume, Sasuke leans back, away from the peeving, oh-so engaging face, their hips barely touching.

Naruto does not notice and struggles even more. "You just don't understand the pain! The fucking **pain, **and the _emotion_ that spilled from that movie! It makes all us young watchers believe in the miracles of love, and what bliss falling for someone brings! And **_then_ **it teaches us just how FUCKED up the world is and that any day of any fucking _MINUTE_ the one we love more than anything in this world can spontaneously break into a coma, and that the injustice of society just proves that it's a conspiracy against all young couples that, like, totally break up due to the government or something like that-"

By now, Sasuke had enough.

Dipping his head down, the raven believes he does the world a favor by capturing those irksome, comely lips and preventing more jumbled, crackled nonsense from escaping them.

It's not enough at first, because the blonde's lips part, possibly to continue his rant, and leaves the Uchiha no choice but to deepen it further, using one hand to keep tanned wrists pinned down and the other keeps hold of the blue eyed boy's chin, halting any further movement.

The body below him fought against the anatomical restraints, trying to fight off the kiss, even as long, nimble appendages stroke delicately as his cheek.

It is only when his tongue twists with the other that Sasuke realizes just how desperate he is to shut the tanned twit the fuck up, and go to bed. It'd had only been less than forty-eight hours since they bombarded the sizable place with all of their personal shit and bundles of belongings, Sasuke with his books, and Naruto with his pre-packaged, processed foods.

The raven had to commend him, though, this had been the hardest _anyone's_ ever fought when they were underneath the svelte Uchiha, alas, it does not last long, and he watches with tired mirth as once his companion melts into his hold, and once fervid blue hued eyes flutter closed.

Sasuke's lips find solace elsewhere and moves from the other's to his jaw, then collarbone, dragging it out as haltingly as possible, encouraged by the small gasps and shortness of breath.

The baggy, frog t-shirt is dis-burdened of without difficulty, and the sable haired male's mouth moves ploddingly slow over the shuddering teen's chest, emitting a vexed moan to escape from kiss-bitten lips.

"_Aah..._damn it, f-fuck you... 'ttebayo..." He gasps out, far too enamored by the haze of growing arousal to snap at the other properly. "You don't understand the beauty of happy endings and love, and shit... you're just a bastard..."

"Is that so...?" Sasuke hums, against the sunkissed ribcage, his tongue slow dancing over the dulcet, sensitive skin. "Forgive me. I'll go fuck off, then, I guess and just leave you to your previous activities-"

Obscuring his smirk from the fair haired boy, he rises (but not really) to move off of the now dejected Uzumaki. Within seconds, a hand shoots out to harshly tug him back down between the now parted legs. "What's the matter, dobe? I thought you said-"

"Alright, alright, you asshole!" The audacious, desperate blonde whimpers out, glaring daggers into the devilish male. "What do you want from me, teme?! Compliments? Fine! Your face is awesome, you have nice abs, and your mouth is almost better than ramen when it's on my-"

"_Shhh_..." Sasuke suddenly commands, next to the his ear. It's placid and easy, and Naruto notices that Sasuke has a weird look in his eyes when he says it, but its tone is enough for the blonde to shut him up, and his cheeks are ablaze with red heat. Their lips are a centimeter away, and all is quiescent, before Sasuke talks again. "It's just a movie, Usurantonkachi..."

The raven's amused words is enough to send Naruto glaring again. "Hater, dattebayo! You just don't _get _it. I felt every iota of that movie's passion and the love burning from deep, _deep_ inside me-"

"You mean, where my dick's about to be?"

The tanned face goes alight with anger, and Sasuke laughs to himself.

_Totally worth it..._

Despite being almost asleep at his feet, the normally pursed lips curl upwards, before capturing the lips below him again.

They descend downwards and sharp teeth graze at the blonde's, proud _mini_-Naruto, and Sasuke feels a little part of him die inside and cry out in metrosexual dismay once he hears the now moaning boy's unclipped nails tear at his costly, Egyptian silk sheets.

Formulating a mental note to dilapidate the dobe later, Sasuke decides to end the teasing and captures the heated organ, and let his gag-reflex deficiency prove its advantages.

His hands and mouth finds the other's arousal, and disturbingly, Sasuke realized it is almost.._fun_, relaxing between the moronic blonde's legs. The dobe's trembling thighs are soft as pillows, and Sasuke was sure if he weren't blowing him right now, he'd be sleeping well.

His mouth suddenly engulfs the tip, and a loud, surprised moan is torn from the tanned male. "Haaah...aahh...aah...!" His back arches, out of instinct, and in an attempt to move closer.

An ivory hand reaches out to hold onto the small of Naruto's back, keeping him in place, and giving him better access. Softly, Sasuke nips at the underside of his erection, and by now, the volume in the blonde's moans, and mewls have increased.

By now, the sunshine hair is frizzing due to the now building of sweat.

"Ah...aah...," he pants, his chest heaving in and out in harsh breaths.

It is still disparate to see Naruto abandon his pride and submit under his will, but if this was what it took to shut the dobe up for the night, then it was damn well worth it.

"Aaahh..." Naruto breaths out, in semi-surprise. "Ohhh, _fuck_..."

When glazed over, hazy ocean eyes finally re-focus onto their surroundings, shameful curiosity overcomes him, and while peaking down at the bobbing, spiked head, he becomes frozen in shock, and _something _else he can't identify...

_In that position, Sasuke-teme actually looks kind of... and wait, is he **hollowing** his cheeks...? Where'd he learn that- _

He is then ripped out of his cognitions and introspectives as his own climax sends him gasping and mewling like the girls in the tentacle-rape animes.

Panting like he just ran throughout the Great Wall in less than a minute, Naruto dazedly tries to zone in on the raven's face in the dark, but it fails and a cry of surprise as his legs are separated even father and Sasuke is in him.

Holy balls, does it hurt, and the blonde almost bites through his own jaw to resist blubbering all over again.

This is short lived, however, and Naruto _still_ does not know how this whole 'male plus male equals blah blah blah', but like all else times, the pain fades and toe-curling ecstasy shoots through his body. He then warps both arms around the hardy, ivory shoulders, and bites and nips at the taller male's throat in order to prevent from crying out the other's name. He'd done it before, and needless to say it was fucking weird. Plus, Sasuke had looked at him strangely, so he figured he was disgusted with him.

He understood that his crony was only doing doing him a favor by helping get the blonde off, and that he found other men's body gross, but for some reason, it did nothing to quell the hollow feeling he had.

"S-S...aaah...Saa...aah...!"

_Shit_! Naruto panicked. It happened anyway!

Desperate to mend his inoperative, intermittent fuck up, the blonde spurts the first thing on his mind.

"S-so..._aah_... p-pumped for..._nnn_...p-philo-_aaah_-sophy c-class today...!"

_What the fuck?! _Naruto mentally capers a knife into himself. _What kind of recovery was that?! Damn it, me! _

"That was random..." Sasuke murmurs against the frenzied throat, causing the already red-faced boy's cheeks to burn harder. "Especially considering you told me before that you hate that class more than you hate your cousin..." _  
_

_Smooth, Naruto... real fucking smooth... _

Alas, the Gods must have been on his side, considering the perfect excuse to not respond came, in the form of another exalting climax.

While both collected their breath, Sasuke rose an eyebrow, apparently, not letting the earlier situation slide, post-orgasm glow decorating his skin prettily. "What _were _you going to say earlier...? You're a shit liar, so just tell me, stupid..."

_Fuuucccckkkk! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuuuuuuu-_

"Er...um..." The soon to be neurasthenic male started, the immense, timorous feeling brewing in his insides. It began to build, and ascend up, and up...

However, before '_Your name, you fucking bastard!_' could pass through his lips...

His allergies decided to answer for him.

"-CHOO!"

In the form of a colloidal sneeze.

**_On_ **Sasuke's face.

Oh... Shit...

Suddenly justifiably fearing for his life, he shyly looks back up at the frozen, older male, dots of the only kind of Naruto's fluids he did _not _want, along his cheeks.

And sags in relief when the melanoid-eyed male sighs, and scowls tiredly at him.

"...Really, dobe? _Really_...?"

It crumbles though, as the blonde's contagious laughter spreads to him as well.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

"-Chan..."

The placid aura is once again disturbed, and this time given the 'Caesar' treatment.

"-Ru-chan..."

Sasuke blinks slowly to give the blonde a glare, but is surprised when he sees the slumbering, nude thing underneath him.

Then what-

"...Ehh, fuck it, I'm just gonna come in..."

When his eyes take in a flash of carmine hair, he lifts his foot and with all of his might, he sends said foot across the sleeping blonde's abdomen, sending the now startled awake boy flying off the bed and onto the floor.

"-Oof!"

"Naru-chan, wake up, your big brother's here!"

_Fucking hell... _Sasuke swears to himself. _It's_ _the **other**_ _dobe! _

Naruto, thinking fast for the first time in his life, covers himself and hollers at the sauntering redhead.

"K-Kyuubi! Close your eyes! I'm fucking **naked**, dattebayo!"

Stilling, the tall, athletically built, bronzen-skinned man lifts up his hands to cover his eyes, a childish action which is completely unsuited for his overly-masculine form. His shoulder length, flame red tresses stick out in all directions, and a surprised gasp escapes him. "Oh, shit! Sorry, Kit'! Er... I'll just walk slowly towards you, yeah?"

Blindly, with his brilliant blue eyes still closed, he walks forward, Sasuke looks around for his sweatpants, boxers, _anything, _he halts up when a sightless Kyuubi is in suddenly in front of him. Reaching out, the red haired male's palm lands on the raven's bare chest. Winsome features are twisted up in perplexity, and full lips purse up. "Ehh...Kit? Did you get taller...?"

Soon, the other palm joins the first, and they slide downwards towards the freaked out Uchiha's abdominals. "Have you been working out, too...?"

It is when they touch even _**lower**_, that Sasuke is left gaping, utterly perturbed. Naruto finally sees, and shrieks at the fingertips that are now brushing a little too close to the raven's pubes.

"_**Kyuubi**_! For fuck's sake, I'm over here, dattebayo!"

Sapphire eyes flutter open, and take in the now traumatized Sasuke. He slowly retracts his hands, but his expression does not change much. "Aww, damn. It's baby Uchiha! How've you been, kid?" The hand that once previously, shamefully molested him now ruffled his hair.

"Can you have the nerve to at least _feign _being apologetic? Or does political incorrectness just run in the family?" Sasuke grunts, throwing an artic glower at the the sheepish blonde, and sliding jogging pants up onto his hips. "What the fuck is he doing here, dobe number 1? How the hell did he get in our goddamn house?"

Giving the irate dark haired male an uneasy smile, he replies. "Ehehehe... I _**may** _have mailed him a key-BUT, I **_so_ **did not know he was gonna come over today, so don't be mad at me, Sasuke-gah!" The babbling blonde is cut off when one of the Uchiha's shoes connects with his forehead, sending him back onto the floor.

"Oi, don't talk about me like I'm not here, Sa'Sa-chan..." Kyuubi huffs, his eyes narrowing, and the swirl tattoos in the corner of it shifting with his skin. "Besides, I thought this was Kit's room... but you're here... and he's here, and there's only one bed, and..." Unfolding his arms, Kyuubi then takes in both their once nude forms, and their "shared" bed.

"Wait a minute..." Kyuubi seems to ponder, truly thinking over things now, and Naruto watches in horror.

"Bed..."

No.

"Naked..."

Nonono.

"Shiesty attitude..."

Nonononono-

"_Ooooooooooohhhhhhh_...!"

A shit-eating grin finds his face, and with his head tipped back, an all-knowing cackle escapes his lips. "Holy shit, it all makes sense! It all totally makes fucking sense now! The dodgy attitude, the nakedness, the _used condom in the trash-can_... hahahaha, I'm not _stupid_, you guys!"

The red haired man jumps up and down, in uncontrollable excitement, bouncing on his heels, a giddy laugh emitted from discovering the once secret.

Sasuke, for once in his twenty years of life, was deficient of a response, and stood gaping. Naruto was the same, blubbering on about something, but not quite denying it.

"D-don't worry, you two..." He gasped through almost infinitesimal giggling. "I won't say anything, I swear...hehehe... I'll be back later, so call me when you're done _cleaning up_, Kit...hehehe, bye...!"

The still blithe, gratified male turns curtly, but not before flashing them a grin that could rival the Cheshire cat's with ease, and leaves out of the room.

It is after a few moments, that black and blue eyes meet, a mutual thought passing through the two.

_We are so **fucked**..._

* * *

#$%&

* * *

_"Now Lord, save me a place there upon the ark,  
I have been wandering in the dark,  
Put me into your collection,  
Lord, am I not worth your salvation?  
_

_It's all a masquerade,  
Just who is who, I can't say,  
Don't leave me in the cold,  
Just who is fake, who's real...?_

"Fuck..." Ino groans, crumbling up a sheet of paper, and shaking her head in dispirit. _  
_

"Fuck..." Sakura echoes, closing her industrial-sized textbook.

"Fuck..." Kiba joins in, setting down his pen.

"Fuck..." Sasuke growled, shutting his laptop down.

"...Fuck..." Neji mutters, heavily, sagging against the bench.

All five pairs of eyes then find Gaara, and watch him expectedly.

The redhead is silent, before he scans his new psychology class syllabus.

"Fuck..." He sighs.

Kiba releases an aggravated growl, and clutches at his hair. "I have a seven pager on animal nutrition due in six hours and I'm fucked. Like, _literally _fucking fucked! Why can't I just put 'kibbles and strawberry yan yan' like I feed Akamaru, and that just be the end of it? I'm not even in Vet school yet, how the fuck am I supposed to take the heat _there _when I can barely handle it here?"

"I know what you mean, Kiba..." Ino sympathizes. "I have to design a chiffon mini-skirt, a pair of flare jeans, _and _a sequined halter top by _tomorrow_. From _scratch_! If this is what Fashion school is like, then I'm considering a major change..."

"You're not the only one..." Sakura murmurs, softly, a heartbreakingly miserable look on her face. "I still have a little over a year before I take the MCAT to get into Medical school, and I'm already dreading the difficulty, and not to mention the expenses... I'll be in debt until I'm in my seventies! And I won't even be able to buy a house..." She ends off with a whimper, resulting in empathetic glances sent her way.

"I'm more partial to sympathizing with Sakura..." Gaara maunders. "I have to pull an all nighter studying for a behavioral neuroscience test tomorrow, followed by a callback interview for an internship from that mental institution in Iwa. I'll have... oh, about _twenty seven_ minutes minutes of estimated relaxation time, before I'm on my feet again to assist my father in his hospital, if Medical school is this difficult, then I'm partial to Ino, and considering a program change..."

"Pussies..." Sasuke grunts. "Try having to learn Italian in two weeks, and then being cold-called on random by your Linguistic professor for _every_ fucking chapter. I still have four years of this left when I get to Business school, but you don't hear me complaining..."

"Still!" Kiba shouts. "How can they expect us to do all of this shit in such short intervals! Only in Fanfiction can people achieve this shit without pulling all nighters, or looking like someone pissed in our cereal!"

"I wrote a fanfiction once, a couple of years back..." Sasuke admits. "It only got forty reviews in the first chapter...I felt like a failure..."

"Medical school's going to suck..." Sakura and Gaara maunder, in unison.

"Not more than Vet school..." Kiba counters.

"Fashion school's gonna be _way _worse..." Ino defends.

"All of you are fucking wrong, Business school's going to fuck me over worse than the rest of you..." Sasuke scoffs.

An argument of who has the worst major, the most stress, and possibly the most debt, breaks out, and all the while, Neji is as stiff as a board. Sasuke breaks from his verbal altercation with his friends to assess the elder's disparate behavior .

"Oi, Hyuuga..." Sasuke starts, obscuring his interest with an insouciant tone. "Want to get in on this? You're probably worse off than the rest of us..."

The brunette just shakes his head, and rests his chin onto an open palm.

Sasuke opens his mouth to speak further, which is cut off as a familiar, boisterous voice rings out.

Naruto enters the group, a goofy grin on his face.

A queer fluttering stirs in the Uchiha's stomach.

"Good news, guys!" The blonde cheers. "I spent all my student loan money!"

At that point the fracas of words were quieted, and the French fry that Kiba was in the process of eating, fell from his lips.

"Dude..." He stammers. "_Why _would you do that?!"

The grin, if possible, widens. "I decided I'm going to become a scientist! Then, I'll invent a shrinking machine, and then sell it to the world for trillions of yen, and never have to work again day in my life! Smart, right, dattebayo?"

The startled gazes then turn incredulous and stare at the jubilant boy as if he was suddenly in charge of the Bomb squad.

Sasuke sneers, and furrows a brow at the blatant flaws in the teen's logic. "Dobe, in order to become a scientist, you have to change your program focus onto science..."

A blonde brow rises. "Yeah...?"

Sakura then speaks up. "Then you have to take the proper courses, like 'inventive sciences'..."

Beryl eyes blink slowly, not getting it. "Yeah...?"

Ino chimes in. "And you have to buy the text books, and pay for the classes..."

Another blink. "Yeah...?"

Gaara finalizes it by tilting his head, his jade eyes dulled by this conversation. "Then how are you supposed to pay for the courses, the books and the fees if you've spent all of your student loan money?"

Naruto's face scrunches with a pout. "Fine, piss all on my dreams, why don't you...?"

Kiba frowns in sudden realization. "What _did _you spend the loan money on, anyways?"

With a gasp escaping his lips-

-Those stupid, _pretty_ fucking lips of his-

-Naruto jumps up, and runs off, squeaking about fetching something.

Sasuke had been anticipating a snort, a roll of the eyes, a scoff, graceful, verbal assaults, _something _from the taciturn long haired male, but nothing. Neji held some hostility for the dobe (who knows why), and didn't fail to show it out loud, and got his chance to insult the blonde further but stayed silent.

Sighing, Sasuke rises, and tugs at the taller male's wrist, bringing him up, and dragging him off to the side.

Neji looks at the raven as if he just killed his cat. "The fabrics belonging to this shirt are custom-made and did not run cheap, Sasuke-san." He sniffs.

"Oh, boo-hoo." Sasuke drawls, with a roll of his eyes. "You haven't been a pretentious, fatuous prick all day, like you usually are. So, Hyuuga. What's wrong with you? And don't bother lying to me either, because I begrudgingly admit that I feel as if we share a brain sometimes. Spill."

Looking around, Neji suddenly deflates, and leans forward to the raven. "Alright, I shall tell... er... I went to a... bar-review last night..."

The Uchiha's serious expression does not waver. "And? Isn't that a good thing? You're a Law student, right?"

Neji grimaces, before speaking again. "No, my dear... a... _bar review_..."

Raven brows meet his hairline. "You mean that shit that Law kids do when they all go to a pub and drink and discuss classes?"

Diamond eyes glint with exasperation. "Yes..."

Sasuke did not understand. "I still don't get-"

With a surge of strength, Neji grabs the younger male's shoulders gently, and bends so they are nose to nose. Sasuke jolts, and trembles a little at actually being man-handled for once. He thought he would be pissed at being almost pinned, but a fluttering deep within him and a burning of his cheeks showed his body felt otherwise.

"Listen..." Neji begins, his voice now lower. "I am your Achates, yes? I can confide in you, can I not?"

_Why the hell is so close...? _"Yes, Hyuuga-"

"Fine!" He starts off, but quiets his voice again. "I attended this 'bar review', yes, and it was a disaster. A ponderous, substantial _disaster. _The entire bar was rented only for my circle, and then the alcoholic beverages started coming, and it would not stop..."

When the raven does not reply, the Hyuuga continues. "There is another grouping betiding tonight, and I am now _fearful _of returning. I just cannot, how do you say it...'keep up', my associates drink as if they have no desire for _living_ anymore!" He whispers, frantically in a hushed breath.

Sasuke stares for a moment, before a sudden laugh sends him from Neji's arms to bent over.

The Law student's ire dims slightly. "I... divulge my fears to you, and yet you laugh...?" The tone he uses would be enough to make any normal being feel guilt, but Sasuke just laughs harder.

"S-sorry..." The raven gasps out. "I-it's just seeing you look so lost, and small, and shit, it's... just fucking funny..."

"I fail to see the humor in this, koi-san..." Neji stares back, frowning, before a smile eventually finds his face.

Chocolate eyes take in the pair, but look away once they find Naruto returning.

Holding something.

Something..._hideous. _

"Ta-daaaaah!" The blonde roots, and Kiba looks over to him.

It's a bright, pumpkin orange, two-wheeled piece of shit, and Naruto stares at it like it's his newborn child.

Ino, Sakura and Gaara simultaneously tilt their heads.

"What is it?" Sakura asks, politely.

Naruto gaps. "It's a scooter, duh! and it it's beautiful, and worth every yen I payed!"

He is met with silence, and with a flattened beatitude, he steers his newly bought item, and seats himself on the bench.

Naruto, however, is cut off from his dejection once he overhears his counterpart's once in a blue moon laughter, snapping his head towards the disturbingly pleasant sounds, his azure eyes narrow once he sees the reason behind it, in the form of a tall, long-haired asshole.

"How did I not _fucking _know, 'ttebayo...?" The Uzumaki grunts, rolling his eyes. "Stupid, white-eyed prick..."

Kiba is appalled by the embitterment of the tone, completely different from his usual gaiety. "Don't know why you hate him so much, he's kinda funny, and he helped me ask out Hinata. He's a cool guy."

"Ha!" He scoffs in reply. "How can a stuck up bastard like that be cool? All he does is hang all over Sasuke-teme. He's just annoying..."

Kiba turns his eyes once again to the tall pair, before looking over the scowling, tanned boy. "Uh...dude? Don't think I'm weird for saying this but... I dunno, I just think they would make a decent looking couple-"

"_**WHAT**_?!"

Kiba's face crumples, startled by the now seething blonde.

Naruto shakes his head so speedily that his brain almost jumps from his ears. "NO! No, nononononono, **NO**!What the fuck?! _NO!_ Have you lost your mind?! Have you become blind, deaf AND crazy?! No way! No _**fucking**_-"

"Dude, Naru, calm down!" Kiba shouts, about to burst into tears. "It was just a thought, sorry! I used to think that way about you and him, too!"

At those words, the clamoring blonde shuts his mouth. "Wh-what...?" He gasps.

"I mean, you guys were always together, and laughing and stuff... but I know both of you don't like guys, so... besides! I'm not the only one who said that, Ino and Sakura said it, too! We didn't _mean _anything by it, so no need to get upset, man..."

"S-sorry..." Naruto starts, before going quiet. "I just don't see what you guys see..."

"Eh?" An eavesdropping Ino chimes in. "How can you not? Look at that smile Neji has! You can totally see it in his eyes, he _loves_ Sasuke!"

As soon as the 'Suki' word escapes her bubblegum lips, Naruto and Gaara still, and in a second, the redhead is up, muttering goodbyes and making off excuses that he suddenly has to be somewhere.

Naruto begins to feel dizzy, and he heedlessly disregards Gaara's sudden departure.

No way.

No fucking way.

Nononono.

_No. _

It didn't matter what that asshole felt for his best friend, Sasuke would _not _return his feelings.

No matter how much in common those two had, no matter how much jazz and rock music they exchanged, no matter how much fucking gay ass Moroccan oil paintings they spent enormous amounts of money on, no matter how much... Sasuke _laughed_ with him...

Naruto had all of that first.

And he'd be damned if he'd let that douche take his best friend from him.

"Fucking right..." He finds himself whispering to his concerned friends. "I'll be right back...dattebayo..."

* * *

#$%&

* * *

_BAM. _

With a vexed grunt, Neji's back collides with a random locker.

Naruto's much smaller hand has him by the collar of his, once again _very _costly button-up shirt, his eyes ablazed with pent up aggression.

Neji rolls his eyes, and swats the younger boy's hand away like a peeving insect.

Maybe it was the underhand comments, the heavy sighs, or the sudden enormity of his dear Sasuke-san's time being given to him, that contributed to the young boy finally snapping, but the elder male can't bring himself to care about the boy's feelings. Still, violence is never necessary, and Neji finds himself far too _blase _to deal with the emotionally primitive little idiot.

"Remove your sullied hands from my person, you ignorant little _wretch__..._" Neji coldly asserts, and moves to elegantly pass the choleric teen, but once again his back adjoins the locker again. "You are placing creases onto my shirt, in which I highly _d__oubt_ you have the funds to pay for another if any damage is caused upon it. _**Let** **go**_." His words are hardened into icicles, but that only fuels the shorter blonde further.

"No, **_you_ **let go, and fuck _off_, and leave the teme- I mean, _Sasuke_ alone!"

"Would it elate you if I did...?" He asks, suddenly, a syrupy sweet smile suddenly on his face.

Blinking slowly, Naruto loosens his hold unintentionally. "Er... yeah...yeah, it would..."

The smile disappears, and the Hyuuga snarls prettily at him. "Well, **_tough tits_**... I am in this for the long run, and I have absolutely _no _intention of parting from him."

Growling in vexation, Naruto loses it. "Piss _off_, you stuck up prick! Take your ballet slippers, your pink diary, and your 'I'm not gay, I'm just sensitive' ass and fuck off back to Hebi! Sasuke is _my _best friend, and no one can have him, but me!"

Raising both brows, Neji responds to the screeching, that is crackled around the edges, signaling that the blonde is trying his hardest not to start bawling his eyes out. "That is rather selfish of you." He maunders, calmly. "What you are implying is that you would prefer Sasuke-san to remain single for the rest of his life, and to continue your meaningless, platonic relationship for the rest of his days, yes?"

It is when the elegant male says it that Naruto rewinds what he had just said back in his own head. "W-wait... n-no-"

The attorney in Neji comes out, and his eyes narrow, ready to begin ruthless interrogation. "But that is what you said, is it not? Sasuke-san is, let's face it, rather fucking _attractive_, and if I '_piss off_', like you say, there will be another like me, and another, and another. Will you bulwark them all away because you cannot face the factuality of your own half-assed feelings-"

_Whoa. When did this backfire all on me, 'ttebayo?_ "That's not-"

"Do you really _think_ in that piteously small brain of yours that I care about being his 'best friend'? You can keep the title, for all I care. I am looking for much, much more, and you will not get in the way of that."

_Damn it, why does he have to be so fucking tall?! _

Gritting his teeth, Naruto tries hard to turn the situation back into his favor. "Look, asshole. S-Sasuke's not into guys-"

"Oh?" The Hyuuga gasps, mockingly, before growing devilish again. "Then I believe we shall see about that, shall we not?"

Suddenly, the blonde's own back crashes harshly against the random lockers. Where the fuck were they anyways? He'd never seen the University halls so empty.

"Oh, and Naruto-kun..." Neji purrs mercilessly, tightening his hand around his throat. "You place your unworthy fingers upon my apparel and/or body, I will take you to court and I will personally see toit that you are deficient of every cent you own... You have a good evening."

Straightening, the future attorney saunters down the hallway, probably to go find Sasuke again.

Naruto glares at his retreating back, before sighing heavily, and scratching at his head. "Ehh... that could have _so _gone better..."

With a sudden burst of zen, he jumps up, grinning. "Fuck that, I _totally _got him scared of me, dattebayo! He'll know not to fuck with me now!"

A now 'triumphant' smile on his face, the blonde skips off, victory feeling light upon his shoulders.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

It was a pleasant, and felicitated day, Naruto decided.

He'd finally made plans with his girlfriend/not girlfriend, and here they sat, before she went back to Kumo for a week with her brother.

It was awesome, and she made him ramen, which was a plus, and by the end, Naruto was seriously considering marrying this girl.

He honestly thought the day could not get better, until she said her favorite color was orange as well.

Gaping, he wondered if he'd get arrested for screaming at the top of his lungs for her to be-wed him, that or just jumping on her and tearing her clothes off.

Sunset arrived, and she had snuggled up to him.

Overall, his date/not date went pretty fucking A.

Or, at least until she brought out pocky as an after-lunch snack.

The blonde thought nothing of it at first, but froze and watched in horror as her full, red lips engulfed the tip of the stick.

To any other normal, red-blooded, heterosexual male, they would have watched her _lips_ and not have cared that she was eating the _wrong _end, and starting at the biscuit part, instead of the chocolate bit.

But Naruto was not normal, so...

He watched, unblinkingly as she kept consuming sticks, all beginning at the non-dipped ends.

"So...Naru?"

He did not reply, only stared.

"Isn't it a crazy coincidence that both of our favorite colors are orange?"

Still no reply.

She munches on more of the biscuit-like cookies, and watches the sunset.

"I think it's nice that we have alot in common, don't you think so?"

No rebuttal.

_Munch. _

A beryl eye twitches.

_Munch. _

"That just gives us even more to talk about, ne, Naru?"

_Crunch. _

No answer.

"The winter's approaching soon, but I love to watch the sunset. Don't you? It's beautiful, right?"

_Crunch. _

"This is the best type of weather too, don't you think? Not too cold, not too warm? It's perfect!"

Still nothing.

_Munch, crunch. _

"Oh, hey, did you catch the MTV Japan Awards last night? My favorite singer, Miliyah Kato won an award! Isn't that great?"

_Crunch, crunch, crunch..._

"She sings that song, you know..."

_Munch. _

"What's the name of it... erm..."

_Munch, munch. _

"Uh..."_  
_

_Munch..._

"Sensation! That's the name of it! Such a good song!" _  
_

_BIG crunch.  
_

"Have you heard of it, Naru-" _  
_

_"**OHMYGAWD, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!**"  
_

Karui stares, now immensely desensitized to his random outbursts. "What's the matter-"

"**You**!" Naruto hollers, pointing a finger at her. "That's not how you _fucking _eat pocky, and you know it, dattebayo!" On the verge of angry tears, Naruto jumps up, and takes off running, all the while screeching at the top of his lungs, much like a child after they drop an ice-cream cone.

It is thirty minutes when he stops, and heaves for air, now angry at himself. "What the fuck?! I thought she was absolutely perfect! she can make good ramen, likes orange, and is nice to look at! But it turns out, she can't even eat pocky right! What the hell is wrong with her? And _me_! Every time I think I've found the perfect girl, there's always something wrong with them that I just can't deal with... I mean for fuck's sake, _everyone _knows that you're supposed to eat the dipped parts first!"

Sighing, he straightens. "I don't even feel like going back there, like, seriously..." He turns his head to the direction in which he had ran from (screaming like a little girl) Alas, Karui had drove him out here, and it was a at least a three mile walk back.

"What would the teme do...?" Ends up escaping his lips, before he even realizes it, then scowls. "He'll probably call that long haired son of a bitch, and be all like..." Naruto then deepens his voice to a baritone. "_Yo, bitch, come pick me up', _and then Hyuuga will be all like..." His voice then lightens to a horrid imitation of a flamboyant male's voice. "_Oh, of course, Sasuke-dear! What would you like with that? A Marvin Gaye CD? The Mona Lisa, maybe? A **blow**__** job**__? Whatever you want, I'll do it coz I'm a much better friend that that blonde of yours!_"

Seeing how making fun of both bastards, once again, was not fun, since they were not here. Sighing hard, he begins trudging back to his now 'simpleton' girlfriend.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

_"The jig is up, the news is out,  
They finally found me,  
The renegade who had it made,  
Retrieved for a bounty..._

_Never more to go astray,  
This'll be the end today,  
Of the wanted man..."_

"Alright, minna! Gather around, I have the drinks!"

The circle gathers around Itachi's spacious table, and each delicately finger out their poison in the form of cooled glasses.

Deidara smirks into his whiskey. "What's up, Sasori-danna, un? I've been in Paris making millions off my art-work and sitting back and getting richer, _as usual_. How's your un-cultured, Japan-based life coming along?, I just learned Romanian by the way..."

Sasori snorts at the fatuous tone. "How about you _get _a real job, then come talk to me, little boy? Or, how about you come down to my office, and I'll fix you up good. Make you look like a real man, like how you're supposed to..."

Kisame barks out a laugh as both millionaires begin to engage in verbal hostilities. "C'mon, guys, we're all friends here."

The baby-faced redhead narrows his eyes at the navy haired male. "This..._thing _is not my friend. I have come only for you, Itachi, Konan, and their daughter... His company is highly unwarranted, and I wish he'd just leave..."

Deidara scowls. "You're just mad because _my_ sister is fucking _your_ sister... I wish you'd just get over it, un. I did. If your little princess prefers the taco, then it's her problem..."

Kisame crosses his overly-muscular arms, and leans back, grinning. "How _are _Sakura-chan, and Ino-chan doing anyways?"

Sasori looks away, haughtily. "Still together, unfortunately. Do you know, my darling little sister had the _nerve _to beg me to perform a sex change on her, so she can legally _marry _that tramp? I guess the blonde's stupidity is rubbing off on her."

The blonde bares his teeth. "Don't talk about Ino like that, you stupid fucking-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, can you two just fuck and get it over with? The sexual tension is fucking suffocating!"

Kyuubi, Itachi, and Konan arrive, and the bronze skinned man swipes at a Jack Daniels. Deidara huffs at the offending comment from Kyuubi, and returns to his drink.

"How have you all been? It has been a while, has it not?" Konan courteously asks, scratching at where her labaret piercing used to boldly glitter, and folds her legs. She used to be a punk rocker's wet dream, until she had a kid and grew up, now the only thing that adorns her are long sundresses and hair clips.

Itachi clinks his glass with Kisame. "Let us be quick with this class reunion, yes? My daughter is finally sleeping, and until you all have hyper eight-year-olds constantly wanting to 'bond' and blue haired wives breathing down your neck, your schedule will never be as rampageous as I..."

Kyuubi burps obnoxiously, and Kisame grins big. "I could have _sworn _you were gay..." The navy haired male suddenly says.

Deidara stares at the dark-skinned, tattooed male in awe. "Holy shit! I thought I was the only one who thought that, un!"

Sasori looks up. "I almost sworn Itachi was homosexual as well..."

"Hell, I'm married to him..." Konan snorts, ungracefully. "...And I thought he was gay, too..."

"Fuck it, I _still _think he is!" Kyuubi chirps in.

Sighing tiredly, Itachi sips at his red wine, while his high school friends erupt in a bagarre about his sexual orientation.

Why the fuck he decided to invite these unpleasant, vulgar assholes, he had no idea.

Maybe it was his wife.

She did have a tendency to pussy-whip him into doing things against his will.

In misery, he lets his mind wander to far more endearing things, like hanging himself at this very damned moment.

All he'd have to do is excuse himself...

Damn, that wouldn't work, because Konan and Itanan would probably force their ways into the afterlife to drag him back onto Earth.

Fuck...

He then wonders how his dearest baby brother is doing, but suddenly remembers a certain loud, nude blonde, and then smirks, all knowingly again.

At least Sasuke was having a good time.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

_"Follow me now and you will not regret,  
Leaving the life you led before we met,  
You are the first to have this love of mine,  
Forever with me 'till the end of time,_

_Your love for me has just got to be real...  
Before you know the way I'm going to feel...  
I'm going to feel...  
I'm going to feel..."_

"I...am having **_such_ **a bad fucking time..." Sasuke groans, slamming his head repeatedly onto his desk, opened textbooks scattered around his hair. "Who even _uses_ Latin as a language anymore?! Fffuuuuu-"

"Sasuke-teme!"

"As if my day couldn't get fucking _worse_..." The Uchiha sighs, rising, he reaches the living room window, and looks out.

"What, dobe?" He growls down to the smiling male.

"Come outside, teme! We're going on an adventure!"

The skeptical male raises a brow. "An adventure? For fuck's sake, what are you, _five_?"

The scowl on the blonde's face sends him fighting off a smile. "Just come down here, you asshole!"

Sighing for the sixtieth time today, Sasuke walks to the front door, slips on shoes and a jacket, and walks downstairs.

When he reaches the blonde, his eyes roam upon the orange contraption. "What the fuck is that?"

Huffing, the blonde responds. "It's my scooter, and it's the sexiest thing since sex! Don't be a dick, teme! Now put this on!" The blue eyed male tosses the eyebrow raising raven a royal blue, open helmet. With atletically inclined reflex, Sasuke catches it and stares at it in distaste. "How are we going on this... _adventure_, Usurantonkachi?"

The affable blonde smiles. "We're going on Gama! Duhhhhh! Now get on!"

The apprehension deepens further. "How?"

Cerulean eyes twinkle in elation. "It's a two-seater!"

The taller male fails to return the jubilant sentiment. "And why would you buy that two-seating detritus?"

Suddenly hurt by the callous tone, Naruto looks away, abashedly biting at his bottom lip.

"I bought it for _us_..."

Discounting the sudden bombardier of perverse thoughts at watching pearly teeth nip lightly at rose lips, Sasuke immediately feels guilt.

Placing the repulsive thing onto his head, he walks past the now shocked blonde and sits on the edge of the motor vehicle's seat. "Well? Are we going?"

A small, gratified smile is on the tanned boy's lips, and placing on his neon orange, open helmet, and matching goggles and hopping in the front.

With several kick-starts, the vehicle boots to life, and Sasuke then places his arms tight around the dobe's weight, not trusting this piece of shit contraption to stay in tact, even for a moment. Hell, at least if he went, the blonde would go down with him.

With a slight stuttering purr, the orange thing zooms them around the corner and into the street..

Or at least as fast as a cheap, bullshit moped could take them.

A half hour into cruising down the streets, before they know it, they are in the Shinjuku region of Konoha.

Bad choice.

Bevies of teenagers, younger and older, swarm the streets. The teens, girls especially, gaze upon the flamboyant, eye-melting clash of orange and blue, one elated, glowing face, and one miserable, 'please just kill me' look. The young girls begin to giggle, and point, their excited voices lowered to hushed tones.

By now, every walking patron is boldly goggling at the eccentric looking, disparate pair and do nothing to hide it.

"We're being stared at..." Sasuke sighs, averting his eyes from the overly watchful brigade of stares.

"Ahhhh, let them." The blonde chirps, the speeding winds feeling like heaven across his face.

"Do you even know where we're going, dobe...?" The unhappy Uchiha grumbles, and is met with a mischievous smirk.

"Yup... we should be passing her by at _any _moment now..."

The raven rose a brow. "_Her_?"

And then Sasuke sees it, a flash of dyed red, bleached platinum, and natural ginger hair.

Karin walks, in all of her belly-shirt, short short, and hooker boots wearing glory, her scantily clad body turned towards the Uchiha's eye-rolling _other _best friend, Suigetsu, and his confidant, elder friend, Juugo.

Naruto digs in the side of his pocket, all the while keeping the semi-speeding scooter steady, and when he finds what he has been looking for, waits for the moment that he flies by the unaware, bespectacled girl, and leans over to empty his entire bottle of water onto his red haired kin's head and chest. And considering she had just literally departed from a hair salon, she was definitely more than pissed.

"Naruto! You stupid fucking _idiot_! Why in the fucking hell did you do that?!" Karin screeches in anger, pulling off her glasses and whacking a laughing Suigetsu hard in misplaced peeve.

"That's what you get for pouring flour on me while I was in the shower, you bitch! Besides, it's not like you're not used to liquids down your face! Suck on that, whore!" The blonde cackles impishly, and even Sasuke finds a chuckle escaping him.

"Where to now, Maniac McGee?" Sasuke snorts, and a philologist expression meets the blonde's face. "Er... the music store again?"

An eyeroll. "We don't have the same musical tastes, dobe..."

A soft smile finds the tanned face. "Doesn't matter, 'ttebayo. I know you like going there, so that's where we'll go... besides... you can always teach me to like it, Sasuke..."

Once again, the dark haired companion is left without words.

En route to their destination, a certain long haired prick is seen exiting a bookstore.

Fucking perfect.

When his eyes meet the blonde's giddy ocean blue, they harden to uncut crystals.

A candy pink tongue darts out to blow at the scowling, older male, and Naruto, in ascendancy, he looks back at the oblivious raven behind him, which, in a way, he admits, is sort of like a prize he won, and refuses to share with anyone else.

That, and it was hi-fucking-larious seeing Neji brew in his own anger.

Suck on that...

_Asshole..._

* * *

#$%&

* * *

_**AN**_: Aaaaaaannnnnndddddd, I am done! Not a bad update for such a lazy girl, right? Yes? Yes!

I actually like this chapter, and if you don't then, well... I'll cry about it in private!

(1): MCT Japan: The MCT is an international Marketing recruitment business, and in college, with all graduate degree careers (Like Doctor, Lawyer, Psychologist, Engineer) Companies from around the world visit the top of the class students, give them interviews while they are still in college, and offer internships and jobs right when the students graduate. In order to get this though, you have to be at the top of the class and probably attend an Ivy league, I dunno. I haven't experienced it yet._**  
**_

(2): I think I have another footnote, but I'm too lazy to look for it. Sue me!_**  
**_

_**Chapter**** Playlist**_:

The group at the recreational University area: "Masquerade" by Hyde. (Yes! Actual Japanese music!)

The grouping at Itachi's house: "Renegade" by Styx

Sasuke going nuts while studying: "N.I.B" by Black Sabbath

* * *

Oh, uhm! Yeah, for the humor in this! I didn't really try too hard to be funny, so if you don't laugh at anything, I'll understand... :-(

Do any of you like Kyuubi in this? Or the Saso/Dei interaction? You have to let me know, guys, or else, I won't write them in anymore.

To avoid keep on repeating myself in my fic, I'm just going to say who majors in what here, because it gets annoying having to keep bringing it up:

**Ino**: Fashion Designer. Pretty obvious. **Sakura**: Medical Doctor. Even more obvious. **Kiba**: Veterenarian. Way too obvious.

**Sasuke**: International Business Consultant. Just pulled that one from my butt, I'm afraid, lol .

**Gaara**: Clinical Psychologist. **Neji**: Lawyer. **Naruto**: Errr... Let's just say a teacher. **Itachi**: Is a lawyer.

**Deidara**: Artist. **Sasori**: Plastic Surgeon. **Kisame**: Uhh... For you to fill out, I guess... **Kyuubi**: Engineer.

* * *

And as for the Naru/Karin beef, I kinda have that in real life with my younger cousin, so I thought it would add to the humor in this fic by adding some real life experiences in here.

By the way, my fellow career kids! Is there anyone out there that is going to have to go to grad school in order to persue their career? (I.e. doctor, engineer, lawyer, psychologist, business executive?) If so, we can bond while crying at our soon to be empty wallets! :D

_**Reviewer Question**_: Besides the SasuNaru in this fic, what OTHER couples do you all fancy? Or rather, what couple would you LIKE to happen in this fic? Please provide why! Seriously, I'm like, lost without any reviews giving me slight direction...

Poor (gay) Itachi. I know the feels, bro. (Actually, I don't, but I'm trying to be nice here...)

And did the Neji/Naru faceoff thing shock you guys? Sorry, but I need a slight scuffle here in order to help the plot!

And DON'T MAKE FUN OF THE SCOOTER. I plan to get one when I have the money, so don't judge...

P.S.: About the pocky thing, trolololol, I just couldn't resist putting that bit in. I actually seen someone eat a pizza crust-first and I'm all like "AWMYGAWD, THAT'S NOT HOW YOU EAT IT!" It's not meant to offend anyone with special quirks such as that, just meant for humor :)

Anyways, reviewwwww. Because if no one does, this shit's getting canned and sent straight to the recycle bin! And I mean it! *tries an angry face*

See you next time! (Or maybe not, it's up to the reviews...)

Ja Ne!

_-SicklePickle_


	5. Sad News

Sad news, minna.

Chevvy (or Sickle of SicklePickle) has left ff.

Between the stress of law school and internships, I can only imagine the stress she has to face.

There's a silver lining, however, because her college buddy, Zxylem (the creator of Narcissist Diaries, a very popular fic, that was deleted) has to decided to fill in for the role.

We hope you all stick with this until the end.

Ja Ne!

-Cass/Pickle


	6. Fifth Go

How do you do? ;-) I'm here with Act V of Friends With Benefits.**  
**

Bonjour ;-)

Anyhoo, Pickle filled me on the plot, and I must say I am liking the way this is progressing, and I hope to keep this lighthearted and hilarious as possible. I don't have a dictionary around, and I haven't been anywhere near a GRE, so I won't sound like a thesaurus with boobs, like Chevvy. (Sorry, Chevs, I love you :-*)

For those who are confused by the roles of Sickle and Pickle, here is how it goes:

Chevvy: Lemon writer, and edits every bit of each chapter to sound nice and fancy.

Cass/Pickle: Creator of plot, typer, most jokes, and types up the (rather crappy, in her opinion) rough draft. If you think the mistakes in it is bad now, you should have seen it pre-Chev edit.

Me/Sickle: Comes up with the storyline for each and every chapter, pairings, fights, arguments, and twists and turns. It makes sense since I'm the only one with ff story experience. (I had written Narcissist Diaries, a SasuNaru fic that was pretty damn popular, but was deleted due to explicit language and lemons. If you're a fan of my work, you can PM me to request re-uploading it :-)

**May, 9th. 2013: Edit: Some grammatical corrections fixed. Ignore if there's any more!**

**Disclaimer**: No. Just no.

**Rating** : M

**Warnings**: Contains strong language, awkward sex, humor, Sasuke being a prick, sex, dry humor, awkward budding romance, sex, more humor, and even more sex.

**Friends With Benefits~***

**Summary** : Romantically retarded Sasuke and Naruto both realized that sex without emotions involved was the perfect way to not deal with with the stress of dating. So they are now both determined to accomplish this... with each other. SasuNaru. AU. Humor.

**Chapter Warning:** Douchey characters, heartbreak, humor, arguing, fighting, love triangles/rectangles/pentagons, yaoi, shoujou-ai, het, and a bunch of complicated-ness. Not necessarily all in that order.

**Also, a surprise twist towards the end of the chapter! :-O**

* * *

**Song Listening Inspiration For Sasuke: **"Part Heart" by Kate Nash

_"And part of me is living_  
_And part of me is dead_  
_And the part of my heart_  
_Where you're still lying, it fled_

_And it doesn't matter  
__How much I have to drink  
__I still feel the same,_

_And it doesn't matter_  
_ How loud I play my music_  
_ I still feel the same  
_  
_ And it doesn't matter_  
_ What my good friends tell me_  
_ I still feel the same  
_  
_ And it doesn't matter_  
_ How much I hurt myself_  
_ I still feel the same_  
_ And it doesn't matter  
_  
_ No,_  
_ It doesn't matter_  
_ Cause I still feel the same_

* * *

**Not Beta'd** : Ignore the grammatical errors, please!

* * *

**Fifth Go**: Bizarre Love Rectangle

* * *

#$%&

* * *

Once upon a time, it was just something horrid that they all had heard of. However, it was so far away at the time, that the danger of its entirety did not register until the day of. Seasons passed, and it was now nearing spring.

Which meant only one thing.

Final exams.

_Day damn one..._ One not-so godlike raven grumbles to himself. _Day damn fucking one... _

Textbooks fluttered around his colorless hands, and his eyes flickered after every tiny font printed onto the bible-thick pages.

He sat, his legs perched at an awkward angle as studying material were placed upon each knee, while his counterparts sat across from him. Unlike them, he was the only one with a half a million yen's worth of books stacked in a laundry-pile in front of him, especially since it took of half of the usually spacious library table.

This was the worst he had ever felt, he thinks. Not even on his thirteenth birthday when Itachi had gotten him a rattlesnake with a bow around its neck as a present, only to disappear from its tank in the middle of the night, could ever compare to this.

It was simple.

Shit just got real.

Two years ago, he had made a deal with his father; pass his final exams every year with flying colors, and he would continue allowing Sasuke to attend Konoha Uni. If Sasuke were to mess up, however, and his grades were to slip, he'd have to fuck off back to Oto, and attend Hebi, while Uchiha senior would then proceed breathe down his neck for the rest of his days.

And said raven was convinced his father would outlive him.

At first, his sophomore year's bi-yearly grades seemed imminently bright, or at least it was, however, until Temari got knocked up six months ago.

That, and his relationship with Naruto had..._changed_.

His focus on everything was shot with a bebe gun with a bullet the size of a small country.

Now here he was, deprived of sleep once again, eyes unblinking and burning with fatigue, sluggish movements, and surrounded with the clamor of freshman girls' grape lip-glossed mouths blabbing about the cost in which their extensions had come, and which member of the GazettE was the most attractive.

His brittle, ungroomed nails tapped against the wooden surface compulsively, determined to keep a hold of at least enough sanity to recite the next sentence into Swedish.

"Oh gosh, it should be against the law to be that hot..."

"Seriously... he's so cute... it's almost hurts to look at him!"

"I wonder what he's like in bed-"

"Oh em _gee! _Moegi, shh! Sasuke-kun's right next to us! What if he hears you?"

"Don't play innocent, you _know _you were thinking it, like totally!"

"Well, _yeah, _but you, like, totally said it-"

And with that, the last of his sanctuary of rationality was nuked in the form of high pitched squealing and tossed in, horrifically accented English. The raven's slim hands came down hard on the table, and rang out in the library like gunshots. With eyes ablaze with weariness and misplaced fury, he turns his head slowly towards the ditzy pair.

"Shut that cunt's **_damn _**mouth, before I go over there and fuck it." He barks suddenly, and if the duo didn't disquiet before, they did now. With a long, nervous gulp, the two young girls scurry away like skittish rodents.

"_What_?" He growls at his slack-jawed companions, behind his limp, unwashed, fringe of locks. The startled, almost frightened eyes start to narrow.

"Dude..." Kiba starts. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you? They weren't even that loud. I get that final exams are stressing, but you're starting to scare us, man." Ino, Hinata and Sakura nod frantically in agreement, all the while Gaara watches with caution.

Sasuke, by now, looks like he's in need of an exorcism.

But instead of his head spinning around, he leans forward, and sees a flash of nervousness in Kiba's now fidgety form.

"Shut. _**Up**_..." He hisses suddenly, and Kiba gaps when his friend's ire is cast towards him instead. He casts his agitated eyes towards the others. "You shut up." To Ino and Sakura. "And you shut up." Then to Gaara. "You don't even **_talk_**, but shut up." Turning around, he bares his teeth. "_**Everybody**_, shut the fuck _up_!" When the library is now dead quiet, he then slumps onto the table, and rests his head onto his open palms. "God, I **_hate_ **college!"

It is when Hinata's soft, delicate hand rests on his shoulder, that he swats it away, growing anxious and irritable again. "No, don't _touch _me." He rises and tosses all of his textbooks into his duffel bag, and drags his eyes over his friends once more. With that, he hauls the heavy bag over his shoulders, and storms off, ignoring Hinata's soft protests, and Kiba's negotiations.

His future is rested on the score of these exams. If he were to get a less than 'flawless' score, every language he learned, every class he pulled allnighters for, all of the irreplaceable bonds he formed, would all be for nothing.

His father would take all of it away, and he would never be able to get it back.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

A bowl of tomato bulgur soup, and a jar of caffeine later, Sasuke was less homicidal, but alas, his fellow students that caught wind of the Uchiha close to going postal on everyone in the study hall, and still avoided him as if he were the bubonic plague itself. It was strange to walk down a hallway without giving nods to acquaintances and female admirers, but he supposed he couldn't complain.

However, it is when he catches a flash of silver-grey, a groan bubbles up in his throat. He can't get away, and a single, crinkled eye twinkles when it finds him. Halting his steps, he watches with apathy when he is approached by the owner of the eye.

It is every university student's dream to befriend a cool, laid-back professor, and Hatake Kakashi was very much every bit of that. The tall, slouching, older male was officially the mediator of Sasuke and his father, and unofficially Sasuke's drinking buddy.

"Ahh, 'Su-chan, my dry-witted, pouty-lipped friend. How is life coming along?"

Sasuke responds with a tight smirk. "A lot like yours, really, but much less tragic, because I actually get to _sleep _with the female students here."

Kakashi responds by rubbing at his chin, a thoughtful expression on his scarf covered face. "Hmm... very dry... very witty... _not_ a great friend."

His single, uncovered eye then grows serious. "All tastefully done sarcasm aside, I have some things to share with you."

Sasuke's own eyes grow hard. "You said that same damn thing about that 'must see' internet video with the two girls and the leeches. I couldn't look any woman in the eyes for a week after that."

And that damn smile again. "Yes, wasn't it disturbingly astounding? But it's about matters more pertaining to you, or rather... your other half."

An eyebrow raises.

His _other_ half?

Temari was supposed to have pissed off back to Suna by now...

Oh, wait...

His _other_ other half.

A sigh leaves Sasuke boneless. "What did the dobe do now?"

The silver haired man looked taken aback for a moment. "Surprisingly, nothing. I just would like to know why he's allowing his heart to be used for a rouse to achieve a high project grade."

It's now the raven's turn to share the puzzled look. "Come again?"

Kakashi starts. "My green jumpsuit-wearing best friend, who teaches sociology at Kumo University-"

"Wait-you have _friends_?-"

"**_Told me_**" Kakashi chirps over the underhanded comment. "That one particular student, for her outdoor, environmental sociological thesis, records a day to day log of _'dating'_ a certain blonde that does not, hmm, how you say... _prefer the taco_..."

For once, Sasuke's devil-may-care, insouciant character crackles, and a "Wait, _what_?" chalk full of surprise, much to Kakashi's amusement.

The raven's dark eyes look down at his Earl Grey, and does so unblinkingly, now convinced that his older friend was in fact, never here, and the hot girl working the register had put so much LSD in his cup, that everyone at Woodstock '69 would sell the minuscule remainder of their brain cells to get some.

"There's nothing wrong with your tea, Sasuke. What you're hearing is correct. She has been posing as his girlfriend for the last few months. She doesn't even believe the boy is _straight_. You need to fix this."

"The hell am I supposed to do?" Sasuke glares, and takes swing of the over-caffeinated drink.

"This is a long, deep road of heartbreak he is trudging down, 'Su-chan... _alone. _And if you two are as close as I'd like to think the two of you are-"

_Technically speaking... the only time we're ever even 'close' anymore is when my cock is in his guts-_

"And he really seems to really be falling hard for this girl-"

_Obviously not falling hard enough, considering he's kissing her shortly after his mouth's been on my-_

"Save him the hurt, Sasuke. _Really_..."

For a moment, not one eye(s) broke contact with the other.

Rolling his eyes in annoyace, Sasuke accepts defeat, quietly. "**_Fine_**, goddamn it. Fucking hell..."

And then the single eye curls up in jubilance. "That's the spirit. What time are your classes over?"

"...Four."

Not stirred by the lack of returned sediment, he responds back. "Great. We'll go out for drinks. I'll buy."

Without replying, Sasuke swiftly turns, now dreading how exactly he was going to tell the dobe how his girlfriend, who wasn't smart enough to eat pocky the right way, but still managed to be on the dean's list, wasn't really with him, and wasn't 'shy', just never touched him because she thought he was gay.

"Oh, and Sasuke?"

Looking over his shoulder, he looks at his elder friend with an impatient stare.

The eye crinkles up again. "Can you also be a doll, and tell your blonde friend that he's also failing my class?"

The middle finger Kakashi is met with sends him chuckling.

And once again, he is cruising throughout the hallway. Where to? Probably back to his apartment, anxiety of not performing well (or rather as well as he should) on his final exams, what to get Itachi's daughter for her birthday, and dealing with a certain fair haired dumbass, left him unable to think straight. What he needed was a long, hot shower and the Del-vikings on full volume splitting throughout his skull.

But of course, fate had another plan for him, and before he could reach the immaculate beauty that was the 'exit' door, a rather chubby hand grabbed onto his wrist and turned him around.

Black eyes widen.

_Son of a bitch on her period_...

"Damn, just when I thought clichés were a farce..." Sasuke groans.

A frowning Temari looks up at him, unflinching. A very pregnant, maternity sun-dress wearing Temari, but Temari nonetheless.

"What is this, 'Let's All Fuck The Uchiha Over' day?" He seethes.

Teal eyes glitter a little. "No, that's on the twenty-seventh."

Despite being forty thousand types of pissed off now, Sasuke allows a smile to grace his face. It was a lot of things he didn't like about this... _whatever _it was, but for some reason, Temari's sharp wit always brightened everything.

She stares smugly at the smile, and returns it, yet it lessens when the still upturn-lipped raven turns to keep walking. Holding onto her protruding unborn, she paces after him.

"Are you really going to make me chase after you?" She huffs, her swollen ankles doing nothing to assist her in keeping up with her ex-beau.

"Don't do that." Sasuke barks, at her. "If you hurt my child in any damn way, Temari, I swear to God I'm going to f-"

"There's no guarantee it's yours!" She says.

"You know, saying that only makes _you _look bad, not me." He counters, harshly, but slows down his stride for her.

She sighs, and calms her steps. "Okay, okay. I get it, you're still mad. But Sasuke, what's done is done, and even if I could change what happened, I wouldn't. I just wish you'd stop pouting about it so we can just get back together and put this... _unfortunate circumstance _behind us."

Glancing over, he gives her a dry look. "You do know... that this type of relationship is unhealthy, right? And about getting back together... go on."

He sees a flash of pleasant surprise in her eyes, and he knows that he's leading her on, but he needed clarity and finality, instead of dragging on this silly game.

"Well, we'll get back together, and you know... leave to Suna, and raise our child-"

"And no more Nara?"

Ah, and there it was, the stiffening, the look of hesitation.

"Er... well..."

"_Seriously?_" Sasuke asks up at the sky. Did he or Nara accidentally fuck the common sense out of her head?

But this needed to be dealt with. No more of her stalking, and no more of his walking away.

This had to end.

_Today_.

"First off..." Sasuke starts, glowering down at her. "I don't _share._**_ ever_**. And second off, who the hell would? This is _not_ a three way relationship, Temari, I'm not going to start fucking Nara. I don't even _like_ him-"

"You can _learn _to..." She stresses, pleadingly through gritted teeth. "It's not **_fun_** being in love with someone like you, Sasuke. Let alone you _and _him. I just wish you'd understand that..."

Unflinching, Sasuke responds in a cold, detached tone. "Yes, well... that's very touching. However, I'm not dating Nara, no matter what you say, or _you_ for that matter. Goodbye, Temari. The only time I want to see you now... is when you rip _my _child from where _my _cock used to be every night. Sayonara."

Without looking back at her welling eyes, he turns, now mentally exhausted.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

When Sasuke _does _return home, he kicks off his heavy, costly combat boots, and wanders silently down his hallway. Upon entry, he spots blonde spikes and a crimson ponytail, and heaves out a quiet sigh.

"So, it begins..." He mutters, grudgingly.

Both seemed to be heavily into the music video they were watching, popcorn littered around their careless laps, as they gushed on about it.

"I _love _this song." Karui hums, as she watches the tall, lanky male with messier hair than Naruto's own, sing while walking and causing problems for others in the background, uncaringly.

"So do I. But seriously, awesome song or not, if that guy _ever _bumped into me like that, I'd totally kick his ass, dattebayo."

"I'd never let him even _think_ about it, Naru!"

"Man, Karui-chan, you're my hero!"

A laughter is shared between the two.

And Sasuke feels a little sick inside.

Deciding that this 'pretender's game' should end, he makes his appearance known.

When he leans one leg against the wall, his foot intentionally bangs loudly against the wall, and the dobe's previously distracted eyes meet his through the low light of the living room. "Oh! Teme, you're home! Awesome. Now I can properly introduce you guys, 'ttebayo!" Jumping up ecstatically, he unconsciously, yet roughly drags the girl off of the couch and over to the silent raven. Naruto then proceeds to obnoxiously point to the both of them.

"Karui-chan, this is my best friend, Sasuke-teme. Sasuke-teme this is Karui-cha-"

"That's nice." Sasuke deadpans, dismissively, inwardly wincing a bit when the dobe's bright grin crackles off, still, he faces the dobe's 'girlfriend', a weird annoyance bubbling within when he sets his eyes upon the frauding woman's form.

"Listen, _sweetheart." _The Uchiha starts, stretching the usual term of endearment into a long twist of cyanide and acid. "The signer of this apartment's lease wishes to speak to the _other _signer of this apartment's lease. _Alone_. And if you can understand basic Japanese, then you should fathom that being the dobe and I. So, do us both a favor, and jog around the block for a while-"

Naruto gaps at him suddenly, where the fuck did that just come from? The teme was always nice- or rather, was always respectful when it came down to meeting new people, but suddenly, the girl he's actually _proud _to show off, now is being shunned.

"Ehehe, teme. _Why_ are you being such an asshole?" Naruto whispered, acridly to him, but the other's unfeeling, charcoal eyes don't leave the surprised girl.

"Is your hearing going?" Sasuke says, bitingly. "Fuck _off. _To the grocery store, or Kumo, or hell-wherever. Preferably somewhere with a lot of water, and no lifeguards-"

"_Sasuke_!" Naruto yelps, scandalized. He'd told the Uchiha about the girl's phobia of drowning, in confidence that he'd never use it against her.

When did he step into the twilight zone?

The Sasuke he knew would never speak like this to anyone.

Okay, maybe Itachi, but never to someone he has just met.

"N-No. It's fine. I'll just go." Karui speaks up, her voice cracking with anxiety and on the verge of tears.

"But Karui... what about our movie? It's about to come on..." Naruto asks, weakly, his bottom lip jutting out.

Both she and the raven look away, for the same reasons.

"I'll just... I'll come back. You and... _Sasuke _need to talk, so um, try not to miss me, okay?" She offers, with a weak smile, and presses a chaste kiss to his cheek.

"Oh, he won't." Sasuke snorts, before the blonde can even open his mouth. "Not after this conversation, that is..."

Though, those last words were low and inaudible.

When the redhead awkwardly twists behind Sasuke to reach the door, her eyes are down the entire time, and stays that way until she closes the door.

When the door closes, Naruto turns and quickly fixes the raven with a glare of vehemence.

The look is sudden, and sends Sasuke frowning.

"What the **_fuck_ **is wrong with you, teme? Are you on your period or something!? You just ran my girlfriend out of the house, almost in tears!"

The raven has to bite his tongue from making a comment, like how he can't be compared to a female in _anything_, especially considering...

Fuck it.

He did, however, grow a bad taste in the back of his mouth when said dumbass referred to the red haired _thing _as his girlfriend.

He'd take the blonde's insults any day, just...

Not that.

Not that _word_.

"Yes, about that..." Sasuke drawls, fully confident in how this is going to end; he tells the blonde, the blonde cries, breaks up with the wench, and he listens to the blonde's bitching about it until the morning, whereas everything then returns back to normal.

Lather, rinse, re-fucking-peat.

The blonde's ire dies a little. "What do you mean?" Big blues stare up, expectingly and Sasuke pictures himself killing Kakashi three thousand different ways for putting him through this.

"Dobe. She's using you. You are not her boyfriend, you are her social experiment."

Short, sweet/callous, and to the point.

When he expects his confidant to burst into tears, he is more than perplexed when Naruto bursts into laughter instead.

"What?" Naruto gasps out, while clutching his stomach. "When'd you get a sense of humor, teme?"

"Never had one, I'm afraid." Sasuke replies, eyes narrowing. "I'm not fucking around, really. Laugh all you want, it doesn't make it less glaringly obvious, Usurantonkachi."

The laughs die down, and previously grinning lips thin. "Alright, I don't understand what you're talking about, asshole. You _know _I don't understand prick-language, so you're gonna have to simplify it, or whatever."

A long, exasperated sigh escapes from the raven's body.

Fucking Kakashi, man. **_Fucking_** Kakashi...

"You are the test subject, with the headline 'Chilling with queers'. She's not really your girlfriend, you're just a grade."

"Where'd you hear that from?" Naruto asks, with a raised brow. Still, far too calm for the raven's liking.

"Kakashi-"

_"That_ old perv? This is the same guy that told me that if I eat seven bowls of ramen a day, I'd die from obesity, and look at me!"

"Dobe..." Sasuke stresses. "We've known him since we were twelve... he would _never _lie to us..."

A roll of blue eyes. "Yeah, so you say..."

Sasuke decided he did not like this, the denial. It wasn't Naruto.

Being around that conniving harlot had shaped him, into something Sasuke did not like. Eye rolling, sarcasm and doubting the truth of someone he'd known for years was never apart of the blue eyed boy's character, before now.

Sasuke then realizes that he now hates Karui with all of his fucking heart.

"Have you two fucked yet?" He asks, lips thinned to a line.

Like the dark eyed male expected, an appalled gasp came from the blonde, followed by sputtering.

"N-no... we're t-totally waiting for our one year anniversary-"

"Second base?" Sasuke presses.

"N-"

"First base?"

"W-well-"

"Have you even _held hands_ yet?" Sasuke demands, the stupidity and naivety of the boy in front of him giving him a massive headache.

"She's just shy!" Naruto almost shrieks.

"How the hell can she be _shy_, dobe?! She's not even a virgin!"

"It's completely possible, goddammit!"

"Like hell it is! Stop being stupid, and face the facts! She's never touched you because she doesn't want to offend a homosexual! Which is **_you_**!"

"Stop saying that! Karui loves me!"

"She loves you for the good fucking grade she's going to receive by the end of this semester! That's it!"

"Shut _up_, Sasuke!"

"Why are you holding on so hard?! I know you're not stupid, dobe. So why can't you just accept the truth-"

"**_Because I want to be normal_ _again_**!"

The room becomes quiescent, and both eyes are wide at the last spoken words.

The raven finds his voice first, he was never the type to become stunned. "What are you talking about...?"

A tension fills the rented quarters, but Naruto does not back down.

"I just..." He starts. "I really like... _her_."

Another pause.

And sinking feelings on Sasuke's part.

"Or... maybe I don't like her, maybe, I just really _want_ a girlfriend again..."

The blonde then forces a laugh to lighten the heavy aura. "B-besides..." The blue eyed boy fumbles verbally. "I can't just keep... doing _that _with you for the rest of my life. I-I mean, hehehe, like, that'd be impossible, and not to mention, _weird. _And once me and Karui settle down, I'll just forget that _this _ever even happened-"

It is _those_ words that send Sasuke stiffening, a sharp pierce shoots through his abdomen, and it builds up in the back of his throat.

The raven cannot explain it, but it just fucking _hurts_.

And _**nothing** _is ever supposed to hurt him.

Still, he does not shout, or scream, or even throttle the idiot in front of him.

All he does is fix his face, back into the cold, detached expression he always adorns.

"And who's stopping you from doing so?" Sasuke retorts tonelessly, sending Naruto frowning.

"We are done here, Uzumaki. With _everything_..."

The sudden hurt in those eyes almost allows a spiteful smirk to grace his features, but still, no matter how much he hurts the blonde now, it won't ever matter.

Because. it. still. _hurts_.

So now, Sasuke will turn, head to the door, close it, and the room will be cold and empty.

And Naruto will still be staring at the void where his other half was supposed to be.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

When Karui returns, she rubs at her bare arms, shivering at the sudden freezing aura she was engulfed in.

Looking around, the entire house is void of any light.

Growing concerned, the red haired woman calls out to her _'friend'. _

"Naru?" She repeats a couple of more times.

She then gives up, and decides to trudge home, before she sights a crouched figure in the living room.

Shuffling blindly, she finds a lamp finally, and switches it on, immediately recognizing the person.

"Naru? It's me, Karui..." She announces, cautiously.

The redhead is met with silence.

She tries again. "N-"

"What are we to each-other, Karui-chan?"

The voice of the blonde is low, unenergetic, and riddled with exhaustion.

It catches her off guard, and she is left stuttering.

"Wh-what? I don't k-know w-"

He rises, his dull eyes finally meeting hers. "Is it true that I'm just a grade to you? That you never even thought of me as anything else but an experiment?"

Karui freezes up.

_Shit_. She shrieks to herself in her mind. _How did he find out about that?_

"Naruto..." She tries, with an anxious smile. "It's not-"

But he cuts her off. "I thought we were something together, Karui. I... I just..." A tanned hand runs through the dandelion nest of locks. "I thought you liked me..."

Her lips part to say something intelligent, but all that could escape her was "So, you're... _not _gay?"

Naruto stares unemotionally at her for a moment, and it reminds her horribly of the black haired boy from earlier.

He then turns from her. "Can you just leave? Sasuke hates me now because of you, and to be honest, I hate myself for defending you..."

Guilty tears threaten to bubble in her eyes. Fuck, she really messed up. Falling for the fair haired boy wasn't supposed to be apart of the plan, since he obviously wouldn't want her back. But hearing this, now...

Biting her lip, she looks away. "Naruto, I'm sorry..." She pleads. "But I don't think I've ever felt this way about someone before, and I really, _really _don't want to lose you."

Naruto does not respond, but after a while, turns to face her. "...No more games?" He asks, quietly.

A smile meets Karui's tear-drenched face. "Never..."

A minute goes by, before Karui embraces the blonde tightly. A sigh of relief escapes her when he slowly returns it.

"I'll fix this, Naru..." She whispers into the crook of his neck.

"And then everything will go back to normal again, right?" Naruto answers back.

Karui agrees.

Naruto does not feel better.

Both tanned hands interlock with each-other, and full, red lips lean in to meet his.

Out of more shock than reflex, he turns away.

An apologetic smile graces his face. "Just... not right now, okay?"

Obviously disappointed, the red haired woman begrudgingly nods her head.

She thinks it is because a part of him is still mad.

Truth is, it'd be weird to kiss her now with everything the way it is now...

That, and the fact that his mouth had been on a certain _part _of Sasuke not too long ago...

"We'll all be normal again, Karui-chan...we all will..." He offers, and a smile meets her face, but not her eyes.

He repeats it again, this time, almost inaudibly.

But who is he trying to convince, her, or _himself_?

* * *

#$%&

* * *

High quality, rather damn expensive boots scuffed carelessly against the ground, and the super long legs that adorned them trudged down the almost never ending pathway.

Sasuke did not know where his feet were taking him.

But he could still feel the chilling, biting, careless words of someone who was supposed to mean something to him still buzzing around his mind like angry insects.

So, _obviously _he isn't drunk enough.

Much like the movies, going to a place where people with issues of their own, and expecting empathy, and 'I know the feel, man', did not make him feel less of a loser by drowning away his angst in liquor.

But to be fair, so were they.

Anyhow, that bar did _not_ make him feel better at all.

Worse, actually.

Those fucking people and their pretentious ways, fake sympathies, and even faker bodies did nothing to quell the anger still very much swimming inside of him.

The girls, like usual, swarmed and flocked to him like moths to a flame, normally he would deal with them with apathy, or perhaps even bring one home, but...

They all had blonde hair.

Dyed darkly, like Temari...

Or shaded naturally... like the dobe.

Either way, he high-tailed out of there. Fast.

Or rather, as fast as an intoxicated rich kid can.

Futzing with his earbuds, for the first time today, he actually _listens_ to the music that pumps throughout his brain, and potentially going to lead to early age deafness later on in life.

_"__Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette,  
__A lifeless face that you'll soon forget,  
__My eyes are damp from the words you left,_

_Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.._

_And you caused it..."_

Fuck.

Anger then builds up, and with a narrowing of the eyes, his headphones are forcibly ripped from his ears by his own hands, and his cellular device is chucked into a nearby tree, the costly device shattering once it bounces, and promptly face-plants into the concrete ground.

Stopping in his steps, Sasuke's unfocused eyes then look over to it, his hazy mind making his vision blurred.

He then looks at the bottle of cheap, strong,guaranteed-to-fuck-up-your-life liquid, and puts the rest to his lips.

It burns and sifts down his throat like battery acid.

Chugging this was the equivalent of going down a slide in the summer time without water.

Horrible.

But it would help.

Eventually.

A thought of how his oh-so moral family would react if they saw him now; in the middle of the night, by himself, walking to only _fuck _knows where, and cradling a bottle of a liver-killing_ something _like it was his lifeline or something, flew by his sluggish mind, fleetingly.

Then again, he wondered if they would be more angry at what he's doing _now_, or more angry at the fact that he got Temari pregnant.

The moon beams down at him, as if to say _pull_ _yourself together, you're fucking everything up.__  
_

It is midnight, and all of the good little boys and girls were in their beds sleeping.

And here he was; lost, and drunk, and angry, and confused as to _why_, fucking _**why** _what the dobe said got to him so badly.

The blonde called him names all the time, fought with him over little, stupid things, even attacked him at times.

The annoying male always said messed up things to the raven, because he knew Sasuke would just brush it off, and not even care.

It was different this time.

It was always the blonde who spazzed out randomly, threatening to never speak to the Uchiha ever again, only to return five minutes later, because he has something awesome he has to either show him, or an epic story he has to go on about.

_This _time, Sasuke was the one who ended things.

The friendship, the almost brotherhood, and the _whatever _went between them, is ended.

And Sasuke _never _goes back on his word.

Ever.

Luckily though, he was incredibly wasted, and half of his brain was temporarily out of service.

Still though, in anger, he broke his cell phone.

His only form of communication with the world around him.

And Sasuke did not need to be sober to realize that in doing so, he is now literally _fucked._

Looking up at the rows of high-class homes, his half lidded eyes try to pin point why his braid signaled to his body to come around here.

"I'm going fucking crazy..." He sighs to himself, already craving another bottle.

He attempts to walk again, only to stop once more.

Fuck, the liquor now hits him full force, and the world around him is now spinning.

He doesn't regret it, though, because now the only thing he can think of now, is how he can possibly avoid getting projectile vomit on his clothing.

Minutes, or an hour go by, and he wakes up, sprawled out on the grass.

And he feels fucking _horrid_.

And _**still** _doesn't know where the fuck he is.

"Damn it..." Sasuke groans, clutching his head, of which a throbbing, splitting headache sears through his skull.

The sun is yet to be up, which signals it can't be any later than four a.m.

Rising, his sober mind finally takes in his surroundings.

One thing in particular.

"Oh..." The raven mumbles.

He recognizes the house now.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

In his dreams, it is the usual; money, power, all of the women he can pick and choose from at his leisure. It is true, that he has all of this now, yes, but he loves his dreams especially, because others who have none of the above dream about the same, but probably won't ever come to reach it.

He already has.

And that, in itself, is proof that his life is utterly fantastic.

So, comfortably secure in his California-king bed, Hyuuga Neji, dreams this time of finally attaining the one thing he's wanted ever since he laid eyes upon it.

However, unlike in life, he is not very successful, because a yellow blotch completely bulwarks him in doing so.

He scowls in his sleep, the Nat King Cole playing on his record player doing absolutely nothing to make his dreams any more...

Well,_ easy_.

Damn that yellow blotch.

The next time he dreamed, he would make sure to make that yellow blotch's life a living damn hell.

However, he was sure it pertained to his real life woes as well.

He wasn't sure, but even in his unconscious state, he can't help but bitterly detest the color yellow.

It was too bright, and _far_ too obnoxious.

Suddenly, a large crashing noise from his window, sends the pale eyes aflutter, and ripped from his sleep.

Sitting up, Neji then glares with crystalline eyes at the noise outside, almost as if to will it away.

It does not go away, though.

Huffing at the complete and utter disrespect, he makes a mental note to write them an angry note in the morning.

Or, better yet, get them evicted.

Yes, a much more profitable choice, indeed.

He turns to attempt to sleep again, determined to properly smite the offending yellow thing.

This time, a sizable object comes flying through the window, sending glass raining throughout the room like sharp, glittering snowflakes.

Jolting up, Neji gaps at the now bowling ball sized hole where his artfully crafted, silica glass used to be.

Rising, he stomps angrily downstairs, now determined to sue this degenerate so hard, his grandkin would feel it.

Opening the front door, he is met with darkness.

Frowning, his still sleepy eyes take in a tall, lean form propped against a tree.

He instantly recognizes the person.

Stalking quickly to the nonchalant younger male, Neji glares down at him.

"Have you lost your _mind_?! You have just propelled an object through my _window. _A simple phone call could not have sufficed?" He harshly whispers.

Sasuke says nothing, and his eyes are fixated on Neji's mouth instead.

Eventually, the Hyuuga stops, and really looks the raven haired boy over.

"Are you inebriated?" He asks, and Sasuke rolls his eyes slowly, confirming the Law student's suspicions.

"Why can't you just say 'drunk', like everyone else? You pretentious bastard..." Sasuke sighs.

"I did not exit from the security of my living quarters to be insulted, Sasuke..." Neji sniffs. "Now, come inside, and we shall talk."

When they are situated on the bed, Neji crosses his legs together. "Now, Sasuke, what are you doing in front of my home, which is about a mile away from your _own_, intoxicated, at..." A pause. "Four twenty three a.m..."

Sasuke turns his head, frigidly. and fixes the elder male a long, dry look, before answering. "I... have no idea..."

An annoyed breath leaves Neji's body. "Can you at least explain the drinking?"

Onyx eyes look away. "I'd rather not. It's pretty stupid, now that I think about it. Kind of like throwing that cement block through your window. It just made me feel better at the time..."

The Hyuuga's eyes are unblinking. "Well... do you feel any better now?"

Another sigh. "No, Neji. I _don't_. I thought that would have been obvious, judging by my complete and utter lack of sunshine and fucking rainbows above my head..."

"Well, as a future high-profile lawyer, I shall say this; communication solves everything. Now start talking, before I smite thee..."

A smirk almost touches Sasuke's lips, but it is soon gone, and he is left to think about what happened with Naruto earlier in the evening.

He would not tell Neji, though. Partly because it was unnecessary, and partly because he feared the elder's opinion.

God, he was starting to _feel _and it sucked.

Suddenly, a thought goes into his mind as his eyes take in Neji's flawless features.

It leaves him frowning.

_I must still be drunk_... he mutters inside of his head.

But, still...

Intentionally, he sprawls out, his eyes half open, and lips pursed.

From the corner of his eye, he sees ice eyes drawn to it.

"You're right... about the talking..." Sasuke starts, voice low.

"Oh?" Neji asks, half serious.

"Yes..." Sasuke answers back, purposely stretching gracefully like a cat. "Finals are approaching, and you know how those are... it is just way too stressful..."

"...Really?" The brunette replies, though his eyes are now fully on the other's form.

"Exactly." The Uchiha nods, face blank, though it is much like a circus going on in his mind right now. "I'm just very... _pent up_..."

"That sounds startlingly unhealthy, Sasuke..." Neji hums, now having to fight to keep his voice even.

Dark eyes flick up to meet the pearl tinted ones.

"I should really relieve it, shouldn't I...?"

"I agree one hundred percent..." The brunette responds.

Neither pairs of eyes leave the other.

Then almost as if time resumes, both sit up, and mouths meet.

Hard.

A battle for dominance ensues, and lips and tongue are the weapons.

Neji pushes his way on top of the other with ease, his height and weight, his advantage, while Sasuke's sharp nails dig into his skull to grapple harshly on his hair. Immediately, the shorter male's legs grow apart for the taller male to nestle in between them.

Sasuke does not take too lightly for the act of domination, and bites onto the brunette's lower lip in warning. It is disregarded, and the older male's mouth descend downward from the pale jaw, to his throat, and to the collarbone.

The rip away for a brief moment, to bring the offending shirt off of Sasuke's body. Their lips clash again, all the while, Neji's long fingers unbutton the jeans of the male below him, dragging them off, and tossing the now useless article of clothing over his shoulder.

The Hyuuga is now determined to place his mouth all over the perfect skin below him, and so he does, his nails dragging the boxers along with it.

He mouths down the well defined chest, and past the pelvis, until it reaches his targeted area.

Without further adieu, the white eyed male's mouth takes him in.

Dark eyes flutter shut, and despite himself, a small groan escapes his lips.

Fucking _hell_, Neji knew what he was doing.

His nails dig into the male's hair as his head falls into a slow, even rhythm.

A voice asks his now sober mind '_what are you doing_?'

He pushes it away, because his head hurts, but not for long, and thinking right now would be a horrible thing to do.

Pulling away, Neji claims his lips again, his hands on the underside of the Uchiha's knees, keeping them apart.

He offers something to ease the discomfort, and Sasuke rolls his eyes.

And then Neji is in, and Sasuke's legs wrap fully around his other's waist.

They occupy each-other's mouths, though the questions in his mind won't stop.

_What are you doing? _

_Stop! _

_Why are you doing this?_

_What are you trying to prove? _

_You're only hurting yourself further..._

_This isn't you..._

_Don't do this..._

Sasuke shoves the other off of him, ignores the curious glance, and shifts onto his hands and knees, his position obvious.

When it resumes, hands are planted firmly onto pale hips, and Sasuke pushes those warning thoughts away, focusing now only on the euphoria he is receiving.

It is when he is on his back again, however, after the final round...

Mid climax, Sasuke bitterly realizes why he was so upset about the dobe fiasco in the first place.

Why his heart and chest hurted worse than finding out Ino was a lesbian, or when Temari cheated on him.

Why he was so pissed when that red haired leech came into the picture, and promptly began taking his place.

Why his brother wasn't surprised to find out that they were sleeping together...

It is mid climax, when Sasuke realizes that he is in love with Uzumaki Naruto.

_Fuck_...

* * *

#$%&

* * *

"_Ino_! People are watching!" Sakura whines when her platinum haired sweetheart showers the girl with kisses over her jaw and neck. A deep blush tints at her face and accentuates the coloring of her hair.

"Don't act like you don't like it, _Sa-ku-raaa_..." She teases, wrapping an arm around the girl's thin waist.

Whimpering a little, the pink haired female then eventually gives in. "Well, alright..." Sakura whispers. "Just as long as you don't leave a... _**Ino!**_" She screeches when she takes in the bevvy of hickeys adorning her neck, and her girlfriend cackles in response.

"Oi! Go make your lesbo sex tape somewhere else! You're traumatizing my poor Hinata-chan!" Kiba barks, exasperated, covering the eyes of his overly endowed, shy girlfriend.

"Huh? Traumatizing? or... _influencing?_" Ino purrs, winking at Hinata. The girl in question's face goes alight with a red flush.

Kiba and Ino then erupt into an argument, and Gaara quietly slips in.

"Hello, everyone." He utters, his normally sleepless eyes looking extra exhausted.

Hinata notices it first. "A-are you okay, Gaara-kun?" She asks, softly, genuinely concerned.

Gaara attempts to smile. It fails. "I just-"

"Awh, man, Karui-chan, I can't believe you _really _got lost in that mall, 'ttebayo!"

"Yeah, I just couldn't find the exit, I was sooooo close to just giving up and crying!"

Wincing, the group makes way for the loud ones of the circle.

Naruto and Karui place themselves comfortably onto the benches, the redhead woman curled against his side.

It was more than awkward, or at least until Ino made the gun-to-head trigger pull, to get everyone laughing.

"Soooo, guys, how are we gonna prep for these finals? I feel like my brain is gonna explode already!" Naruto complains, flailing his arms.

"We should have this conversation when Sasuke and Neji get here..." Sakura states, giggling when Ino pokes her side.

"True that." Kiba says, running his hands through Hinata's long raven locks.

"I agree..." Karui says, cautiously, almost burying herself at Naruto's side.

"Look! There they are!" Sakura announces, pointing out the tall, lanky duo as they walked towards them.

Gaara finds himself silently scowling. "I sure hope they hurry up and walk faster. I hate being the only one here _not _in a relationship."

They all watch curiously as Neji then takes a hold of Sasuke's wrist, turning him to face him. Neji pulls out what looks like an aspirin and bottled water, and watches sternly as the raven downs both. The Hyuuga's lips move and say something, and he is then met with a roll of Sasuke's eyes, and when the younger male turns to walk, his back is met with the tree, Neji's mouth moving smoothly against his, all the while pressing himself closer.

Jaws drop, and eyes become the size of dinner plates.

"Holy... **_shit_**..." Ino says, eloquently. "I guess you really **_are_** the only single one here, Gaara...Gaara?"

Naruto is utterly oblivious, and he laughs at more of Karui's jokes.

It's not too funny, he's realized. But that's what normal couples do, they laugh at each-other's jokes.

And Naruto is determined to be as normal as possible when it comes to relationships.

It is then he notices the silent redhead male quickly leaving, and everyone else's startled, slackjawed expressions.

"You guys have some funny expressions, dattebayo." He laughs. "What's the matter? Is Lee streaking drunk again?"

He turns to see what they're all looking at, ready to take pictures of the hyperactive senior and put them on the internet again.

He is, however, met with something else.

Sasuke, pinned against a tree, his mouth ravaged by...

Neji.

Pure, white rage boils inside of him, at the thought of the light eyed bastard forcing Sasuke into doing weird stuff with him, sends him impulsively vehement.

Jumping up, his intentions are to beat the ever loving hell out of the tall male, but two angry steps in, he sights pale hands thread through long, chocolate brown tresses.

It is then it sinks in.

And all feeling has completely left him and defenestrated itself from his body.

He opens his mouth to say something, but...

Nothing.

His throat burns, his heart hammering in his chest.

It hurts.

Breathing hurts.

_Everything _hurts.

"Called it..." Kiba mutters, behind him. "Totally called it before everyone else did..."

Naruto does not see it when Karui tugs on his sweater, and looks at him in confusion. He does not hear when she and everybody else calls out to his frozen form.

But he does feel the burning of his legs when he suddenly takes off running.

Fast.

The only thing he can hear is the sound of his blood bumping in his skull, and harsh whispers in his mind chanted over and over like a mantra.

He's with someone else...

Sasuke is with someone else...

_But so are you... _It says back.

No, it's different when it comes to Sasuke.

_Why? It's okay for you to be with someone else, but he can't? _

No... it's just...

_Besides, why do you even care? You were never together... he's not entitled to do anything with you anymore..._

_He doesn't want you anymore... He's moved on... You're nothing now..._

He stops when he reaches a trash can, his stomach lurching, and sending him doubling over.

He empties his stomach, though his nerves are still fried, and his stomach feels as if it is being run over repeatedly.

He loses balance, and falls onto his hands and knees. His nails digging into the dirt.

He watches as a waterfall of teardrops fall onto his clenched fists.

His stomach is still twisted in knots.

And he can't stop the tears.

"Stop... fucking crying... damn it..." He says, through gritted teeth as drops of saline drip down his jaw.

But in order to do that, he'd have to realize the reason behind these tears.

Naruto was so confused.

He should want Sasuke to be happy with whoever; a girl, a guy, a plant, whatever.

But seeing his best friend/not best friend pressed against that bastard, looking as content as ever.

It just...

Broke something inside of him...

And Naruto feared that after he was done crying, he wouldn't feel anything anymore.

And he didn't want that to happen.

But it still hurts.

So damn much.

His breathing is labored, and riddled with hiccups, but the tears won't stop. His throat is raw and scratchy and his body aches from this awkward on-all-fours positions.

He had never cried this much since his uncle Jiraiya died.

And, he had been only twelve then.

Even after all of this, he still won't realize the reason behind his sobbing.

He rises up, still dizzy, and checks his cell phone.

Seven missed calls... From Ino, Sakura, Gaara, Hinata, Karui twice, and...

Kiba...

Disappointment and hurt bubble up in his already queasy stomach, and tears threaten to well up again.

Sasuke hadn't even attempting to call, and show concern for his wellbeing.

Naruto was so confused, he just wanted everything to go back to normal.

Why couldn't everything just go back to normal?

Okay, maybe he didn't like Karui as much as he told Sasuke he did...

So... maybe that was why Sasuke ended things between them.

Because he lied to him about Karui.

_Don't be stupid, we all __**know that's** not the reason why..._

Still, all he could do was speculate.

_Grow up, Naruto... everyone else has..._

Ayame's low, disappointed words, and shaking of her head was the catalyst that started this catastrophic chain of events.

And so he would heed her words.

He sends his friends an apologetic text, explaining the reason why he ran off, being due to explosive diarrhea.

That excuse _always _worked.

He would make it work with Sasuke, if it wasn't the last thing he'd do.

He would not lose him, especially over some asshole like Neji.

Now extremely drained, and red-eyed, Naruto heads back to the apartment.

Alone.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

Pastel eyes watch as the blonde tenses up, his eyes alight with unshed tears. Other try to capture his attention, but alas, all of it is placed upon the orally occupied raven haired male that he currently has pressed against him.

It is when the ignorant little child takes off, is when Neji allows himself to smirk against the oh-so-pretty lips.

That dream opened his unique eyes to what went on between the two.

He is glad for the red haired woman, who served as the cleaver that severed the once inseparable duo.

Still, it felt too good to see the fiery, blue eyed cur finally break down.

Take that.

_You little blonde fool... _

* * *

#$%&

* * *

_**AN**_: Weeeeeellllllll, we are FINITO. (If that mean finished in any language, I guess)

It's a little short, yes. Butttttt... worth the four month wait, right? *dodges tomatoes*

This is my favorite chapter, don't ask why. It just is :-D

_**SOOOOOOO. SASUKE LOVES NARUTO.**_ Happy? Yes? No?

_**Chapter**** Playlist**_:

Drunk Sasuke: Youth by Daughter. All my fellow hipsters know that. That's our jam, right? :-P

* * *

Anyways, don't kill me for the NaruKaru, and NejiSasu, it's completely necessary, so... yeah. Please spare me :-(

_**Reviewer Question**_: Between the Naru/Sasu face-off, who should be the one to apologize first? Or rather, who do you think started it?

Anyways, reviewwwww. Sickle's college semester's coming to an end, so that means more updating time!

Seriously, review though. It's what keeps Pickle motivated to write.

Ja Ne!

_-SicklePickle_


	7. Sixth Go

How are you, my fellow readers? ;-D We are here, trudging along Act VI of Friends With Benefits!

AN: *Dodges tomatoes* We are sooooo sorry! With Cass and work, and me and my criminology major woes (mock trials, debates, cases etc etc) we barely even had time to talk to _each-other _yet alone, buckle down and write this fic. Much apologies, though. University is rough.

Holy hell, I never realized how hated (or crack) NejiSasu really was until Cass and I saw the reviews! Out of the thirty or so reviewers we had for chapter 5, only _one _of the reviews liked the NejiSasu, and only two or so reviewers actually think Naru should apologize first.

Normally, Cass and I never disagree on anything, but _boy, _we sure disagreed this time. I (Zxylem) was a little put off by the complete bashing of Sasu for shacking up with Neji, when Naru himself brought someone into the mix before he did, while Cass argued that while Naru and filling his void hole of denial by dating a woman was incredibly stupid, he hasn't realized that he was in love with Sasu (yet).

So yeah... thanks for making us fight, guys! *attempts an angry face and fails* :-P

And for those who were curious, the video Naru and Karui watched on tv, was 'Bittersweet Symphony' by the Verve.

**Disclaimer**: No. Don't ask again.

**Rating** : M

**Warnings**: Contains strong language, awkward sex, humor, Naruto and Neji being pricks, sex, dry humor, awkward budding romance, sex, more humor, and even more sex.

**Friends With Benefits~***

**Summary** : Romantically retarded Sasuke and Naruto both realized that sex without emotions involved was the perfect way to not deal with with the stress of dating. So they are now both determined to accomplish this... with each other. SasuNaru. AU. Humor.

**Chapter Warning:** Douchey characters, heartbreak, humor, arguing, fighting, love triangles/rectangles/pentagons, yaoi, shoujou-ai, het, and a bunch of complicatedness. Not necessarily all in that order.

**Some angsty, funny and sexy shit straight ahead.**

* * *

**Song Listening Inspiration For Naruto: **"Circles" By Digitalism

_"Gather all the good times_  
_When they chill with me behind_  
_I didn't have enough time_  
_For this stuff, on my mind_

_Oh when you're trying to rewind_  
_You're caught up in a never-ending circle; we play it again_  
_And again and again_

_Just give me more_  
_Just the same, just the same_  
_We play it again_  
_Caught up in a never-ending circle_  
_Play it again..."__  
_

* * *

**Not Beta'd** : Ignore the grammatical errors, please!

* * *

**Sixth Go**: One Does Not Simply Expect Naruto To Make Good Decisions...

* * *

#$%&

* * *

"What... in God's green celestial system is _that_...?"

Two pairs of eyes, opposite in every possible way, share similar expressions, and look up to the wooden, rusted, blue abomination that harbors over their once decent looking, shared flat.

Which was typical, considering literally _nothing _good has ever happened to Sasuke. _Ever_.

"Well, isn't this jubilant? I _finally_ managed to escape from the cornucopia of dip-shits at home, get into a semi normal relationship, get my own place, all the while a sliver of happiness comes my way... aaaaand just like that, it's gone..." The raven chuckled humorlessly to himself.

Sapphire eyes dull a little at the mention of the dark eyed male's... _thing _with the light eyed bastard, and even as the time passed, it still left Naruto's stomach churning in an unpleasant, spoilt milk drinking kind of way.

Four weeks, five days, seven hours, twelve minutes, and thirty two seconds...

_Thirty three_..._ thirty four_...

But it's not like he was counting...

It has been hard to laugh and smile nowadays, he admits, Karui still managed to bring him some excitement from his now uneventful life, thing was, everything was changing and not for the better, everything sucked majorly, and the main reason behind it all? Simple; he'd been seeing less and less of his best friend.

As more and more days went by with less and less words being exchanged with his dark haired counterpart, the blonde found himself, slowly but surely going crazy.

He'd even taken up smoking to chill his nerves. However, not cigarettes though, the _other _stuff, with the thick, pungent odor and haze-inducing upbringing.

Naruto drank as well, but only occasionally.

Well, if by 'occasion', meant every two hours, then yeah.

The blonde can't remember the last time he was genuinely happy, nor can he remember the last time he hadn't been under the influence of something.

The only he _felt _nowadays were sinking feelings in his chest and stomach when the long haired prick would brush locks of bluish black tresses out of his best friend/not best friend's eyes, or press his lips against any inch of the other male's body.

It made Naruto sick inside, and in turn made him lash out at anyone, and everyone, all the while Sasuke watched with calm, unfeeling eyes while pressed against his... _boyfriend_.

He'd blown up on Karui as well, calling her every acid-dripped name in the book. She responded with a much needed slap, unable to hold back, the blonde broke down crying, and he was immediately forgiven.

All the blonde haired boy knew was that his nerves were shot, his sleeping patterns _extremely _off, and he couldn't, for the life of him, figure out **_why_**...

Glaring at the ground, he corrected himself.

Yes, he did.

He was so fucked up inside because of _Sasuke__. _

The dobe was convinced. Sasuke's weird, homo relation-_shit_ with Bastard #2 was the reason.

Even after all of what the duo had been through together, everything was frayed and withered into black roots.

And it was all Sasuke's fault for letting that devil in overly expensive suits brainwash him.

_Don't be stupid... _A voice rung out into his now barely used mind. _You set aflame to that bridge **way **before he got there__... _

Not thinking straight, Naruto was ready to verbally abuse his own inner self, until he spotted Sasuke strutting to the men gathered in front of the flat, all adorning green uniforms.

"Excuse me, _sirs_..." Sasuke drawls, eye twitching in annoyance. "Would you mind telling me _why_ that monstrosity is on my flat?"

All five of the men stare, unblinkingly, and it is then that Sasuke realized he was speaking in Russian.

Sighing, he mutters a few Japanese words to himself, before continuing.

One of the men nod at the polyglot once he repeats his question.

"The management company received a complaint that the roof is not as sturdy as it is supposed to be, which is an automatic violation and risks your safety. So, in turn, the apartment is temporarily closed for renovation. You may gather your things but may not return until repairs are completed."

"Fuck..." Sasuke sighs, before turning back to the spot in which he had came.

"What happened?" Naruto asks, voice rasped from un-usage and eyes anywhere but meeting his.

Which was fine by Sasuke, of course. The more time he spent with Neji would mean his amorous, extremely **_unwanted_ **feelings towards the blonde would dissipate in time. The last thing he needed were those blue gems looking up at him again.

"We're boned for the next so or so days. Can't go into the flat because it's a death trap now or something..." The raven announces.

"Well, I'm shit out of luck. Kyuubi's abroad and my folks live across the country." The blonde sighs.

"Same here..." Sasuke groans, before stopping. "Wait, I'll just ask Hyuuga-"

For the first time in _weeks_, emotions spike into those soulless eyes.

And _fuck_ if wasn't a beautiful sight to behold.

"I'd rather slam my balls in a car door, 'ttebayo! You **_know_** we hate each other, teme."

Stilling at the familiar nickname, and speech impediment, Sasuke fights off a fidgety noise at the sound of Naruto almost sounding like his old self.

"Don't be stubborn... _dobe_..." The last word is broken off quietly, though the blonde still hears it, and he looks away once more. "Where the hell else are you going to sleep?"

"Easy." The blonde snorts. "With Ino and Sakura-cha-"

Sasuke narrows his eyes on instinct. "Do you remember the _last _time we spent the night there?"

Tensing at the memory, a bright red flush finds his face in remembrance. "It... totally wasn't their fault, 'ttebayo. They forgot we were staying over... Still... I've never seen _that _much whipped cream poured on one pers-"

"**_I don't need to relive it_**, thank you." Sasuke hisses, cutting the other off.

"Okay... what about... Kiba and Hinata?"

A knowing frown meets the taller male's face. "Inuzuka's mutt has fleas, and refuses to let it sleep outside."

"Er... Gaara...?"

"He shares a flat with _Kankuro_... enough said."

"Yeah, I totally get that. Karui-chan shares a house with Killer Bee, I couldn't stay over there even if I wanted to..."

"So, obviously our final option is Neji. Take it or leave it, usurantonkachi..."

A beat.

Then the blonde sighs.

"...One damn night is all... I'd rather be homeless than go days longer with that prick..."

"Fine..." Sasuke retorts, desperately now craving a cigarette.

"Fine..." Naruto answers back, desperately now craving liquor strong enough to be used as paint thinner.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

"In which the person experiences several signs of mental unease such as..."

A pale hand rests over sharp, jade eyes. (1)

"Violent shifts in moods... hyper-sexuality... uh..."

Sighing, the redhead removes his hand from over his eyes to look back down at the textbook.

"Desperation for attention..." Gaara reads out, before groaning. "I'll never get this down packed by next class... damn it..."

Of all the many, many personality disorders he forced himself to recite from memory, and study methods he went through like women with tampons, it was like his brain just regurgitated everything he knew, and projectile vomited every important note from Psychology class onto the ground.

It was horrible, and finals were a day and a half from now.

The entire month he spent obsessing over it, just for his mind to go completely _blank_.

Digging his nails lightly over the kanji for 'Ai' etched into the space above his right eyebrow, he tried to focus from within, and concentrate.

First rule for a pre-psych major: '_Look within oneself when experiencing a mental blockage and identify the problem_.'

That was easy.

His best friend, Uchiha fucking Sasuke, who not only managed to break his elder sister's heart, and (may or may not have) knocked her up, but also, decided out of the fucking blue that he batted for both teams and shacked up with, **_of all the people pining for him_**, the person Gaara is in love with.

Wincing as the pain in his chest increases twofold, the problem now obviously identified, did not make the redhead feel any better.

Worse, actually. But that was beside the point.

Slamming the textbook shut, the green eyed boy knew in his little twenty-one year old heart that it was soon to happen, or at least on Neji's part, he knew from the long glances, unnecessarily long touches and amorous gazes that he'd fallen for Sasuke.

Hell, _everyone_ did.

Gaara was the quiet one in their little bunch; the listener, the one who sat back and just understood.

So when Sakura and Ino used to viciously brawl over the raven haired boy, he was the pinkette's shoulder to cry on when he had chosen Ino over her, and out of the kindness in the redhead's own heart, he helped said blonde realize that she loved the other girl, after all. And when Temari called him at four in the morning eleven months ago, sobbing her eyes out about how the raven haired male had stood her up again to tend to Naruto, he listened, and convinced her the relationship between the two should be over, and to be with Shikamaru, who actually returned her feelings.

It was only then that he realized, in complete, utter horror that by doing so, he single-handedly ruined the potential relationship between Sasuke and Ino that would have blossomed into something, and that he damn near convinced Temari to go out and cheat on Sasuke, thus her ending up pregnant without actual knowledge about which of whom fathered it.

The relationships between the women Sasuke loved most were shot with a rocket and nuked into oblivion by Gaara's own insistence to do 'right'.

And because of it, the only one Gaara ever had feelings for fell head over heels for the raven, and not only were the feelings mutual, but had no qualms with showing it in front of him.

Karma was a crazy bitch.

However, Gaara wasn't going to cry, or get mad, or scream 'woe is me' to the world. He accepted responsibility and truly had no one to blame for this misfortune but himself. If he had kept his nose out of other's business, events would have been much different.

Looking around, he spots the 'happy', dark haired couple.

His eyes focus on the Uchiha's relaxed, flawless features, and he can see it.

He can see why so many, many others would feel like Ino, or Sakura, or Temari, or Neji about him. His physical appearance was a magnet to everyone around him, and although his attitude was a repellent to some, love was stubborn, so most stuck around.

In short, as Gaara watched the one he loves kiss his best friend, he realizes Sasuke is perfect.

Utterly perfect, and something the redhead could never be.

The problem was identified.

Sasuke was utterly beautiful, and Gaara was nothing.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

When the raven and blonde duo arrived at Neji's home-which, by the way, was a sleek, suave condo that basically had the words _I'm rich, bitch _printed all over it- Naruto grinds his teeth to hold back an insult, and Sasuke hides a smirk when looking at the window he drunkenly broke all those weeks ago.

Neji waits impassively by the opened door, leant against it, his eyes fixated on his younger swain, then on the blonde haired current bane of his existence.

By God, he could not stand that ignorant little wench.

However, he was (for now) a part of Sasuke's life, so he had no other choice but to '_deal_' with the irritating, temperamental child.

Naruto walks past him, silently, through the door, making sure his shoulder bumped the taller male's with a hard, forced collision. Rolling his eyes at the spiteful petulance the fair haired male displayed, he moves gracefully and quick enough to prevent Sasuke from entering.

"What?" The raven grunts, irritated already. Neji shares the look.

"He is testing me, my dear. And I _do_ believe that I am destined to be the Oedipus Rex to his Original King..." (2)

Sighing, the onyx eyed male purses his lips. "If you can deal with me on a regular basis, Hyuuga, then you can deal with him. Quit your bitching. It's just a weekend...or are you that much of a _princess_ that you can't deal with us lesser beings for a few days...?" Leaning forward, he breaks his sentence off with a smirk.

Neji mimics the action. "Silence..." He whispers against the other's lips. "Before I smite you as well..." With that, their lips meet, and the motion is caught from the peripheral vision of sapphire eyes, which then causes a certain blonde to grimace from afar.

Yuck.

Okay, _fine_, so to anyone else, they probably looked _alright _together. But with Naruto, the wonderful and _straight_ hunk of blonde goodness that he is, can actually see that prick-bag Neji for who he really is, and to those with working eyes, it's obvious he doesn't even deserve to lick his best friend's shoes, let alone, lick anything _else _on him.

"I think I'm gonna be sick, 'ttebayo..." The blonde grumbles to himself, before setting his duffel-bag onto the smooth, wooden floors.

Popping open his badass, tried-and-true bag (He'd owned it for all three years of high school up until now) He eyes all of the unopened, dark liquor bottles, and frowns to himself. If he could just get situated into his room already, he'd get so drunk he would forget that he was even _in_ this bastard's house-

"Dobe, clean out the wax from your ears. Neji is going to show you to your room."

_'First name basis now?! What the fuck is this?!'_

Tanned fists clench together at his sides, and looks up just in time to see the raven's brow rise in perplexity, and he knows he has no choice but to relax his hands again.

Sasuke couldn't know about the wars waged on the buff, manly, gorgeous blonde side and the tall, lanky prick side. That'd equal disaster.

This epic duel with the long haired, white eyed dragon would have to continue in silence and resume whilst the dark eyed, elf maiden-soldier slept.

Fine.

That just gives Naruto more time to plot on that asshole.

"Yeah, sure, 'ttebayo. Thank you, _Neji. _You're such a_ considerate_ host and shit_." _Fixing the two a spitefully forced grin, he drags his bag purposely against the nice, shiny floors, emitting a sharp, scraping sound. His insides can't help but start dancing happily when the oldest male narrows his colorless eyes. The stare-down continues even as they go up the stairs and down the long hallway.

So many words unsaid.

If they were voicing their detest for each-other out loud, however, the youngest male thinks it'd probably go like this:

_Naruto glares in utter distaste, his beautiful, panty-dropping face displays much hate towards the freakishly tall, rich-boy bastard. _'_Stay away from my best friend, asshole!' he roars, his deep, powerful voice sending tremors throughout the tall prick's shitty house. Alas the blonde Asian god was quite a wondrous, sexy sight to many, and even though literally millions of girls like totally threw themselves at him, unfortunately for them, his heart only belonged to one equally awesome and sexy person and that was the love of the god's life, a badass, smoking hot person by the name of Sasu-_

Wait.

_What?_

**_WHAT? _**

There was obviously a mental typo there.

Pause. Erase. Rewind.

Play.

-_Karui. Karui is totally what I mean. She's totally perfect, especially considering that I- I mean, **Naruto** taught her to properly eat pocky. And that bastard Sasuke doesn't even like sweets, so he obviously wasn't perfect like she was. I mean, what kind of regular human being doesn't like sweets? Anyways, the awesome and insanely epic god of utter sexiness obviously cared for his best friend- _

_**Not in that way**, of course, coz then that'd be weird, ehehehe. _

_-And he was not gonna let some tall, brainwashing weirdo take advantage of his friend any longer. And while the nowhere-near-as-awesome-or-sexy as Karui elf-maiden-soldier guy Sasuke slept under the homo, hypnotizing spell of the Hyuuga, a battle unleashed, and the asshole then morphed into his true form, an enormous, silver dragon who then huffed and drew in a deadly breath and spewed fifty thousand tons of fire at the god. But unfortunately for him, the dragon was just no where as cool or as awesome as the blonde, and so then, the blonde leapt and cut the dragon in half and then the elf maiden-soldier then woke up and went back to being straight and married his girlfriend and he and the blonde lived happily (as friends) forever. _

_And the moral of the story is that sexy always triumphs over asshole, so **why** **in the hell did Sasuke like this bastard so much? because Naruto was obviously so much better, they knew each-other for a more than a decade, knew each-other's favourite colors, and foods, and books, and birthdays, and fucking social security numbers, and attended the same primary, middle and high school and even had nicknames for each-other, god-dammit. And on top of that, not that it meant anything because I'm completely and utterly straight and only totally like girls, but I totally kissed that bastard first, and not only did I kiss him, we did mouth stuff and hand stuff to each-other too and it was waaaaayyyy before that guy even came around! Do you hear that, Hyuuga?! We had sex! A lot of times! I took Sasuke's guy-ginity and you didn't-**_

Alright.

The thoughts in Naruto's mind was getting out of hand, and now thinking about Sasuke was starting to border on dangerous.

He blamed it on Karui not being here, coz then they'd have sex and he'd be perfectly normal again, and not thinking about all those months that he and the raven..._ relieved their stresses_ with each-other, like a weirdo.

"Where's your room, teme?" Naruto asks, curious when he reaches the guest room.

However, before his counterpart can even open his mouth, the Hyuuga appears with a sardonic smirk. "We share the bedroom. Sasuke is here so much, I'm afraid. It's almost as if he's _living here_..."

Blue eyes go wide, and Sasuke rolls his own, and continues to walk.

Neji walks past the frozen blonde, the smirk widening when their eyes meet.

Naruto's teeth bare and his eyes flash with vehemence.

God, he really needed a drink.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

A reassuring text from his girlfriend and quart of cannabis inhaled later, Naruto felt slightly better, but still, he was so damn bored, he even felt like reading a book to pass the time. He'd had only three fingers of whiskey, and still that did nothing.

He could easily venture downstairs...

But then, that'd mean socializing...

Like he'd want _that_.

Holy shit, weed was starting to turn him into Sasuke.

Karui promised to visit in three days, and so far, this was the longest eighty six minutes of his life that ever went by. It was torture, and there were only fucking _law _and LSAT preparation books and gruesome shit about serial killers and the justice system that decorated the otherwise bare room.

It was obvious to even Naruto, that not many people came here.

_I'm surprised, 'ttebayo... I mean, with such a **lovely** attitude Hyuuga has, there should be more people coming over_, Naruto snorted sardonically.

When the blonde wakes up six hours later, it's ten at night, and his throat is dry.

His good friend, Jose Cuevo could help that, and a lazy smile meets the full, rosy lips.

He rolls to the side to locate his duffel-bag, and his awesome, manly hands touch air.

Sitting up, he blinks the blur from his ocean hues and looks over the side of the bed.

Eyes narrowing in confusion, he gets up to look around, wondering if he left it elsewhere.

After as much pondering a coming-down-from-a-high person could do, a frown slowly forms on Naruto's mouth.

_What..._

_The..._

_Shit...? _

Okay, so to some, the blonde would seem like a raging alcoholic, but now was _NOT_ the time for anyone to suddenly have a good heart and try to give him an intervention. Hell no, not while he was temporarily staying over (in misery) as Casa de la Asshole.

Wait.

"Oh, _you motherfucker!_" The blonde screeches suddenly in realization. That bastard snuck in (Why even be silent about it? This is _his_ damn house!) and stole his alcohol so he had nothing to distract himself with.

Death by withdrawal and boredom.

This was cruel, even for the Hyuuga.

"What did I do to deserve this?" He asks the big, probably ramen-loving dude up in the sky. "Is it because of that one time where I got drunk and groped Hinata? That was like, two years ago and everyone knows that I'm sorry for that! Sorta... kinda... okay, so I'm not really sorry..."

Tensing up, tanned knuckles crack in preparation.

It was time.

This game had been going on long enough.

He'd kick Neji's ass, drink in victory, cook and eat some ramen, then sleep.

Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

But first, another joint.

Coz, you know, weed was natural and shit. And nature makes you strong, right?

Pulling out the pre-rolled, especially illegal substance, he lights the end, and inhales deeply.

_Tick._

_Tock.._

_Tick..._

_Tock..._

Wow, the world is really beautiful and complex...

Why can't everyone just get along...?

Did OJ _really_ do it...?

Why don't Gackt and George Clooney want to get married...?

Why can't Bou just come back to An Cafe...?

How many calories does the Gangnam style dance burn...?

_Tick..._

_Tock..._

Oh yeah, totally getting _way_ off track here...

Puffing up his chest, he marches downstairs, ready for war.

Input the Rocky montage music and this would be the perfect scene for a movie.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

"I'm here to kick your ass, and drink liquor, and I'm all out of liquor, coz you totally stole it-"

Naruto storms in the living room, ready to cock his fists back, and let Asian Smaug have it.

"Dobe, come join us..."

Unfortunately, the first thing he sees is Sasuke, sitting at the living room table, playing chess, and who's dressed down to just only sweatpants.

_Input weird butterfly stomach things. _

It doesn't mean anything, of course. Just gas or something.

Neji meets his male inamorata (Thanks, Chevvy!) back at the table. Before he sits across from him, however, he traces a finger, long and slow over the raven's bare back.

_Does Uzumaki Naruto have to choke a bitch? _He hisses to himself.

Sasuke took another shot of his (Naruto's) tequila, and motions for the blonde to sit next to him on the large couch across from the oldest male, much to Neji's annoyance.

"Don't tell me you're bitter about your drinks, dobe. Surely you bought all of that here for all of us?"

Freezing, the blonde gulps, and he realizes just how close he is to the dark eyed male again.

_Shit._

_Shitshitshit.._.

He quickly glances at the smug male, who smirks in return.

Damn it, Neji knows that he's slipping.

Maybe it was the weed he just smoked five minutes ago that makes him bolder and more touchy-feely than usual, but he finds himself, in no time, stretched and perched halfway onto Sasuke, his blonde spiked/curled hair tickling Sasuke's cheek.

"Of course, Sas-gay, It's always awesome to see you drunk..." He laughs, squirming until his entire side is pressed hard against his companion's.

Sasuke paid no heed to the affection, other than the annoyed grunt, but on the inside, he was very much split in between throwing the blonde off of him, jumping up and shouting '_Fuck off, can't you see I don't_ want_ to be in love with you?!_' and throwing the blonde down and screwing his brains out.

But not the second option.

_Never_ the second option.

No, he has Neji now, and that's all that matters.

The chess game is intense though, which pisses him off to no end. He was sort of PTSD about chess for a while, because from ages six to sixteen, he used to get his ass handed ruthlessly to him in chess by Itachi, his father, and his mother. In actuality, he received so many ass whoopings, that he quit altogether.

He then discovered the joys of being an undergraduate at Konoha Uni; stupid fucking people. Which only meant mercilessly owning motherfuckers in chess.

Alas, Sasuke was king of the world.

Or he was, until he started dating/fucking Neji, who was like an (extremely attractive) zombie that received his nourishment by being better than everyone at everything.

What Sasuke _does_ admire about Neji, however, besides his way above average body, and talented mouth, was his intelligence.

Neji was disgustingly brilliant. So brilliant, in fact, that Sasuke felt stupid next to him, (which was extremely hard to do because the raven is, damn modesty, a fucking smart ass individual) and for every language he struggled to become fluent in, the Hyuuga would learn two with ease, just so they could have 'more in common'.

Boasting bastard.

Neji may have completely and utterly destroyed the Asian stereotype for the whole 'small penis' thing (Far, _far _from. Which, Sasuke admits, is a real killer for his jaw), but as for the whole 'genius' thing, it served him and it great justice.

Anyways, this shit was serious, and the prideful motherfucker that Sasuke is, cannot afford to lose to this guy in anything else. Bed, yes, because Neji was tall as all hell, and towered over everyone with ease, but chess, no.

But it was becoming extremely hard to concentrate with the gorgeous, obviously high blonde latched onto him, and tracing little circles on his chess-playing arm.

Thankfully, Neji, being the master of deductions, looks at Naruto plainly. "Alas, I am going to ask this, because apparently, no one else will... Are you stoned, Naruto-san?"

Naruto opens one lazy blue eye, and replies just as dryly. "Bitch, I might be."

Stiffening, Sasuke does all he can to fight off a laugh.

Neji frowns to himself and captures the raven's knight.

Fuck.

"What a pleasant role model you are..." Neji murmurs in focus. "I can only imagine how much of a debacle your grades must be..."

"You're absolutely right..." Naruto sighs, casually. "I'm afraid I get my good grades the good old fashioned way; fucking all my teachers."

This time, Sasuke attempted to hide his snort and muffle his laughter with his glass of freshly poured scotch.

It failed.

Neji, irritated, immediately captured a rook.

_Goddddd dammit..._

"You are well aware that is contraband, then? What you are partaking in is considered very illegal..." Neji says, his eyes unwavering from the game.

The blonde does his very best to look disappointed in himself. "Yeah, I know. Please don't call the cops. It's just... I've been running from five-oh for so long... I'm on my fourth identity... I just can't go back to being a prison bitch, y'know?"

"Fucking dobe..." Sasuke snickers out, finally unable to contain his laughter.

Captured queen.

Ugh.

Sasuke's king was in check now.

"You are unbearable-" Neji hisses, annoyed.

"-_That's what she said_." Naruto chirps, and by now, Sasuke is clutching his stomach, torn between busting a gut and trying to take Neji's bishop.

"Grow up-"

"That's what she said-_**disappointedly**." _

Sasuke's deep, velvety laughter fills the room, and it brings a triumphant smile to Naruto's face.

Had this have been anything else, Neji would have victoriously trampled and over-killed the blonde.

However, this was a battle of not wits, but immaturity. Something of which Neji never experienced before.

He was done for, and that aggravating, bronze fool would humiliate him, in his own _damned house_...

_**Unless..**_**.**

"Checkmate, dearest Sasuke..." Neji announces, smirking lightly.

Sasuke's still unfocused, he is pulled in by the wrist, the oldest male leans over the table and crashing his mouth onto his still laughing lips.

Colorless eyes watch with glee when the blue eyed terrorist shuts up and tenses.

Ha.

Take that, you insufferable child.

Neji's hand rises up to thread through raven locks, and for good measure, bit and nipped lightly on the other's lower lip, ecstatically reveling in the writhing of fury the dumb blonde openly displayed.

When Neji pulls back a short while later, and the flushed, taken aback expression (Sasuke doesn't show much emotion at times) and grinding-teeth-to-dust look on Naruto's face was indefinitely a two-bird-with-one-stone killing.

A mischievous, secretive smile meets the law student's face.

"I win, dear Sasuke, because you see, I have your king-" Quick glance at light haired moron. "-_And _your heart..."

When Sasuke's facial expression didn't change, Naruto began to panic.

And now the duo are staring at each-other silently, and are communicating without words, and he just can't fucking take the looks or the possibility that Sasuke might just be falling for this guy-

No.

No.

**_Nononononononononono-_**

Tanned hands jolt out and quickly down the entire glass of scotch.

The effect is almost instant, but it still hurts.

So he drinks Neji's untouched glass.

Not enough.

One more.

Fuck, that burns.

And Naruto was never the kind of person who hid his feelings, so...

A snort escapes him, and before he can't prevent it, he's vomiting out words.

"Well, I still have his virginity...!"

With that, the entire room falls silent, and a tense, heavy aura thickens the air, almost causing the blonde to choke.

When those words escaped his lips, a startled, horrified realization of just how hateful, and bitter, and _jealous_ he sounded is enough to send his stomach churning.

Sasuke stares at Naruto, their expressions are of pure, white horror are matched. The dark eyes are speaking, when the lips don't.

They simply say: '_What did you just do_?'

And Naruto can't answer.

Sasuke's eyes finally meet Neji's, and the eldest' flawless features are stone cold, like a marble statue.

Neji himself, almost wants to ask if it is true.

But the silence is his confirmation, so it is pointless to do so.

With hard, unfeeling eyes, Neji rises, and gracefully exits up the stairs.

Sasuke jumps up to follow, but stops temporarily when the blonde opens his mouth to speak.

Explain yourself, he barks internally, but it comes out jumbled out loud.

"You think..." The dobe begins, shakily. "That he'll understand if I say I blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alchohol?"

If this were sometime else, he may have gotten a small smirk at the musical reference.

But this was serious.

Sasuke wasn't laughing.

He rises and follows after his swain.

And Naruto is left to drink alone.

Like always.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

It is three in the morning when Naruto is woken from his drunken slumber.

There are quick, angry knocks on the door, and the short blonde slowly stumbles towards it, still half-sleep.

If it were the Hyuuga with a samurai sword, coming in to perform a _satsujin-ken _(3) on him, then Naruto guesses he should have drank and smoked more and had more sex if he knew today would be his last.

Naruto picks up a joint from his bag and fishes out his lighter to quickly light the end.

If he was going to die today, he'd die so baked, he wouldn't even feel it.

When the blonde opens the door, it is not Hyuuga with a vengeance.

It is Sasuke.

A very, _very_ enraged Sasuke.

The furious raven barges in, almost making the shorter male fall on his face.

"Sas-"

"Neji isn't talking to me, and it's your **_fucking_** fault." The extremely intoxicated raven growls, pacing back and forth.

Naruto fumbles to keep up, but the dark eyed male is moving at a cocaine-using speed.

"Wait, what-"

Angrily, the taller male snatches the joint from his counterpart's mouth and places in to his own, and with a long pull, he exhales it with ease.

Sasuke then grimaces. "This tastes terrible, and not only are you a damn idiot for fucking up Neji and I's relationship, you're a damn idiot for smoking this useless shit, too."

At this point the dobe is frantic to get a sentence in. "Sasuke, listen-"

But the raven explodes instead. "No, you _listen_. You ruined _everything_, you moronic fuck! I thought Temari was _bat-shit_ when she told me to stay away from you. But she was right all along, you are**_ toxic_**."

Naruto just stood there as Sasuke loomed over him, venomous words hitting him full force like punches.

But, he couldn't bring it upon himself to feel bad.

It's just... the dark haired male was so close, and angry...

_And still shirtless..._

Unfortunately, his hand is harshly slapped away, and Naruto didn't even realize that they even moved.

"_**Don't touch me**_..." Sasuke growls, his eyes alight and glittering with malice.

"Sasuke, I'm _sorry_..." The bronze blonde stresses.

His companion won't stand to hear it. "Neji is going to break up with me! Stop acting like it isn't about to happen!"

Another drag taken on Sasuke's part.

It doesn't help.

It never does.

"You ruined my relationship just like you ruin _everything_! What did I even do to deserve that?!"

More questions that Naruto could not answer.

When the tall male turns to pace again, is when the blue eyed boy can find his voice again.

"I didn't mean for that to happen-"

Unconsciously, two pairs of feet pull themselves closer.

Almost like gravity_.._.

Naruto watches silently.

_Something about Sasuke's face when he's mad,_ he thinks_, I don't know what it is, but..._

"Well, it did!" The taller of the two barks. "And I don't want to talk about it anymore-"

The blonde inches closer.

"So, fuck you-"

Suddenly, the bronze male is tippy-toe'ing and his mouth meets the angry pair of lips.

Immediately, Sasuke is silenced.

Naruto pulls back, and both say nothing.

Then, almost like a paused movie, it resumes, and both mouths meet again, this time mutual, and deeper. Pale hands (Even with the lit joint) cup the tanned face, pouring every ounce of frustration (and poorly disguised affection) into the kiss.

Sasuke's back hits the wall farthest from the door, and before the duo realize it, the raven is sitting, and the blonde is situated on his lap.

The mouths don't part from each-other, and the attention on the the dying flame of the joint is ignored.

Naruto tastes very much like a bar for old White men with too much money and too many life problems. There is at least six different dark and light liquors soaked onto his tongue, mixed with ash from the smokes and salt from the ramen noodles.

Oddly enough, it fits him.

In a really gross 'you-need-to get-your-life-together' kind of way.

But it's the dobe, so it's automatically sexy.

The dobe in question moves back, and when Sasuke thinks he's going to get up, scream that little girly scream he has, and run off.

(He's done it before, when he was showering six months ago, he saw a spider, ran out of the flat, and down the street, completely nude. Sasuke had to tackle him. It was a good thing he was screwing the younger then, or else it would have just been weird, even for their friendship.)

Instead, those sinfully plush, alcohol drenched, kiss-bitten lips move over to his neck, then chest, then his stomach, and...

Oh...

_Oh... _

Very much like one of those romantic-turned pornographic books/movies that Temari used to force him to partake in, those lips then wrap around him with ease, and it sends Sasuke jolting a little in surprise.

It'd been a while since they last did _this..._ with each-other.

He was not drunk enough...

**_Seriously_**...

With a sharp inhale of breath, long pale fingers gather into the styled, fair locks, and direct each rhythmic movement with ease.

It was enjoyable, really. However, it seemed like hours had passed by, instead of minutes.

That mouth was dangerous.

Damn it, he was getting close.

That just wouldn't do.

Another quick inhale, and Sasuke was firmly gripping the locks and tugging the owner's head upwards.

The blonde got the message after a while, and with a final tug, their mouths clash together again.

The room is now dead silent and the dark eyed male kisses away the sound from moaning lips.

When the raven's hands roam, they find the zipper to infuriating jeans, and impatiently they fall slightly down sunkissed thighs.

It was slightly sloppy and rushed instead of dragged out, but the drunk blonde got along fine. With parted legs, he sinks down, and a gasp escapes him, and a rather hard bite on his lips, complete with trembling, gave away that the blue eyed boy was immediately feeling it.

The Uchiha's free hand (That isn't in between the other's legs) guides the slim hips to push back and forth with each directed movement, the pants and groans escaping rose lips grow less quiet.

"S... aah... suke... ahh." Naruto manages to mewl out through heavy breathing that seems to be too quick for his body to handle. Those bright eyes are shut and legs part even wider. The joint in Sasuke's hand finally discarded when Sasuke pushes up to press the blonde onto the floor.

Long, slender legs wrap around the Uchiha's waist, whilst short, blunt nails dig into the alabaster-tinted back.

The blonde's breathy moans ascend to soft cries, the trembling increases tenfold, and both are far too involved in their affaire to remember that they are not alone.

Their mouths meet again, their climaxes simultaneous.

(Blurred and unfocused) pairs of eyes meet with the other.

"I..." the tanned male tries to form words, but fail. "Sasuke, I..."

_"I feel stupid when I'm dancing,  
No, I can't dance as cool as you,  
I just feel stupid when I'm dancing,  
Like a psychopathic fool..." _

And just like the movies, a cellphone starts to ring and fucks everything up.

With newfound energy, Naruto scrambles from under Sasuke, and hurries (limps) to the source of the music.

"Hello?... Karui-chan! Yeah, of course I can talk now... no, I was already up... nah, I wasn't doing anything important..."

An 'Are you fucking kidding me' expression twists onto the Uchiha's face.

It does nothing to disguise or quell the verbal punch to the balls he feels.

_Serves me right though_, he thinks, _why the hell did I even for a minute think that things were going to change?_

And now Sasuke feels stupid.

And Sasuke should never, under any circumstances, ever feel stupid.

When Naruto is done gushing over his girlfriend's surprising news, he hangs up.

Turning around, he is speaking before he looks. "Hey, teme, guess what? Karui's gonna visit tomorrow-"

Sasuke was gone.

Face scrunching in confusion, he shakes his head, and looks for clothes to take with him to the shower.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

The next morning, Sasuke is hungover as fuck, but still, manages to drag himself out of bed at six in the morning, because anything later than that is considered 'unnecessary sleeping in' to Neji. He ventures downstairs, showered and teeth brushed (His conscious knows why).

He spots the svelte older male doing the crosswords in the newspaper with almost disturbing ease.

Things were still pretty fucked up from yesterday, and Sasuke, the wonderfully socially retarded person he is, has no idea how to go about it. Usually when he pissed Temari or Ino off, they just folded their arms and stayed silent until he went and bought them something.

Was this any different?

Or was it a gender thing?

Did it apply to males as well?

Damn it, dating dudes was hard.

Sasuke awkwardly walks up to the silent male.

Now the Uchiha never really listened to today's trendy music, but even he couldn't help but think 'Note to self; _Neji is _definitely_ in his zone_...'

_Damn it, Uchiha, don't punk out now..._

Before a syllable could even be awkwardly uttered, Neji whirled around, and brought his hand hard across the raven's porcelain face.

It caught Sasuke off guard, of course, but mostly just shocked him.

Blinking slowly, he looks back at the cool, collected swain of his.

"Did you just..." Sasuke starts. "Jerry Springer slap me...?"

Not even angry, just incredulous.

"If that is what you wish to refer to it as, then, yes, I suppose I did." Neji replies, calmly.

"May I ask _why_?" Sasuke tries again.

The Hyuuga grows silent for a moment, then turns away, resuming his crossword puzzle, not a hair out of place.

"I have just realized that what was once between us is now sullied, and I'd rather not romantically associate myself with you any longer..."

The tone was so robotic, that it almost sends Sasuke stumbling. "Wait... you're breaking up with?"

Expressionless milk eyes meet charcoal once more. "Do you want me to?"

Dark brows furrow in confusion. "No-"

"I want to believe you, really. But the logically thinking part of me knows for certain that you do not know what you want, Uchiha."

Shit, that actually hurt a little.

The tall, graceful male turns fully now.

"I heard you three hours ago, engaging in coitus with that blonde moronic trash. That is not what one does when in a relationship, so I have decided that I no longer wish to deal with you or your unnecessary troubles..."

Oh, shit.

Flashes of what happened hours before swam through his mind, and Sasuke realizes that he is in deep shit.

Fucking hell.

Think fast, think fast...

"I was drunk..." Sasuke starts, the universal explanation to everything. "Really, I mistook him for you..."

Probably...

Neji, of course, is far too intelligent to buy that, but a serene smile meets his face anyways.

"I would punish you farther, but since you are here with me, and not with him, I can only assume things did not end well afterwards... you poor thing."

Ignoring the sting of truth in the law student's words, Sasuke attempts to find some common ground.

"It won't happen again, I promise..." He sighs.

The secretive, unforgiving smile remains there. "Meet me back in my bedroom in ten minutes."

With that, the male saunters back upstairs, the Uchiha, utterly con-fuzzled.

"Wait... are we back together or not?" He calls after the silent male, and receives no answer in return.

Sasuke bows his head in exhaustion.

Relationships are confusing.

* * *

#$%&

* * *

Sasuke cruises en route to the re-creational area, he would walk faster, however, Neji was without mercy. So Sasuke, adorning scraped up knees, bruised hips and a sore jaw, drug his severely sexed-up ass to meet his friend anyway.

When he got there, however, the redhead took one long look at him, and stalked past him with a heated glare.

Wait.

What the hell?

Sasuke catches up easily. "Gaara. What's going on?"

The redhead finally stops, "Temari went into labour four hours ago. We've all been calling you, but judging from the looks of you, you've been so busy with Hyuuga Neji's cock in your mouth, I guess you didn't get the memo."

The envy poured onto the redhead's words sends the raven frowning. "Is there any reason as to why you sound like a jealous schoolgirl right now? Enlighten me, please, on how my relationship is any of your business..."

Gaara falls silent, and eventually sighs. "She didn't have the baby yet, but it will be soon. She's in the hospital and wants you there."

With those words, the jade eyed male walks off.

Sasuke watches the short male leave, and a disgruntled expression meets his face.

What the fuck is wrong with everyone all of a sudden?

* * *

#$%&

* * *

Dipping his head down, Naruto's lips softy meet full, strawberry glossed lips.

"You sure are affectionate today." Karui laughs lightly against his mouth.

"I just really missed you, Karui-chan." The blonde grins and runs his fingers over soft, cocoa skin.

"Oh? So you don't know what today is?" The redhead asks, coyly.

"Of course! It's... eh... um... Valentine's Day?"

The blank expression he is met with sends him wincing.

Shit, he did it again, didn't he?

Karui scowls, her true No Bullshit-ish attitude revealed. "**_No_**! It's our eight month anniversary, baka..."

_Damn, think fast..._

"I t-totally knew that, dattebayo! I was just testing you... c-coz my last girlfriend totally forgot, and like, remembering stuff like that is really important and shit..."

He rambles long enough that a smile finds her face. "I knew you wouldn't forget. You're not like the other guys at all...so, where's my present?"

Aw, damn. "M-my flat, but it's still under renovation, s-so you probably won't get it til', like, Monday or something, ehehehe..."

She takes both hands and looks up at the blonde, a soft expression is relaxed on her features.

"You're, like, almost perfect, Naru..." She whispers. "I love you..."

Wait.

Hold on.

Cease.

Pause.

Halt.

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck...

Uhm...

_Okay._

_You can do this..._

_Er..._

A wide smile dances on the blonde's lips. "I love you, too-"

This was like a romantic comedy movie come true.

This was awesome.

"-Sasuke."

Except for one thing.

Karui wasn't hugging him, or kissing him with joy.

She wasn't even smiling.

She stood there, jaw dropped, with a hideous expression of horror on her face.

It is only a few moments later that Naruto realizes that he has said Sasuke's name instead of her's.

Soon, they share the same expression.

_Oh... _

_Shit..._

* * *

#$%&

* * *

_**AN**_: Aaaaaaannnnnndddddd, WE. ARE. FINITO. For now ;-)

Oh my God, Cass went to Japan for a month.

You know how we Americans envision urban Japanese kids as like people out of an anime?

We are sooooooo wrong. Cass says it's like New York all over again, just in Japanese. There are rage comic jokes, rap music references, etc, etc. It's so fabulous, lol, because we really are all the same!

Anyways, did you all like the chapter? Try not to burn Cass and I at the stake because of the NejiSasu/NaruKarui. I mean, we're gonna tell you now, that if we put Sasu and Naru back together next chapter because you guys want us to, then this story will only last about ten chapters. Okay? Okay!

Does anyone feel bad for Gaara? I know I do... :-(.

(1): It's a study habit I (Zxylem) have when studying. I read whatever I'm supposed to read, then cover my eyes then try to read it without looking. I do that a couple of times until it is memorized. It's been pretty effective.

(2): For those who didn't read 'Oedipus The King', it's about a new king named Oedipus Rex who wants to find out who killed the king before him. It turns out it was Oedipus who not only killed him, but also married his widow (who turns out to be Oedipus' mom.) Yeah, pretty fucked up. But yeah, Neji is basically saying he's going to end up slaying Naruto. Ohohoho, but we wouldn't do that to our readers... or would we? *wink*

(3): 'Satsujin-ken' literally means 'Murder by sword' in Japanese.

* * *

_**Chapter Playlist**_:

Naruto's ringtone for Karui: "The Ugly Dance"/"Fuldans" by Fulkutur. There's this big craze about this song, so I thought it'd fit Naru.

* * *

_**Reviewer Question**_: The reason why this fic is listed under 'Humor' is mainly because of Naruto. Chevvy, Cass, and I do our absolutely best to make Naru a funny motherfucker in this.

Soooo, what do you think is the funniest Naruto quote you've read? It can be more than one.

Zxylem's favourite: "_Does Uzumaki Naruto have to choke a bitch?_." and "_Bitch, I might be_."

Cass's favourite: _"You think...That he'll understand if I say I blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alchohol?" and "Hell no, not while he was temporarily staying over (in misery) as Casa de la Asshole." _

Chev's favourite: _"Bastard! You just hate me coz I'm black!" _

What's yours?

* * *

P.S.: Naru's admitted out loud he loves Sasuke. Now, what is he going to do with this information is what you all wanna know, right? Be patient, dears!

Anyways, reviewwwww. Because if no one does, this shit's remaining like this! *tries an angry face*

See you next time! (Or maybe not, it's up to the reviews...)

Ja Ne!

_-SicklePickle_


End file.
